Once in a blue moon grandma
Forums:
SS grandma, who only sees him just about every 2-3 months questioned why was her grandson in summer school. She asked him, not DH and me. Who knows what his response was, I'm sure he took her on a ride of guilttrip. I wanted to call her and say, do you help with homework, projects, email teachers, speak with the guidance counselor? No, he's not failing because we're on top of him, but he's in summer school because he needs the extra help! School is right around the corner, I'm sure once again we'll receive NO type of help with supplies, clothes, and shoes. I don't even know why I think it'll ever happen.
She's the grandma that questions everything I do, but her daughter gets a free pass.
Tell GM to
Get off her ass and see SS more. To get involved in his school, making sure that homework, class projects, get funded and done. Maks sure he did some studying. Then and only then she can open her mouth.
Or is this like she has no other questions, is the sky blue, does grass grow, how's school, What did you eat for supper,, and or why are you in summer school.
Seriously
JUST like that. Only questions how/what we're doing over here. Grandma always says "I love and miss you so much" but never come see or get the kid. As for his mom I can count on one hand how many times he's seen her this year. He got sick once, and I called gma to see if his script was ever filled about 20 days ago. She flipped out and snapped on me. Saying we don't know how to care for him. Really felt like a slap in the face. At that moment, I stop giving a f***.
I'd ignore any criticism
As hard as it may be, if she asks about SS I'd tell her the facts and keep it moving. If she starts lecturing, I'd literally walk away because she doesn't get a vote in how you and DH operate. Smile and just walk away. Plus, she's not your mother, so you shouldn't have to explain anything to her. You're an adult, so you don't have to explain period. You're doing what you think is best to help SS be successful in school, end of story.
You'd think
That's the thing, she doesn't ask us. She asks SS everything. I want her to say something to me. Like I REALLY do. I truly feel like she won't or can't because no matter what we're doing, her daughter isn't doing anything. I'm sure that's always on her mind when she wants to say anything to us.
Oooh, I see
Yeah...since she's not asking you, it might make it hard to say something. But you're prepared if she does! Adults should realize that kids (and a lot of adults, too) are only going to give the version of the story that paints them in the best light. She probably knows the truth is beyond what she's hearing, even if she doesn't want to admit to it out loud.
I realize that grandma is not
I realize that grandma is not a regular presence in SS's life, but SS is 16/17, so I don't see asking him unreasonable. Grandma and SS were talking and that he was in summer school could have come up organically. Once SS mentioned summer school, it was natural for grandma to ask why. His answer was whatever it was - truth or fabrication. You can't control that. What you can do is correct a fabrication, if grandma mentions it to you. If grandma says nothing, let it lie. Who cares what she thinks.
SS is 16? He failed because
SS is 16? He failed because he didn't do the work, unless he has some kind of undiagnosed learning disability. You say you want to ask her "I wanted to call her and say, do you help with homework, projects, email teachers, speak with the guidance counselor?" Really at this age, you can't baby a kid like that. If he asks for help, help him. If he's got a learning disability he should be in special ed or getting special accommodations, and if he's behind, get him a tutor. Other than that, he has to make the effort.
This is definitely a woman
This is definitely a woman you should disengage from. She is your SO's EX's mother.. not his mother.. not your mother. She may be a grandmother to your SS.. but you do not really answer to her.. and she should be generally asking her daughter.. OR your SS questions (tbh.. you don't really want her coming to you anyway ..lol).
I would also try, if possible to look on the bright side of things.
1. she isn't your mother.. she isn't your DH's mother.. so her opinions.. are just that.. her opinions.. you don't necessarily have to answer to her.. or make excuses.. or justify pretty much ANYTHING to her.
2. She can judge you all she wants.. but, her ability to have any control over you? nope..
3. You could look on the bright side and while she may swoop in 3-4 times a year.. it could be 100 times worse. she could try to be involved daily. ack!
4. I would also say.. that I don't think she is obligated to support anything really.. it's not her job to clothe him.. tutor him etc.. that's not really a grandparent's role.. and.. I guess people can be judgemental.. and not be part of the solutions... but see number 3... no way you want this toxic person in your life.. she starts supplying things? she will feel the right to control you. no.. not worth it. on your end.. your DH provides for his child.. and doesn't worry about it.
I know it's frustrating when people try to throw in their two cents.. when it isn't worth the copper it's minted with.. but she is his grandma.. but she isn't yours.. I would try to keep her at arm's length if possible to you.