Stepparent Rights at school- Class Parent
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Hi all,
I volunteered to the Class Parent for my 8 yr old SD school. No other parent wanted it, including her bio Mom.
After they had accepted me & I started the position- BM decided she didn't like me in the role & contacted the PTA who sent me an email trying to rescind the position from me because they're her other mom-friends who all look down on me for being "only" a stepmom.
Can the school truly take away a position I was accepted into and fully qualify for just because bio-mom decided she didn't like it? It seems like they're refusing to give stepparents any rights at all 
So they'd rather have no
So they'd rather have no class parent at all rather than a stepparent? How incredibly petty. When you respond, as you qualify for the position, make liberal use of the word " discrimination" and see what happens.
Yes- I said straight forward
Yes- I said straight forward to the PTA if she has decided she wants the position now I have no issue stepping down for her to assume it. (Also no other parent wants it still- so without my volunteering to fill it it would be empty) However she said she doesn't want it at all, that's she's too busy. She just doesn't want me to have it either which just seems petty when at the end of the day I'm just helping the class with setups for events/parties and assisting the teacher. It doesn't effect her at all and I don't think the PTA (her friends) have the right/ability to rescind it from me. The school administration will be stepping in soon.
I'm just surprised they'd rather have a class "parent" role empty rather than allow a stepparent to participate in something positive?
Whch is why you should bare all of their asses.
Keep the job, engage the school administration and your lawyer.
Just for fun.
Why would you do that
Why don't you learn your place. You are a SP. SD has a mother and father your not one of them. You inserting yourself in places you shouldn't be. Class mother. Is causing the problem. You have nothing to do with SD. You have no rights. The more you do this the more you are going to get hurt. BM is playing with you
Step-parents have no legal rights to their step-kids.
Step-parents have no legal rights to their step-kids. They have not "rights" in regards to their step kids in any situation. While I think it is great you offered to do this and I'm assuming your DH is fully supporting you, if you push this it is going to cause nothing but problems. Are you sure the fight will be worth it?
They can't stop you
I volunteered in my bio's classes. I volunteered in my step's classes. No BM didn't like it. But DH did. I treated all my "kids" equally. In the end the teacher was happy to have the help, the kids have good memories, and the school (not the PTA, the school) had no problem with it. Teachers need all the helping hands they can get. This isn't about "rights" it's about helping. And if you genuinely want to help, and aren't causing a distraction in the class, then BM (and her PTA friends) can take a long walk off a short pier.
Sticky Situation
In a perfect world, it would be fine. But it's not. And clearly you are in StepHell if the BM did NOT want to be the room mom but is peeved because you are, so she calls in reinforcements. Sounds so damn high school mean girl behavior. But it is what it is.
Two choices: continue on as room mom and "fight" the dismissal. Know that you will encounter spiteful behavior, shunning and possible set-ups to cause you to fail (remember mean girls from high school????). And BM will have her own personal war with you on all kinds of issues.
Or, you can opt out gracefully.....reply ALL to the email stating, while it's not your choice to leave the position, you do not wish to deal with the reprecussions of spiteful women. That only hurts the kids and you only want the best for the kids. (Word however you see fit but myself, I'd get my own digs in to the azzhole women).
I subscribe to Harry's thinking...knowing my place in StepHell. Wish I'd known all what I know now when I first entered this Hell Hole; would have saved myself a lot of grief and trouble. Your SD has two parents; you stepping back just may force BM to be the Room Mom after all. LOL
Best to you.
Have your attorney send them a cease and desist order.
See how they feel about taking that descrimination in front of a Judge.
I never volunteered, by my mom did. She was class Grandma for my SS one year, and for my brother's kids for a number of years.
Call their crap and smack them around in court.
Call the local TV stations as well. Beat BM and her PTA friends into submission and bare their asses.
I would.
The best way to end a bully, is to punch them in the nose. So... punch BM and her toxic PTA mom squad in the nose.
Have fun!
I think I'd let BM 'win' this
I think I'd let BM 'win' this one. They are going to make your time as Class Parent miserable. They will complain about everything you do. If you stay, my guess is that byThanksgiving you will wish you hadn't. Let BM or one of her friends step up.
I'd go quietly but loudly. I'd let the teacher (and principal) know the machinations these adult middle schoolers are doing behind the scenes. I'd copy the email to the teacher (and principal) with my notice to her that I was no longer in the position per request of the PTA.
I volunteer for school events
It's was more as a family thing. Whold family volunteer. Something to do that didn't cost money.. Buy BF was MIA.
Your problem is BM. Who holds all the cards. Why anger her ? For no good reason.
Stepparents have no rights.
Stepparents have no rights. And frankly, I look at the room parent role as an obligation (once you step up to do it) more than a right. Done right, it's a lot of work. Shame on BM and her PTA buddies for objecting to you when you stepped up when no other parent in the class was willing. That's not fair to the teacher, the kids, or you. Has another parent stepped up?
You could always say that DH will be the room parent and you're just helping him and filling in when he's not available. Or you can fight it with the school if you really want to do it. But with a BM like this, it's not worth the hassle. Explain to the teacher (and any other parent who asks) what is going on. If you really want to help, let the teacher know you're willing to help behind the scenes but not in an "official" capacity . But I wouldn't put myself in BM's cross-hairs. It's not worth it.
I said straight forward to
I said straight forward to the PTA if she has decided she wants the position now I have no issue stepping down for her to assume it. (Or any other parent from the class at all- but no one else wants the position.)However she said she doesn't want it still, that's she's too busy. She just doesn't want me to have it either which just seems petty when at the end of the day I'm just helping the class with setups for events/parties and assisting the teacher. It doesn't effect her at all. I wouldn't be seeing her for any additional moments that we already attend together anyways (open house, recitals etc)
The PTA would rather have an empty "parent" position than allow a step-parent to participate?
If they are going to take
If they are going to take that narrow view.. that is their call... and perhaps their loss.
Unfortunately, they may have limits for other reasons that wouldn't allow a non parent to be involved with the kids.. as a SP you don't have ANY rights to or over your stepchildren.. barring the authority your DH may confer on you in his home..
Maybe. One of the (step)
Maybe. One of the (step) grandparents of a friend of mine volunteered at the kids school, after a background check).
It was fine until it became clear she was unhinged and started using the role to get to the kids. My friend had her removed from contact with the kids.
Not saying at all this is the situation but some schools rely on volunteers.
My mom was the class mom (Gramma) for years.
No legal rights. So no different than an SM.
She finally got fed up with the teachers standing around gabbing during recess and events while she managed the class. She would herd the teachers to do their job.
They never asked her to leave but the teachers avoided her because she did not tolerate their being lazy.
Sadly there is no requirement for parents to not be idiots or for teachers to not be lazy.
I'd back off but loudly proclaim why to the teacher and any parents in the class you have contact info for, cc-ing in the principal, vice principal and guidance positions at the school.
"As many of you know I had volunteered to fill the empty position of Room Parent. Sadly the PTA leadership has decided I am not welcome fill the position and has pressured me into resigning from it. As I want complete clarity on this, I am penning this to you. I would gladly have filled the role, a role which is now unfilled for this school year. I would have done my best to make all children in this class have a happy classroom experience but was told by (name here) that I was unwelcome and because of this I am stepping away. I have attached the e-mail below to give transparacy.
I still look forward to this year's classroom experiences just sadly from the sidelines.