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Any book for Survival ?

M88's picture

Submitted by M88 on Thu, 04/11/2024 - 5:25am

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Parenting Resources

Hello!

I was wondering if anyone knows any good book for step-life survival, divorced parents dynamics, blended family life??? Whatever to help us with a realistic point of view please. Last thing I want to read is how to sacrifice my own life for my partners kids hahaha

Thank you! 

Elea's picture

Submitted by Elea on Thu, 04/11/2024 - 8:50am

This is the book that helped me the most. Parts of it are a bit tedious but still a great book overall.

I am currently reading "It's Not You" by Ramani Durvasula. It is helpful for not losing yourself to the narcissistic people in your life. In step-life there tend to be a lot of narcissistic people.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Thu, 04/11/2024 - 6:50am

I would say that the unfortunate reality is that when we blend into a steplife family... we WILL have to make sacrifices.  We have to make them when we are in any relationship.. but in steplife it just ends up being more.. it's not just consideration for your partner.. but now you have kid issues.. and tangent bio parents.. inlaws.. etc.

What you need to do in steplife is set your own boundaries about what you are willing to sacrifice and you have to have the guts to walk away when you decide that the love you have for your partner is not enough.  Because we can lament till the cows come home.. "he is perfect if it were not for the kids".. but the kids ARE there.. so that's useless talk.. so either the situation is livable or it isn't.

But.. there are things we can do to make it more tolerable.  Disengagement (which can take many forms).. to mentally disengage ourselves from the drama.. give up to God so to speak... let the parent parent.. even if it isn't how we might do it.. don't overcompensate for them.. don't make the kids our problems.

CajunMom's picture

Submitted by CajunMom on Thu, 04/11/2024 - 7:14am

 

 

She specializes in Parental Alienation; has a lot of books and resources. I also second Wednesday Martin. There are resources out there but far and few between. Best to you.

 

https://www.amyjlbaker.com

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Thu, 04/11/2024 - 10:37am

Not until we are in a relationship, do we truly understand what a joke that was .  That we have to give up important thing in life, to be disrespected.  That our SO. did everything with there ex.  Dating, adult childless vacations,  going out haveing along time [with out kids]. Having the big wedding, honeymoon, having children.

You can't have the big wedding because no one is paying for a second marrage. They don't want to do it again. You don't want to have first wedding compared to yours.  So life screws you. Again and again 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 04/11/2024 - 11:39am

In the interest of keeping it stupid simple, protect ourselves from the toxic by purging them from our lives as quickly and completely as possible. If they are of a relationship and age where they cannot be flushed like the shit that they are, then continuously tighten the box they are creating with their toxicity, pump out all of the oxygen feeding whatever they think they are getting to their benefit, increase the level of abject misery they experience, then rekey the locks once they hit the GTF out of our lives age.

Lather.... rinse.... repeat.

Their toxicity is not our misery to bear.  The goal has to be to put them out of our misery and out of the misery of the quality people in our lives.  The rest, is on them.  Particularly living the pain resulting from their chosen behaviors. Our participation at that level, is to deliver the pain that the toxic have earned.  Once the toxic are out of our lives, so is the toxicity associated with them.