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Summer break

Moralofthestory's picture

Submitted by Moralofthestory on Fri, 06/14/2024 - 2:18pm

It's that time of year again. I was previously a sahm/student while caring for my bio daughter who is now 3. I also have watched my stepson(6) a lot since being a sahm and have helped out a lot with school pick ups/drop off, summer break and more... ss mom is fully involved but has a past of using us like babysitters (no schedule arrangements just when convenient for her to send him with us) hubby talks of getting a parenting plan but is slacking. He always jumps at every chance to get his son, which I don't blame him, but I am resentful of how disorganized it is and how it feels like my time doesn't matter 

this summer I have to take a class on campus and while I am working on getting my daughter enrolled in a learning program, my mom offer to help with watching my daughter this summer. She has some health challenges and is recovering from a fall where she injured her hand, and I'm very grateful she even offered. 
 

I have a feeling I'll be expected to care for stepson this summer but I am feeling guilty for feeling like I'll need to have a talk with hubby to let him know I can't do it this summer... it would be a lot for my mom to watch them both as well as me shuffling both of them around, 

need some pep talk and some advice from stepparents who can relate 

thank you

Comments

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Fri, 06/14/2024 - 2:27pm

The kid has two parents and you are not one of them. Let them sort it out between themselves. You are trying to better yourself so you can better care for your family. You shouldn't have to put your life on hold for someone else's child.

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Fri, 06/14/2024 - 2:32pm

Absolutely not. Your schedule is yours - only help if you feel like it and are not pressured into it. You are not the parent and they can sort it out. Make your plans and be firm.

Dollbabies's picture

Submitted by Dollbabies on Fri, 06/14/2024 - 2:43pm

from the other direction. Write up a schedule of when you will be available for providing child care for your SS this summer - and make sure you're carving out all the time you need to make it work! And tell your DH straight up that your mother is NOT babysitting his son.

If he wants time beyond that he is responsible for finding childcare for him. He and his ex are taking advantage of you and it needs to stop, like now. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Fri, 06/14/2024 - 4:59pm

^^This. And do not make yourself constantly available. You need time to study AND time with your little one. 

If you were not available, DH and BM would definitely have to make other arrangements. You are a rare option.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Sat, 06/15/2024 - 8:12am

Let SH and BM work it out. Does BM have parents who can help?  DH's mother ?   

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Sat, 06/15/2024 - 8:38am

In the wise words of the late Barbara Bush - "Just say no!"

ETA i know it's no easier now to follow that simple advice than it was then for at-risk kids. But still. 

Dollbabies's picture

Submitted by Dollbabies on Sat, 06/15/2024 - 12:22pm

actually Nancy Reagan, as part of her anti-drug campaign.

Lillywy00's picture

Submitted by Lillywy00 on Sun, 06/16/2024 - 8:22am

Spread some summer camp brochures on the kitchen table 

and have multiple conversations with your spouse about respecting you/your time by creating structure in the home like most men are capable and expected of doing. 
 

And if this doesn't work .... spread photos of cots in the basement (which is where he will be sleeping if he acts obtuse and/or bucks up against you in this issue)