Update on OSD
Good grief! She really outdid herself the day before Father's Day. OSD contacted DH saying she had a card and gift for him. This was clearly a ploy to get in his good graces, since she had skipped gift giving for Christmas and his last 2 birthdays; DH finally had enough and set some boundaries and expectations for her behavior, which she responded to with ugly communications to both of us. DH told her "No", he was going to take a nap and then pack for vacation. She decided to come over anyway, even though she is not welcome in our home. OSD repeatedly rang the doorbell, repeatedly called, beat on doors and windows, and tried to get in all three entraces. When this didn't work, she decided that I was to blame and started screaming obscenities and threats at me, while on the phone with her grandmother. It was unbelievable, I do not believe I have ever witnessed nonsense to this degree. She also took it public and posted some nasty things on Facebook...I don't think she understands how she looks when she does this. People know DH and people know me, they know what kind of people we are. There was also a sick, sick email to DH with some threats to me.
She continues to dig herself a deeper hole (which was DH's only response to her texts) and I have blocked her on everything I can think of. I feel bad for DH, she is his daughter. On the other hand, I am happy for him that he has now set limits and is enforcing them. I know it is hard. We are getting a home security system and the police are just a phone call away. Is there anything I am missing, safety-wise?
If she made threats in
If she made threats in writing, make copies and see if you can get a restraining order.
This!!! You need to start
This!!! You need to start that paper trail now. Screen shot all the social media posts, start a file of documentation. It's good you are adding security. Her father might not be able to make the call but don't hesitate to do it yourself. She needs consequences for acting like that.
gives me flash backs to BM and some of her outbursts. Be the tough one.
Thank you.
Yes, agreed. No hesitation on my part; if she pulls a stunt like that again when I am here alone, I will call. Consequences...lack of them has been the issue and is why a 34 year-old acts this way. What you permit, you promote.
I am sorry you have dealt with this with BM. What did you do?
(I am soft and kind, but have no issue being tough when the situation warrants it. Almost 35 years in medicine has taught me a lot.)
Thank you.
I have kept a timeline of events over the last 1 1/2 years. I will have DH forward all emails to me so I can start a file. An interesting tidbit to add... DH's mom stated, "I thought she was over there killing Trudie." Yet, no call to the police! I feel I am blamed, because it is easier to blame me than to admit someone in your family has serious psychiatric issues. All in DH's family are in denial, as he had previously been. I know one can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink....
bowling team
I think your grown skids and my grown skids could start a bowling team. much commiseration to you. What a whack-a-no.
Thank you!
You gave me a much needed laugh...I often say "whack-a-dilly-doozer"!
Got Room for one more player
Got Room for one more player on this potential bowling league? My SD29 would be a great addition since I can so see her flying off the handle kind of like this. She has but didnt take it this far...yet. I am going to agree that Screenshots are your best friends , saving Emails, letters..etc ANY documentation that you can get your hands on and file away. Trust me on this. Do not hesitate to take any precautions necessary. Personally, I wouldnt also hesitate to turn my SD to the authorities in a heartbeat if she did even half of the shit yours is doing. Pull no punches! Give her no more chances.
Bowling….
There is way too much "bowling" going on! Can I say that I feel better that others have been in my shoes? To clarify, only in the sense that I am not alone. I am horrified that anyone has to experience this nonsense.
Yes, I keep it all. Can you believe that now she does not have access to me that she sends it through her dad? She is definitely not a thinker! ("Not a thinker" is what my family says when someone is NOT intelligent!) Like DH has told her, she's digging a deeper hole. He no longer responds.
Also...why do I feel bad about this? Anyone else struggle with this?
Trash is not to be recycled.
Trash is not to be recycled. Throw it out. Recyclables, have some use. Trash has none.
Do not confuse the two.
Good riddance to trash spawn being gone.
Yes.
You are right, Rags.
I Would Not Wait
I'd get my RO now....giving her a second chance is not a smart move. Her level of violence is scary. I mean, banging on windows, screaming at you in your neighborhood. Nah...I'd have called the police right then. I strongly urge you to consider an RO now...or at least making a police report. They can also do a "visit" if she's in the same city....warning her to stay away.
Her level of scary is nothing I would play around with.
Agreed….
Thank you for the nudge. OSD has a history of violence resulting in jail time. She attempted to push her mother out a window, assaulted a boyfriend, and assaulted a healthcare worker. DH says she would not hurt me. The more I think about it, the more unsafe I feel. We need to have a serious conversation. I don't think he thought she would behave the way she did a week ago either; as far as we know she was not drunk. He himself called her a "raving lunatic".
Before this happened, he had asked me to write down what had been going on, he wanted to share it with his family. He then asked if I would help him put his thoughts to paper as well. This was shared with his mom, sister, and YSD; the goal was not to ask people to choose sides, but to inform them of what we have been dealing with and to counter the lies being told by OSD. The delivery was factual and non-emotional. He had asked for his family's support, not one gave it. I was crushed for him; the three people he gives to tirelessly and without question. I don't even think it has hit him yet. As for me, I certainly can not expect empathy or an "I'm sorry you've had a tough time." or "I can't imagine how awful this must be." if they can't even show up for him. Those examples would be the bare minimum I would extend to a stranger; I can't imagine ever responding indifferently to family, friend, or a patient. Of course I realize there is denial going on. It is a very sick and sad situation.
Attacks
I fear for you Trudie! The sick emails I am trying to not imagine...but sadly because of Toxic Troll and Feral Forger I can imagine all kinds...
SD25 Feral Forger did a nasty post on a family text thread, and SD18 and a sister came to his defense and then called him. And hes not on it and did not see it. No one else called or texted support. Very sad. Take care of YOU!
Thank you.
Yes, I fear for me too. I told DH I would rather let the law handle it. I really had no idea this "step-stuff" was a thing! Had not heard of the nonsense from family or friends, so it's been a rude awakening. What I am having the most trouble with is the lack of accountability, meaning family is just giving OSD a free pass and turning their heads the other direction. They don't see it as abuse, or perhaps don't want to acknowledge it? Can't be sure because they won't talk about it. This behavior is just as sick as OSD's...probably sicker as they don't have mental illness. To some extent, I understand their lack of acknowledgement/support to me, but to their own son, brother, dad? I don't get it! (Sadly, it sounds like this is a common occurance.) I will continue to shut it down and fight to protect my personal peace and my marriage.
Your nicknames make me smile...there must be quite the history to earn those. I am sorry for what you have gone through.
Glad that you are here, sad that you are here
Yes, this steph@ll stuff happens a LOT. Lack of proper boundaries and programming from "society" contribute to the bad behavior.
SD25 Feral Forger. Shes just really gross. Like a feral creature that loves to live in their own filth. Just recently around the beginning of the year, husband moved her down from 3 hours north, and bags upon bags of trash from 1 room and then he cleaned and had to dispose of the mattress which was filty gross. A few years ago when she was living with bio mother Toxic Troll, she stole checks and cashed them against bank accounts. Got TT locked out of her bank account, and husband almost locked out. Former nickname is "winona" from an unfortunate incident of shoplifting.
There there is Sd18 Princess Powersulk Do Nada... self explained I think!
Yeah, Husband comes from a very large family and SD25 Feral Forger has in the past few years attempted to cultivate their allegiance in the case of forcing them to "choose sides".
Yuck
Just...yuck! It is beyond me why people would takes sides in this nonsense. How about encouraging them to shape up instead?
OSD has also been arrested for theft! She is "messy" too, although I do not know what extent since she is not allowed in our home. Messy enough that DH Did not want her in his home either.
A big dog. So sorry you are
A big dog. So sorry you are dealing with this raving lunatic!
Dog….
Thank you. A dog would not be a bad idea....