oh that's a toughie. Tell her ahead of time and potentially have a lidiot free holiday? orrrrrr wait and spring it on her after she's there and watch the dollar signs fade in her greedy lidiot eyes. I can see the appeal of both. 

Keep us updated!

Im not sure if I would tell her in advance moreso because I don't think I want want to deal with the drama and whining that would ensue in the next months ahead until Christmas .. And I don't think your husband has the guts to tell her firmly that's how it's going to be.

Although you may be right... She may change her mind about wanting to come which would be indicative that she's coming only if money and presents is involved. 

I would tell her... no sense in suffering through a visit if she doesn't deem it worth it... too much risk your DH will feel obligated to slay his own fatted cow for his daughter to make up for your parent's not having their annual fete.

I might do a "checkin" for her travel plans.. hey... LI, when were you planning on coming for the holidays.. It's going to be pretty low key this year, my parents aren't having their get together, so we are planning a low key dinner on Christmas Eve.. so you are free to plan to do other things

The worst that could happen is she will still come.  The best would be her deciding it wasn't worth it and not coming.

I say let her come and learn firsthand so that you can be a witness. Let your DH see how she acts when she can't cash in.

You're assured that the chances of her coming next year will dwindle if she's only in it for a cash grab.

If DH doesn't care that much about seeing LI - and I'm sure you could do without it - I'd tell her beforehand in the hope that she won't come.  

And tickets for BF.   Come on .....you are saying. ....Money fest time.   If you bought me a plane ticket, I would be over grabbing money ....First no plane ticket....  And definitely no plane ticket for BF...  if they make it to you by funding it themselves..   Then put a money limits on gifts,

  [ say, money is tight this year.. GP are on fix income and ther heating thing broke abd spend like $15,o00 to fix it ...almost.. maybe ]. 
So all gifts are $25 or $50. In value.  
But you know DH will not go for this.  I personally would never pay for a plane ticket for a  BF of 3 months...6 to come over my house and stay.  That is crazy.  

But nobody likes me ...anyway with my thoughts.   Your DH feeds into this whole thing with SD .. and you complain. [ I can understand ].  But it's  DH fault and problem.  You main problem is DH doesn't care about your feelings.  It's ok to vent.  You need to vent.  

I see your point about how telling her ahead of time could backfire. But I might not be able to resist taking the chance that she might not come. She sounds like such a drain, it would be nice to have a holiday without her hanging around seeing how much she can weasel out of y'all. 

Tell her ahead of time. AND give her a list of suggested gifts for your DH, your parents and yourself.

I can see why this would be a hard call to make. Honestly, if in the same position and if it were my SD too, I would most likely say the Hell with I and  lean towards giving her a heads up if it meant having the slightest chance  of discouraging LI from coming up. Sounds like you are long over due for a LI free Christmas and its much deserved! Not to mention a much more pleasant surprise not to mention a huge relief.  A Skid free holiday or ( LI free anything) would be a gift in and of itself if you ask me.  This is coming from someone who is so over coddling my almost 30 year old baby of an SD that Id risk any potential  backlash if it meant giving me my peace 

It would actually be the gift that keeps on giving the whole year 

However, if it seems like you are going to get stuck with her one way or another ( eww. barf is right) , my vote agrees with the others who suggested at least ( finally) puttng some of the responsibilty on her. Also would try to put a bug in DH's ear mentioning that she should be in a position at her age ( and about how she should be done with college. haha or have some kind of job) that gives her the ability to at least contribute something for a change.

While I also would ponder the idea of catching her in the element of surprise to lure out her true colors, who knows if DH will still fully understand with the rose colored glasses anyway if he is like mine. So I cant say that would make a world of difference.  It sounds like her greedy entitled attitude did come to light at past holidays that he might have noticed or did but just pretended not to in classic DH fashion. 

Other than something extremely vague like "we are scaling back this year"  no details.  I guarantee she won't be back next year and hopefully never again.

I'm on team don't tell her.  Let her come and then enjoy her grimaces and near tears anger over not getting to rip off your parents. Go with a card with note that the plane tickets are her gift.

Nearly 25yos are not the focus of Christmas and dirt bags like LI have no business being tolerated in their family extortion careers.  End her disappointment by making her clean up after the gathering.

Enjoy the show!!!

As for trying to talk about the meaning of Christmas aga again as her eyes glaze over, I would go with the scrub her nose in her own greedy stench model and keep that message crammed up her nose for the duration of her miscalculated Christmas visit.

Welcome to adulthood LI.  Idiots don't do well here.  Though it takes a little longer for these life lessons to sink in if the parents of the idiot are not interested in their spawn becoming viable adults.

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