Thoughts please
Okay steptalkers...what do you think of this.
Backstory. My DH met with SS30 last week and let him know we had set aside a sum of money (low 6 figures) for him to use as a down payment when he is ready to purchase a house/condo. SS30 currently lives with BM and has not held a paying job in over 5 years. He is currently doing some part time volunteer work and is thinking about trying university again (dropped out twice previously). Any money he has has been provided by BM not earned by him. The following is the email that he sent us and was titled...Your plans for my plan.
" I have already mentioned a plan to you. I told you I have investment and savings accounts where the money will be held for at least 10 years and then used for a large purchase like owning a house if it's even possible by then.
You rejected this plan, claiming the money is already doing that. This clearly indicates the plan is subject to approval and I would appreciate knowing the criteria.
I would also like to inquire about the benefits of submitting a plan for approval. Aside from the monetary boon, how will I benefit from this submission?"
Thoughts?
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He uses a lot of words to say
He uses a lot of words to say "Waaaaaa!"
He hasn't worked in 5 years yet he still eats. I'm assuming all he has to do to get the "low 6 figures" is to get a fulltime job, keep it (or another) for a few years, and pick out a house? What else is stopping him? He wouldn't get a mansion but a 6-figure down payment could mostly pay for a house or condo in less desirable areas. If he had been working even minimum wage and living with BM this whole time, he would have all he needed.
Even if he bought one....
Even if he bought a house or condo, he cant afford maintenance fee, taxes, utilities, etc since he has no income. Nothing to discuss further at this time.
I read this to mean... "give
I read this to mean... "give me the money now.. I will invest it and eventually when I have more saved.. I will put it towards a home or similar investment"
I would tell him that the money will stay with dad... and when he is able to independently purchase a home.. meaning stable job and some record of good fiscal habits (savings.. not too much debt).. the money will be provided coincident with the purchase of a primary home for SS.
He will not get the money while not working.. while in school.. when he doesn't have the ability to make house payments.
Thanks for your input
Thank you fellow step talkers. When I read this email, my first impression was what an arrogant and entitled man SS30 has become. I was raised to thank people when they help you not make more demands of them. Your opinions and advice are very welcome and inciteful and I shall pass them on to DH.
When I read this email, my
My thoughts exactly. I'd rescind the offer and never mention it again.
Thanks all
My DH and I have gone through all the comments and the current course of action is to go non-contact. Just let SS30 ponder for a long while. We live several thousand miles away from him and BM, so it is incredibly unlikely he will end up on our doorstep pleading his case. I would love to see DH go full-Rags on him but the is an unlikely scenario unless SS30 starts pushing DH for the cash. Rescinding the offer would be my choice, but I am only one vote at this time. Full, documented legal plans are out of the question at the moment as all of DH kids are masters at finding and using loopholes. We have 25+ years of dealing with that and enough is enough. The monies are in our control and we will decide when and how it is handed out.
I can't imagine being offered
I can't imagine being offered an extremely generous gift and then trying to negotiate an even better deal.
The only acceptable response is some variation of "thank you." I think I'd respond to his email with something simple: "as I said, this gift is available when you are ready to buy a house or condo, and there need be no further discussion about it until you are ready to do that."
SS just wants the money to piss it away
First of all. JUST why did DH go into a discussion of buying a home when he's not working. Ju`st tell him when he holds a Job for 5 years and has X% orcdien payment saved himself. You will give him the money. Not before
Can't agree more, Harry!
Can't agree more, Harry! However, I'm confused about; ....X% orcdien payment saved... What do you mean?
Update
Well, the past week has been a barrage of emails from SS30. Apparently DH and I are controlling, we set traps for him, have no right to ask him for plans or conditions for the use of our money, are responsible for him not completing some assignments he was working on and he will not communicate with DH by phone, only texts or emails. SS30 was told the amount and that the monies were to assist in getting him on the property ladder in the future. He was also told that when he was getting ready to get a property to call us and let us know his plans. The following is his last email to us.
"You never told me how much was set aside until now. You never mentioned what the plan was for or why. You told me SD29 had the same promise, despite her not being required to submit anything. The fact I had to submit anything is a bizarre conditional.
I feel as if I've had to turn screws to get basic information. This has caused me a lot of stress and I have fallen behind on some studies that I was really hoping to accomplish. From my perspective, it looked like I was going to submit plans until you and lala got the one you wanted, and then it was going to be held against me so that I followed to your liking. When you say "me and lala would still like our control" I need to start checking for traps because historically, it has been very controlling.
Thank you for clarifying my plan is acceptable. Thank you for clarifying how much is set aside. Thank you for your cooperation through this difficult conversation. If all goes according to plan then we don't need to talk about this for the next 10 years."
'Thoughts?
Hold him to not talking about
Hold him to not talking about the money for 10 years. All of the rest can, and should, be ignored.
He's really whiny for a 30
He's really whiny for a 30-year-old man.