I need some advice..... how would you handle this?

Quick backstory for those of you who don't follow my blog: Dh needed a car upgrade, so we saved 4 grand from our tax refund from this past year to buy him a newer used car. I held the money for him until the end of July when he was ready to purchase. Between when I gave him the money and when he found a car to buy (about 3-4 weeks) his 4000 dollars was down to 3200. He put an even 3grand down on his car, and the other 2 hundred was spent. A few days after we bought the car we got a child support deposit from bm (her tax refund was withheld and sent to us) in the amount of 2750. We knew it was coming and decided that he would use that to pay off his car, he got a more expensive car based on this money.

It's now been about two weeks and I just checked his bank account (ive see his account when I check mine because my name is joint on his) and his balance is down to 1700. Another thousand dollars gone. So now that's two thousand dollars of joint money that he has spend on something other than its intended purpose (paying off that car loan).

Needless to say, I am really pissed. While some of that money may have gone to stuff we needed, that vast majority went to bullshit.... His eating out everyday at work for lunch and coming home with take out for himself, buying a new phone, a new tablet, and other things we didn't need.

We still have to sell the car he was driving. The plan was to use the money that we got from selling that car to pay down his car loan (also factored into how much we decided to spend on this car). "His" old car is technically my car. I let him start driving it when I bought the family van and we just started refering to it as his car. But the title is still in my name and I paid every dime to pay that car off. So technically it is still my vehicle.

Now I want to take the money that we get from selling that car and keep it. He's blown two grand in the past two months of joint money and I don't feel like he should get the benefit of the proceeds to my car anymore. Would this be a foul thing to do? And if I was to do this should I discuss it with him now, or wait until it sells and then just take the money.

I feel bad because we did agree to use the money from that car towards its replacement, but he's blown so much of the money I have already agreed should go to the car that I don't want to anymore. It's functioed as his car for about three years, but tech its still in my name.

PeanutandSons's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

I would sell it and keep the

I would sell it and keep the money.

My DH has this issue. He blows money on stupid crap that we/he doesn't need and really don't have the money for. I finally got to the point where I would tell him. I hope that whatever you bought at (store) was worth the (insert amount here) because now your truck payment/light bill/water bill/etc isn't going to be paid this week. He went ballistic the first time I told him that. I said "Hey I've told you what needs to be paid, and that I won't know what will be left over until I pay all the bills, you took it upon yourself to spend the money without asking me if all the bills were paid. This bill not being paid is a consequence of your actions." He was pissed but you know I'm tired of freaking out over money. I make sure my stuff gets paid. If he spends the money then he can deal with the consequences. I don't write checks for bills anymore because he will see 500.00 in the account and I've got 375.00 pending in checks (bills) and he'll spend 300.00 and half the checks will bounce and then we'd be seriously in the hole because of all the fees-no thanks I just locked up the checks.

Anyways! Keep the money!

Lol, as fun as that would be,

Lol, as fun as that would be, we don't have it like that. That's what is so frustrating. We basically live paycheck to paycheck because neither biomom pays their child support. So to spend two thousand dollars and have nothing productive to show for it is pretty devistating for me. The car probably won't bring in much more than a thousand anyways.

If I kept the money I would use it to pay my own car note, or put it into savings for my boys.

But either way that 2 grand is gone. And whatever is left come next tax time will just eat up more of the refund. This car should have been damn near paid off and now it will have thousands left to pay.

Tell him that since the money

Tell him that since the money is not going where you agreed it would…so now you need to split the 4 thousand dollars. So basically he owes you 2 grand.

If it needs to come from the sale of his car so be it. Now split finances.

Split finances...Makes it

Split finances...Makes it easy...Keep the money from the sale of YOUR CAR. He doesn't get any of it...

OT - Just curious... since

OT - Just curious... since you got 2750.00 from CS for the Skids, did THEY get anything from that money?

He bought then each a tablet

He bought then each a tablet for Xmas.

But the way I see it..... We support those kids fully year round. They have everything that they need from us. So when child support does come in, I see it as a reimbursement for fronting bm's half all year long. I am not about to support those kids all year long and then when support comes in say that its their money to go play with. That's our money as parents for our household.

Completely understood.

You made an agreement with

You made an agreement with your DH. Just because he isn't completely abiding by them doesn't give you a "pass" to ignore what YOU agreed to.
Sell the car, and YOU put the money into the new car. (Don't trust him to pay it on the new car. He's not that responsible.)
This tit-for-tat thing with adult spouses just baffles me. :?

You made an agreement with

You made an agreement with your DH. Just because he isn't completely abiding by them doesn't give you a "pass" to ignore what YOU agreed to.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I so disagree with this. He made the agreement null and void when he started being a dumb ass with their money and not spending it where he agreed to spend it.

But this should be a lesson learned for the OP. Split money and don’t trust him to spend correctly.

I know I can't trust him with

I know I can't trust him with money... That how we've ended up with no savings. And why I held into the original pot of money for 4 months, there'd had been nothing left if he held onto it.

When I transferred it back to his account, he was supposed to buy a car that weekend. It just took longer than he thought to find a car, as the one he wanted to buy had mechanical issues. In hind sight I should have taken the money back, but its a 4 day transfer process to move money from my savings to how account (ive had to open a savings account at a different bank to keep him from raiding my savings).

As for the child support money, we hadn't gotten the payment tickets yet to pay the car note so he couldn't pay it right away. I had him open an account at the same bank I have mine (online ING account) and he told me he was going to transfer the money here for safe keeping until his payment book came. He obviously didn't, and has been spending the money.

I am seperating our finances as much as I can.

Hmm. Well, every contract

Hmm. Well, every contract I've ever read says that the nullification of one point doesn't nullify the entire contract.
IF the OP is treating this as such, which is what it sounds like, then this holds true.

Not to mention, it's a marital relationship. "You picked my nose so I'll pick yours" just seems so...juvenile.

Yes, I am torn betwenlen

Yes, I am torn betwenlen keeping my word and following through as. I say I would... And not wanting to be taken advantage of anymore and putting my foot down to make a stand.

Keep the money. If he gets

Keep the money. If he gets mad just explain your point. He has taken 2K, that you both agreed would go towards the car note, and spent it on stuff that wasn't really needed and now wants to take the profit from the sale of your car and put it towards paying off his car not mention additional money that you will be paying to pay off the remainder of his car including the 2K that should have gone towards the total amount owed and the additional interest that will be added on because of that desicion.

There was no contract signed. You are not legally obligated to this agreement. Did he talk to you before he spent the 2K after you both decided where the money was supposed to go? Doesn't sound like it. Sometimes people need to learn the hard way.

And on a side note given his track record, who's to say that he would even take the money from the sale of your car and spend it on his car loan? He may just blow that too and then what. This isn't a tit for tat moment. It's a teachable moment.

I would take the money from

I would take the money from the sale of the car, and do as you see fit with it!!!! Choose whatever you want with the money--- however----- it would be over my dead body if I were to Improve HIS situation even more by paying down HIS car note!!!!!

Also, that is YOUR car girl!! Just because someone or yourself referred to it as "his" car, certainly does not make it his car. You purchased the car, he got the "priveledge" of driving it. Period.

Simply put- HE did not honor his word & his agreement to put the funds where they were supposed to go. An agreement in a relationship is completely different then say a Contact to purchase something.

& just wondering. Did Your kids get tablets as well for Christmas? I have a feeling they didnt (but I could be wrong)

He got one for our older son

He got one for our older son (3) but not one for the infant (obviously, lol).