Official Stepdad is divorcing BM
BM's home state court records are accessible to the public so I decided to try searching today since I had not yet this week to see if that would give us more insight on to what is going on at BMs. Yep, Stepdad filed to divorce BM on 12/10/24. On one hand it is upsetting because at least with BM being married there was not men coming in and out of SD's life (for the most part, since we already knew she cheated on him while married at least a few years ago). On the other hand, DH says it feels like it validates him to other people who she has ran her mouth about to him that now after two divorces that hopefully people will see BM is the problem. Not that DH cares really, but just frustrating all the vile stuff she has lied about in regards to DH and his character.
UGH, poor SD and her sister. BM just cannot provide a stable home and life for the kids.
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But DH lives in a completely
But DH lives in a completely different state now though... right?
If it were me, I wouldn't even bother consulting other lawyers after the New Year. A judge would not penalize a BM for getting a divorce. It seems like she would just be able to justify all of the recent behaviors with that explanation.
That really stinks for SD and her sister though.
Still curious... what percentage of the time during the year does SD visit?
Yes we live in a completely different state
Oh absolutely a lawyer will not switch custody because of those changes because she could blame it all on the divorce.
It definitely does still stink for SD and her sister, completely.
And 20% of the year and more on years we get Christmas
I'm not even a little bit
I'm not even a little bit surprised her marriage didn't work out. I understand why your DH feels vindicated by it; personally watching XH have one failed relationship after another has made me feel better myself. It's not that I wish ill upon him, it's just nice to have confirmation that I'm not the only one who couldn't deal with him.
I'm with you on that. I am
I'm with you on that. I am happy my first husband has found a nice woman. We have been divorced for 10 years and any anger I had towards him has dissipated. I care about him, but I selfishly want him to have a happy relationship with someone new so THEY can take care of him instead of our kids having to care for him as he ages.
He and his girlfriend and his girlfriends daughter and son-in-law came over to my house for Thanksgiving, and they are set to return to my house for Christmas Day. I'm glad that we can all be cordial. I have no strong feelings or attachment to my XH1, so his new woman has nothing to worry about when it comes to me. If I had wanted him back, I could have tried over the last 10 years....I'm good. LOL She can have him.
It just seems (to me) that none of the men I've loved has done better since I left them. XH1 finally seems to have found someone, but XH2 (as far as I know) has not found a new VICTIM. And I haven't seen any evidence that my XBF of nearly a year has found someone, but it's not for lack of trying. I'm glad I'm not dating. I hear it's a cesspool out there. No thanks.
OP, I'm glad your husband feels vindicated, but I'm oh so sad for SD and her 1/2 sister. It's obvious SD is suffering. I can't imagine how her sister must feel. Poor kid.
Oh absolutely!
We are sad for them too. Especially when BM has been playing the who's your daddy. Telling the kids DH is both of their dads while also telling SD to call DH by his first name and not "Dad," but calling stepdad "Dad." Then also at one point making it that stepdad was both of their dads. Just so many mind games.
The reason SD is stressed is
The reason SD is stressed is because her mother is a crazy person. Even a divorce shouldn't be causing her to have the problems her teachers describe (dropping things - wtf?). But any life event with a batshite crazy mother will be made into such a thing that it will affect her. I feel sorry for SD and the poor sister who will likely never know who her father is or if he is or isn't a rapist. All you guys can do is try to be a stable presence in SD's life and keep BM's craziness as far from your family as possible.
Oh absolutely and there is not
a thing we can do about that. BM is very selfish always has been and always will be. I just wish she would step up and be a role model for her kids and there have been times DH and I are like oh she's getting her shit together, great. Then it becomes clear that no, it was just one positive moment.
I had the same hunch you did,
I had the same hunch you did, and sadly it was correct.
Poor SD and her sister. Life is odd enough for children living in two homes, no matter how well the parents co-parent. But to have a mom who forced ideas and names on them "Dad's not Dad dad's first name here" "Mommy's husband is "Dad" now and you'd better call him that." "Don't tell Dad (your DH) what's going on, keep the secrets" "Never mind about StepDad, you hate him now"
that kind of pressure is difficult for an adult. but a kiddo? it's like living in a snow globe world. every time things seem settled someone shakeks it all up again. and it's mommy who's doing the shaking.
It is sad and I think the snow globe is
a great analogy for how BM is. We WANT BM to get her shit together we WANT BM to be in a successful relationship and be a role model for her kids. I even said above there have been times that we think that might be happening and then like you're saying things get shaken up again and we realize, nope still the same shit just different day.
DH and I always knew it wouldn't last and it honestly lasted longer than we thought it might. The beginning of their marriage for the first year they lived apart while he was overseas. That is when we knew she was cheating on the stepdad and then SD has made comments over the years about them fighting and sounding like going to someone else's house because they are fighting. DH and I try really hard not to fight/argue in front of SD and same for DD. It is good for them to see conflict to know that in a good marriage there still is disagreements, etc. but conflict and resolution in front of the kids is different than fighting in my opinion.
At first I was happy that DH and I had DD all to ourselves for her first Christmas, but now I just feel guilty and sad that SD is not coming here for Christmas this year to get a break from the mess that is happening over there. Based on our call this past weekend it sounds like BM could potentially already have another man.