Refuses to host

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Hello,

Married adult stepdaughter refuses to host her father and I for a meal. I have been hosting every Thanksgiving these past years, and last year everyone in her family of five was ill. Lots of wasted money and time spent on it.

I told her it' was her turn next time, and she said her husband didn't know how to put a meal together! Just wondering if anyone else has encountered this type of situation.

You can refuse just like she

You can refuse just like she can. If your DH wants to host, he does the cooking and cleaning. Or he can have a conversation with his daughter about her selfishness. But YOU get to step back and let them solve it.

There are places that will do

There are places that will do carry out meals at thanksgiving.. there are restaurants that serve it.

I would just hold firm in that you are not hosting thanksgiving. If she doesn't want to do it.. then I would plan a cruise for you and your DH.

I would probably take it as a

I would probably take it as a gift that gets me out of having to hang out with them.

This absolutely.

If the woman doesn't want to host anything.. that's fine. enjoy the absence of stress!

I mean.. thanksgiving.. the annual day of airing family grievance.. haha... who needs it. against my better judgement, we went to my MIL's for Tday this past year.. did not end well. I would rather eat cold cereal than a nice dinner with crap company.

!

Oh my goodness, you read my mind!

I feel your pain. I agree

I feel your pain. I agree with other commenters that you don't need to bend over backwards for those who do not reciprocate.

A few months ago when SDiabla28&26 were house sitting in our area they invited ONLY DH to go have dinner with them at the house they were sitting. This is after I have hosted countless Thanksgivings and Xmas dinners for the diabla brazillas. I am so done with the drama that I see it for what it is but I didn't let it ruffle my feathers. DH is an idiot to go but he went. That was the only part that hurt a little. I stayed home and enjoyed the peace and quite. No sweat off my back.

DH said YSD cooked (yuck) and he claimed the meal was good. The funny thing is SD's know that I cook healthy and delicious meals. It was totally an attempt at being mini-wives. BM is the worst cook ever. SD's have brought leftovers to our house and they have always been gross, plain and flavorless.

I told DH that I think SDiablas staying somewhere else and DH seeing them on their terms actually worked out to be a great solution. It's much better than having them bring their dark cloud and ungrateful selves over here to gobble up my meals. DH didn't like to hear that very much. Too bad buddy. You're the one running over to have dinner with the mini-wives without your real wife. I would never do that if my kids were to pull a stunt like that. I'd say that I'm not going if DH isn't invited too. C'est la vie

Yes!

I am with you, Elea! I would not go if my DH were not invited and I would make sure the host understood why I declined.

Did you tell your DH that you were hurt? I hope you did.

Thanks for the camaraderie

Thanks for the camaraderie Trudie! I can't remember if I told him I was hurt. I think I mostly conveyed being angry which probably isn't the most effective emotion to express but it's what I felt!

I would have said " we are

I would have said " we are not entertaining on the holidays any longer"---- and YES I would have make that broad sweeping statement.

I would have left out --- It's your turn.

That's just me.

I kind of agree here. While

I kind of agree here. While it might be nice for her to offer to reciprocate... I don't think I would have necessarily told her it was "her responsibility to host this year".. inviting themselves over.

All that really needed to be said was that you weren't planning on hosting anything...that it was just more than you could manage and you hope she understood.

Restaurants

This is why God made restaurants.

!

YSD invited us to eat only once in her home. Her SO made the meal; it was good until I found a dog hair. It was all I could do to finish. She will occasionally send things home with her dad, or give some holiday goodies, but I do not eat anything prepared in her home. Dog hair, no thank you! Also, they have been ill for the last 6+ months and pass it back and forth to each other (and the house guests that stay...when people are sick!). They also go to public events and expose others to their Covid, strep, etc. I just don't understand this....

ESMOD is right

There are many places who sell complete Thanksgiving dinners. All SD needs is the money to buy them. Drinks dessert coffee. That's a meal.

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