Yes, it's odd to me, too.  I couldn't wait to get away from my parents' home and you were probably the same.  Sigh....

to the kid at that point.  After that, they have to earn it with appropriate behaviors or... GTF out and work and pay for it themselves. KISS.

You do not need him to know anything other than he can do what he is told or GTF out.

Like you, I would not kick a kid out to be homeless. Though for damned sure kids like your SKid need to think that you would. And in a hurry at that.

The key to clarity for these kinds of kids is the burning platform.  They need to be scared so shitless of being put out and they need to have their tail feathers singing with ever increasing heat to the point that they jump on their own accord.

We had to adopt the burning platform for ours after he turned 18.  He was always exceptionally well behaved, polite, kind and really a pleasure to be around... for the most part anyway.

However, the influence of the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool was something we had to counter and protect him from.  Unfortunatley their guilt drove him to refuse to take advantage of the mom and dad full meal deal college experience scholarship.  Though in hindsight my position on this might have been part of the reason he chose to not go to college.  SpermLand ends CS at the later of age 18 or HS graduation unless the kid is a full time student in good standing with their university/college/tech school.   In that case CS continues until the kid turns 21 with CS going directly to the kid rather to the former CP.   We had told SS that we would cover 100%  college tuition, fees, room, board, travel, car, insurance. My stipulation was that his discretionary money had to come from him informing the DAs office of his student status and CS continuing and was my stipulation for paying for everything else.   The tears and guild from the SpermClan about how that would deprive his three younger also out of wedlock Spermidiot spawned half sibs of food, clothing, etc, etc, etc... likely was a main thing that drove him to refuse to go to school.

We did have a challege getting him to graduate on time. He was kicking ass at Military boarding school, honor student, recognized athelete, first trumpet in the band, selected for leadership summer camp, etc when the SpermIdiot hacked the school fire wall and he and SS would stay up all night playing WoW so SS was a zombie in class. He ended up failing all but 1 class the first semester of his Sr. year.   He only needed one specific class in the Fall and another in the Spring to graduate though he was taking a full class load.  One of the classes he failed was the the one he needed in order to graduate in the Spring.  That class was not offered in the Spring or during the summer so we would have had to pay another two semesters worth of tuition for him to graduate from that great school. So, we jerked him out at Winter break and brought him home.  We put him in our local HS where he knew no one. We told him he would graduate on time or he was in deep shit.  Part of that was that I took him on a tour of the homeless camp under the elevated Interstate in Philly to meet his new neighbors if he failed to graduate on time.   That scared the ever loving shit out of him.

He was assholes and elbows digging in to graduation on time after that and he knew his mom and brought him into this world and was about to take him out if he pissed her off at that point. In addition to the two classes he needed to graduate from the Military school, to graduate from our local HS (A great school. The highest rated in the state) he also had 4 more classes. A math class, a history class, two career track classes, and ... he had to complete a comprehensive Sr project that was assigned at Winter break of Jr year.  He had 6wks to get that full year project done.  That kid worked his ass off.  He would regularly engage me for comfort regarding how pissed his mom was with him. "Dad, mom is really pissed at me." Yes son, your mom is very disappointed and hurt.  

He graduated on time and with honors.  Though it was not a particularly celebratory event.  We flew my ILs in and my parents were there for his graduation.  The mood was more like that of a funeral than a graduation.

After HS graduation we had to work through the refusal to go to college and the campaign of guilt and manipulation by the SpermClan regarding keeping them on the hook for CS.

We knew that he responded to extreme discomfort.  That is what had gotten him to graduation on time. So, we rebuilt the burning platform, planted him in the middle of it, and torched that sucker into white hot flames.

The deal was if he was a full time student he could live at home. Or, if he was part time student and working part time. Or, if he was working full time. Nope, not interested.

We made it clear that sofa rodeo rider was not a career option and that our sofa was not bucking around our family room and did not need to be held down.  So, his life was one day at a time after he turned 18 at the end of the summer after HS graduation.  Being housed, fed, and clothed was dependent on his completion of an ever growing daily chore list M-F.  If he had the chores done by the time we got home from work, he got to stay and do it all over again the next day. Different chores of course.  On weekends all he had to do was cook and clean up after all meals that we ate at home.  If we went out to eat, he came with us. If we we took a trip, he came with us. But, if we were home, he was our live in unpaid back and call chore boy.  That kid swept, vacuumed, moped, cleaned, polished, dusted, wiped, scrubbed, trimmed, cliped, weeded, washed, folded, sliced, diced, choped, cut, cook, served, etc... for the next 8mos.

If he failed to complete the chore list by the time we arrived home from work, the next morning he was on the curb until we got home from work.  Once we got hom he had until we left for work the next AM to get the previous days unfinshed chores and the days chores he did not do because he was on the curb done or.. back on the curb. Lather, rinse, repeat.

He only tested us twice on that. Once in early Sept when it was hot and humid as hell. We came home and he was lying on the back covered patio sweating his ass off and as pissed off as he could be that he had no food or water. We introduced him to the garden hose at that point and reiterated that there was food and water inside and if he got his chores done as directed, he would be in airconditioned well fed and watered nirvana.  The second time he tested us was in Dec and it was a bit chilly.  He spent an uncomfortably cold day on the curb that time. I did grab the comforter off of his bed when I walked him out the door on my way to work and tossed it to him as I climbed in my car.  At the end of the day, he was bundled on the back patio shivering. But, he wasn't thristy.  The garden hose was right next to the patio.

4mos after starting his career as our live in unpaid beck and call chore boy he enlisted in the military on the delayed entry program. He passed his 14yr service anniversary two months ago and is less than 6yrs from full retirement.

His mom and I are very proud of him.  

We laugh about the beck and call chore boy period from his 18th B-day until he left for basic training 8mos later.  Though he does scowl a bit when it comes up in conversation when we are together.  He does thank us for not letting him just wither and become a game addicted dipshit like his Spermidiot.

So, build the platform, plant his ass right in the middle of it, and torch it.  He can either let his backside roast, or launch into adulthood. Keep turning up the heat until he does.  At some point, kids like this need to finish growing up on their own time and their own dime.

Try a tour of the local homeless camp.  Those wonderful people were absolutely incredible when I dropped SS off with them for a couple of hours. They fed him, they gave him hot coffee, and they chewed his ass about having parents who obviously loved him so he had better get his ass in class and do the work.

Of course we would not have kicked him out to be homeless. But he did not know that.

*dirol* 

In the interest of full disclosure. I had my version of the issues that my SS and yours struggle(d) with. I had an extra eyar of HS, though I did graduate at the top of my class.  After that, I was on the 11yr undergrad plan before I finally completed my BS. That included starting and selling a business, a failed marriage, and any number of young man brain farts.

Put his ass on the burning platform and light that sucker up.  He can stand and roast or leap. 

He is about to be a kidult.  He does what he is told or he can GTF out.  Though like you, I would not make a kid homeless.  Just exceptionally uncomfortable until they launch.

A kid in my family has similar limitations (mildly on the spectrum, ADHD.) His parents pushed him to reach his potential. He works a skilled trade that doesn't involve as many "people skills". He lives at home for now but he isn't, you know, just sitting at home. He's gone 40 plus hours a week working. He was living on his own but struggled with budgeting and bills. The goal is for him to save and try again, likely with help from parents managing his money and paying his bills. They weren't about to let him loaf. ETA he's early 20s.