she would be spending her bday alone if it were up to me. just because it's her bday is not an excuse for her to be a snarky bitch.

Lol, you and your daughters could go, but sit at another table...heehee! That's really wrong of me, but it would be funny. I'm sorry you are going through this.

It is her birthday....it sounds like maybe the two of you don't get along so well. Let your husband go alone. I cannot stand my future SD and when my SO sees his juggalo daughter I never go with. What good comes out of you going? A free dinner? If that's your concern take your daughters go somewhere else. You don't have to go EVERYWHERE with your husband, especially not if she's there. Think of it as your absence being your gift to her. Plus your husband will really appreciate you for it. If you keep insisting on going everywhere with him he may start to resent you.

Eh, I would tell DH that he can go by himself. But I wouldn't feel the need to be one big happy family at other times either. Meaning, it's your kids' bithdays, she doesn't need to be invited. Gifts for SD's events, you don't have to contribute, neither do your girls.

No big deal.

My daughters and my SD live in the same house and dont even speak. SD lived with us 50% of the time from 9 yr old to 11. Was PAS'd so bad at 11 by her mother and told to " not take any shit" from my girls (who were 3 years younger then her) so she actually went after my 8 year old with a baseball bat over a kick ball dispute. I told DH she is not coming back with out help. Shortly after that her mother moved her and her sister (same age as my girls) out of state. At age 15 we found tha SD and her Mom had a physical dispute (imagine that?) and we petitioned for custody. Which BM gave willing. When she came back she was thick as thieves with my kids as well as myself. However she was robbing them blind of jewelry and clothes. Once that was discovered and she was called out on the lies and thieving, she now refers to us as Satan and her spawns. And that is fine.
Has her grandparents and aunt and uncles thinking I am the evil step mother and my girls are the evil step sisters. When infact we did nothing but GIVE GIVE GIVE to this kid.
The reason I provided that back round was we have the opposite issue. I just said to DH last night: SD16's birthday is in less then a month, are you doing cake or anything for her.

His response was probably. My response was: "well please let me know what day you will be doing that so that me and my girls can make alternative arrangements not to be here for it. This way you can have your family and SD16 and all will be happy"

See this situation goes both ways. Did you ever stop to think your kids really dont care to be involved anyway but have been raised not to be ignorant and would never dare say that as they are respectful and wouldnt want to hurt their SF feelings.

I urge you to talk to your kids...Im willing to bet, they really dont care about going anyway.

Take your girls out somewhere nice.....that is NOT where your H is taking HIS daughter.

Honestly, my father never visits me without his girlfriend. He drags her along every time (rare enough as it is). I don't dislike the woman, but she is his girlfriend, not mine, ya know? He has his two kids with him all the time and his exwife's daughter.

I had not seen or spoken to him in 20 years, and he couldn't spend 3 hours away from his family to have dinner with me without bringing them. It wasn't that I hated his kids or his girlfriend or wife (yes, both), I just resented that he couldn't give me an hour without them. I felt like that too, girlfriend "has" to come. Again, don't have any relationship with the woman, she seems nice enough. I don't mind her being there sometimes, but I have never seen my father without one of his women with him (different situation, you are not "one of his women" with your DH, you're his wife, I am using that term referring to MY father and his back-to-back and overlapping girlfriends/wives)

So, I say send DH alone with her. Have him tell her that you hope to see her again soon and send your Birthday wishes and that you thought maybe she would enjoy a little one-on-one time with her Dad for her birthday.

Who cares. Make the choice to have DH take the viper out by herself. It will be better all the way around because you know you really don't want to be around toxic skids. They can have their time (where she guilt trips him and makes him miserable) and you won't have to tolerate her hostile vibes and BS. Take your own daughters out somewhere fun while he's with his princess. You'll have a better time than he will, guaranteed. Don't ask him how it went when he returns, just tell him what a good time you had with your kids.