Not related to step parenting, confusion about women in general
I've managed these couple of days without calling my girlfriend and life is not as good as it used to be.
I just don't get it. According to her, he emotionally and verbally abused her throughout her entire marriage. well, she claimed, "You (lonely and confused guy) are a true gentleman."
She also told me she regreted having a child with him, she wish she had waited for me.
When I talked about her lies, she basically broke down and told me she knew she took advantage of me, she did it to me because I am a "nice guy." She'd never thought about misleading her ex husband because he wouldn't let her. That pisses me off.
I still cannot figure her out. She said she would always care about her ex husband, and she would always consider him as the child's father. She will do everyting to make her daughter feel safe.
What exactly is she talking about? I don't understand her thought process. Is she still in love with him?
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All the information shared is
All the information shared is through email and text messages.
She also texted, "I decided
She also texted, "I decided to bare my soul in front of you and anything you need and want to know about me, I will tell you the truth."
Funny thing is I am a simple guy. I just need to know she loves me. That is it.
Guess I lucked out, I married
Guess I lucked out, I married a good man who happens to be a perfect gentleman, a nice guy, and treats me like an angel. At the same time, he doesn't let me walk all over him, take advantage of him or manipulate him. I read these boards and I am absolutely APPALLED by what the men and women on here tolerate in the name of love. His last wife took full advantage of the gentleman, the nice guy, the pedestal he put her on. Through that (and therapy) he learned to balance those qualities with boundaries and self-resepct.
I think too many people in the world, in general, are in love with the idea of being in love and aren't even looking for the right fit. Marriage is hard, for sure, but love shouldn't hurt.
OP, it is time to move on. When someone tells you and shows you that they lie and manipulate, believe them. Also believe that they won't change. You've chosen a woman who wants to be mistreated. Find one that will appreciate who you are. We're out there. I promise.
Sue, I think there is
Sue, I think there is confusion when we call someone a "nice guy".
Some think being a nice guy is just that, being nice.
But I think the OP is confusing being nice with being taken advantage of.
You can still be a "nice guy" without letting someone walk all over you.
I don't disagree with you,
I don't disagree with you, Sue.
I just think some people don't understand that you can be nice while not letting someone take advantage of you.
I used to hear this all the time from the man I was dating at the time. He would bitch and moan that "nice guys always finish last".
What he didn't understand that while he thought he was being a nice guy he was actually being a push over.
Good point, Sue. I landed him
Good point, Sue. I landed him because I don't try to take advantage of his kindness. And he attracted me because he wouldn't allow me to do so.
Well, as I have said before I
Well, as I have said before I am kind of in a really similar situation as you with my FDH in that I am being taken advantage of and not getting the level of respect that I feel I deserve, yet I am still in love with him and still really want to make it work. I constantly over think the whole situation and try to make sense out of his actions, MIL's actions, BM's actions, and it all just drives me insane and as you said , "Life is not as good as it used to be". That being said, I feel you and I'm sorry you are feeling like shit right now.
What is she talking about when she says she wants to keep her daughter safe and keep the ex close? I dont have kids, so maybe I dont get it yet in terms of how parents truly feel(thats is sure what FDH and BM tell me) but, thinking as a woman and from my own perspective, if I was doing what your girlfriend is doing, I would be doing it for my own personal benefit. Period. Probably for the attention mostly and also to keep the ex as an option for help. Emotional help or financial help or help watching the baby, or just having company around or to feel needed or feel gratified. But basically keeping him around as an option. Maybe if all else fails and she really hates being alone(which is the type I suspect she is) then she might go back to him. Does that mean she still loves him? I dont know but it definetly sounds to me like there are some kind of feelings. It seems like she mostly just puts herself first and whoever out there that will also put her first is who she will act loving towards.
I personally dont understand at all trying to have such a close relationship with an ex. I think it is retarded and confuses the kids and abosuletly makes it uncomfortable and unbearable for any potential new mate. The past it the past for a reason. I cant for the life of me understand why my FDH and BM up until recently basically acted like a couple but without the intimacy. It seems like your GF is acting the same way with her ex.
As for her ex being abusive to her, I was previously in an emotionally and sometimes physically abusive relationship for about 3 1/2 years. When I finally got the nerve to break it off with him, REALLY break it off with him and not take him back like I always did before, I moved, didnt tell him where I moved to and avoided him like the black plague. We had TONS of mutual friends, hangout places, and even my family was close with him. I went out of my way at all costs to not be where he was and if I ended up somewhere that he was I would LITERALLY run out of there. I would NEVER have given him a f*#king key to my house.
End of point, I think the best advice for you is that you cant understand crazy. The more you try to understand it the more crazy it will make you. Go out with friends or do things you enjoy alone, DONT contact with her and maybe even go out on a few dates to get your mind off of her. Try to think about anything else and keep busy. All women are not like this one, there are 6 billion people in the world. Hell, go to Asia and most of the women there will literally drop at your feet and do anything to be with you just for being an nice American guy with a nice job. Go take a vacation and get your mind off of this mess.
If there was ever a time to
If there was ever a time to read this, this would be it:
http://gettinbetter.com/blackmail.html
Borderline women, the more you know.
It is very funny that I have
It is very funny that I have never been called a nice guy.
I finally realized that I have never truly known her, that is all.
I never sat down with her and asked about her ambiton, her likes and dislikes, what does she want from this life. Maybe subconsciously, I am avoiding being a step dad myself.