Retroactive support?
Ok a little background:
BM and BF were never married. At the time of the split rather than going through court they had an agreement for how BF should pay etc. She asked that he pas his D 10 private school (which is a bit more than what CS would be per the calculator for our state) rather than he pay her and she then pay the school, insurance, half of extracurricular and incidentals that happen on his time. He has EOW. No holidays. A common problem of late, is BM making decisions without BF input and then expecting him to pay half, i.e.: Birthday parties and what not. BF has been putting his foot down, because sometimes these get very expensive. Last call of this nature BM claimed she was going to ruin his life, take him to court. I researched some case law in my state and it seems that our state is a from birth state for retroactive child support if the parents were not married. However BF supported both BM and D 10 until they split five years ago. Some of the case law I found points towards that if there was an agreement that worked for a time then the court looks to this as support even without a court order, and there have been very few cases that have ordered retroactive support back to the time of birth, especially if it seems to be a vindictive filing. She filled for support once and then withdrew within days. Has anyone else had experience with retroactive support? Does having a CO help with visitation? I almost want her to file just so she can’t hold it over his head as a threat, but I know it’s going to be expensive. Any input would be welcome.
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I sure hope he has record of
I sure hope he has record of what he gave her. Some courts will look at money given voluntarily as a GIFT and not CS.
Having a CO may or may not help with visitation as most violations of the CO (on the BM's part) get nothing more than a slap on the wrist.
Any chance, way of getting it in writing from her (via text or email or whatever) that he HAS been paying for things as per their agreement to do CS privately?
He has the cancelled checks.
He has the cancelled checks. I forgot to add he also pays half of child care, and has the cancelled checks for that as well. I do not think she would give him any thing in writing.
I'm sure she wouldn't if he
I'm sure she wouldn't if he said, "Hey, you know that verbal agreement that we had...."
He'd have to be sneaker than that.
BTW, cancelled checks don't mean squat to the courts UNLESS he put Child Support in the memo line. Otherwise, she could claim they were just gifts to her.
Good point....I know that
Good point....I know that they discuss payment via text, so maybe something could be done there.
I think he should gather all
I think he should gather all paperwork and proof together and have a consultation with an attorney, just to know where he stands. Then he can make a decision based on knowledge and not fear. He can call her bluff or at least be prepared if she does take him to court.
Either way, take that power away from her.
She might have withdrawn her previous filing because she realized she was getting a better deal the way it was.
It certainly can all get VERY
It certainly can all get VERY messy and it's hard to compare since it seems to depend on your state for so many of the rules and regulations. The one thing I do know is that if she does move forward with filing a court order, most judges prefer to base their judgement on what has been the status quo - and if historically the every other week has been the status quo, then they will be more likely to keep the child's custody arrangement the same, which SHOULD mean that a 50/50 agreement equals less child support owed in general.
However, for example in my state, even if the actual visitation is 50/50, they require one parent to be the actual "custodial" parent...thus, that parent gets the child support and the other has "extended visitation parenting time". In a 50/50 visitation situation, they figure out the amount that each parent based on their income WOULD pay to support their child, and whichever parent owes more pays the difference to the other parent. If this was applied to your situation that would mean the child support amount may not be any more than what he has been paying anyway.
As for retroactive pay, I wonder if they would consider the payments directly toward a private school as part of child support or not. Given that private school is kind of a non-necessary thing (being that public school is free) AND it was paid directly to the school and not to the mom, they may not consider it "child support" paid to BM, and yes, I think it is possible they would require him to pay back pay, which would suck
I'd say get a free consultation from a family law firm. In my DH's experience, we actually got a lot more helpful information (FOR FREE) from an Associate Attorney at a family law practice, rather than going through a super popular and experienced lawyer who owned her own firm (not that she didnt have more experience/knowledge, but she seemed to busy to concern herself with DH's case).
Outside of him getting
Outside of him getting quality time with his daughter, that is my biggest concern. Because if we wed that will directly affect me and children that we have together. I am worried that the court wouldn't consider the school support. At the time it made sense to BF because she makes more than he does but wanted SD 10 in a private school. There was an amendment a few years back that states that retro can not become a financial burden to the father.
Which state are you in?
Which state are you in? Retroactive support in certain states can ONLY be collected from the time of the first court filings. If she didn't file anything with the court, the you may be in luck (DH's state was one such state.)
Also, I hope he has records and receipts of the stuff he paid for (school should give him the copy/records) but actually, if the amount he currently gives her is more than what the state CS calculator says, tell her she's welcome to take him to court. It'll most likely work out in his favor.
Sadly in our State that isn’t
Sadly in our State that isn’t the case. Retroactive can go back to the time of birth if the parents were never married and there is no statute of limitations, although there was a case that a mother tried to get retro (surprise surprise after the father got remarried) and the court told her no dice as he was paying her an agreed amount for fourteen years prior to her filing. Thank you for all the advice, I called a friend of mine who is an attorney and he gave me a name for a guy that’s supposed to be heavy into fathers rights. BF is going to set up an appointment and see what his options are.