I have always told my dd, you don't have to like him/her BUT you will always respect the fact that is my/ex spouse. If you care about your parent, you will respect that person.

We are a couple......any other treatment would be disrespectful to me/ex and that isn't acceptable.

First I'd want to know why, was it intentional? Are they feeling like they are.being disloyal to the bio and is someone making them think that exclusion is okay? I get that sometimes events come up where a kid has to limit how many people they can invite my ds will graduate next year and if it's bad weather she is limited on tickets someone will get hurt. Doing it out of nastiness, control and manipulation will find my own kids with a dressing down and a refusal to negotiate with their demands. They'll either get over it or get on with it. I won't play.

I don't have any bios but if I did, I would feel like I didn't do something right in raising them if they did something like that. To purposely not include somebody that I love would be very hurtful and I would hope my bios would not want to hurt me like that. I would never do that to my parent.

So, I guess I would have to have a heart to heart chat with them to find out what is going on in their head. And let them know that I would not be attending, if that was their attitude. They don't have to love who we love, but they need to respect the fact that we do love that person.

What these kids don't realize, is that them not including the step parent is more a reflection of their relationship with their bio parent, than their relationship with the step parent. I am respectful to my dad's wife, not because SHE deserves the respect, but because I have that respect for my DAD.

My dad's wife was especially horrible to my younger sisters but you would never know it to see them interact with her. That is for my dad, not her.

It's a matter of putting somebody else's feelings, the bio parent's, before yourself and your feelings. Some people just do not get that.

When I first re-married, my DDs were a bit stand-offish with my DH. I could see that if I didn't do/say something to reset their way of thinking, it was going to only get worse.

So I took them aside, and explained that while they may not LOVE or even like him, I will insist that they respect that he is an adult in the home, and that *I* love him, and he makes ME happy. I then explained that my happiness is important too - just as much as theirs is.

I never told my husband about it - and honestly - after a bit they have all been able to settle into a nice friendly relationship.

IF either of my daughters pulled the "he can't come to X", there would be some quick and SERIOUS conversation about rude and disrespectful. And if they didn't change their tune real fast, I'd be staying home as well.

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Side note - as a stepkid myself - there were MANY times I wanted to tell my Dad to leave his sour puss wife at home. But I NEVER did. She chose to not come to my big events on her own. Ah well.

I would not tolerate it, and I would let my DDs know in no uncertain terms that if they make me choose, I choose DH. But they would never behave like this. From the first meeting, they have treated DH with respect, and courtesy, and after they got to know him they are very fond of him, as he is of them. Because they are well brought up, polite, loveable people.

When I first remarried, my middle adult son was stand offish to my dh. When we were attending a baptism (not his child) he didn't even say hello to my dh. I was embarrassed and angry that he could be so disrespectful. My dh did not want me to say anything to him. I said no way. Called my son on the phone (we live in different states)and told him exactly how I felt. But, I think what got him was I told him if I treated your wife that way you would be all over me. Really made him stop and think. He apologized to me and said it would not happen again. And it hasn't.
My son and I always have had a good relationship.

I have a little problem right now with my biological son not wanting me to bring my stepdaughter to his house. He is my oldest, in his mid-20's, and has 2 little girls. Apparently my 11 year old stepdaughter makes difference in the little girls (she likes the baby but not the 4 year old) and causes problems between the girls. I haven't addressed it yet because it hasn't been an issue... but it's coming. I will first have to talk to my son and tell him that if there's any family function going on, I have to bring my stepdaughter. He will not like it but he'll do it for me because we have a really good relationship. Then I will have to talk to my stepdaughter about treating the girls equally. So much going on right now, though, this has taken a back burner.

My son would never exclude his SM or my DF from anything. If he tried, his dad and I would rip him a new one.

I also won't allow DF to exclude my son from things. If his kids are invited/welcomed, (vacations, day trips, parties)my son will be as well. I refuse to play happy family with him and his kids while excluding my son.

My girls have been told 20 times I won't get to pick their spouse, but I will have to accept and respect him. Same goes here. It isn't optional

I would never allow my DD8 to treat my DH in any type of ill way!! Period!! Early on, she also learned that she cannot play us against each other either. There was 1 time early on where she asked my DH if she could have a snack & he said no, that we were about to have dinner. She then came to me & asked me if she could have a snack. Me not thinking she may have asked him, said sure, but only a healthy snack, like an apple or grapes. Woopsy!!! I hadnt checked nor asked if she had asked him. I can honestly say that was the one & Only time that has ever happened!! DH came to me, upset, asking why I undermined him. My DD8 was told in no uncertain terms- that she was Never ever to do that again & truthfully she hasnt!

My DD & DH have an Amazing relationship & I love it!!!! She listens to him, never gives him lip & she respects him. He respects her as well. They do alot together. So, I cant imagine she would even try to exclude him. But if she ever tried it-- i point blank wouldnt allow it!! We are a package- him & I and if she even tried- she would learn real fast & neither of us would attend!! Period!!! But- like I said- Im raising her not to ever be like that!!