Well, I need a lot more time to process what just went down, I'm exhausted and I need to pack.So I can't give you the full story yet but since you lovely ladies have been SO kind to help me many times and were my full-on advisors and editors today, I thought you might want/deserve a little follow-up. Highlights as follows:
- FDH called on his way to pick up his kids.
- It went from pleasant to me screaming at him a few times due to his idiotic remarks that tell me he is just not getting it fully.
- I hung up on him twice (not mature, I know. But I lost it)
- He was calm the whole time
- He says he is trying hard to make sure I am recognized as the most important woman in his life and recognizes that he's failing.
- I told him that BM is not allowed in our home until he grows an 'effing spine and I see how this works when he has finally established boundaries.
- He thinks he needs to "point out to BM what she's doing wrong in our home because she probably doesn't realize her behavior is a problem".
- Um no. She's not coming over so that's that. YOU, FDH, need to realize what YOU are doing wrong.
- BM has been asking him for a month to "save his moving boxes" and he never told me this. He apparently just expected that I would hand them over because she needs them. He's struggling with not giving her something we have that she could use "for his kids"
- I told him that she was no where to be found when *I* was packing our house and the kids's rooms and never would even begin to do that "for the kids".
- I totally freaked out and said "WHY IS IT OK FOR HER TO BE HELPLESS, YET I CAN HANDLE THIS, EVEN AFTER SURGERY??? This woke him up a bit. He said "OMG. Good point."
- It turns out that she has also been hinting that she needs his help moving (taking apart beds etc). He said he told her to ask her boyfriend. She said her BF isn't handy and is "just like my dad". He says he told her to find another way because he's not it.
- I told him that I could give a crap how handy her boyfriend is and if I find out that he so much as lifts a pinky finger to help her move, he will also be moving to a different home and I absolutely will not tolerate it. He said he understands and that I am right.
- He found out today that BM is not moving in with her boyfriend now. She's moving to a low income apartment complex.(big topic here on many levels for further discussion when I have time.)
- "She's still moving, just not in with her BF", he says.
- I say, "Withouta single one of my moving boxes. I will BURN them in the effing yard in front of all our new neighbors before that lazy bitch gets one ounce of help from me. I can find boxes, so can she. She is not entitled to anything of mine, she treats me like crap and it's coming back her way."
- He says he will tell her that he doesn't have any to give her if she asks again.

I could go on. He soooo doesn't get this. And he really feels like he's trying hard. And he wants to keep trying. But fundamentally, he hasn't woken up adn just doesn't understand what boundaries are needed and why. But he DOES understand that I refuse to keep this shit up. I don't think it's ever been any louder or clearer than what was written and spoken today.

Sigh.

Thank you so very much for all the support. I needed you and you were there.

More to come.

Anne

PS. I almost called BM, "BM" on the phone with him. Had to catch the step-talk. LOL

PPS. I think I am going to let him come home to find me asleep with nothing new packed. I am helpless today. I am tired. He can rise to the occasion.