Lots of posts about money today....
Seriously, so many on here today are frustrated about money and husbands either spending too much or dictating how they spend on their bio's. My advice is separate your finances. It is the best thing you can do for yourself and your kids. DH and I never combined anything and we never argue over money. We may get frustrated when we don't have more, but no arguing over who spent what.
We use one joint CC for household purchases, dinner out and vacations. We split it at the end of the month. He keeps track of some bills and I do some, but he keeps a spreadsheet so we know that it is split in half. I write a check for him every month for my half of the bills. We both contribute the max to our retirement. Maybe down the road we combine when we are no longer working, but at least not until these kids are through college.
If I buy something for the house over $100, I tell him and we discuss it. Less than that, no conversation needed. If we go on a vacation we discuss it. Last Christmas, I wanted to do a big vacation, he wanted to do a small one. So I paid for it and he paid for all the excursions and onboard expenses. Came out that I spent about 3K more than him. My choice.
My son is about to go to college in the fall. I plan on paying what I can, I would not expect him to do anything at all. No more than he would expect me to pay for his son when the time comes.
If you combine funds when you have kids on both sides, it will always cause problems because you can never be equal on your spending. If you are thinking of getting married and moving in, please consider my advice and do not combine your funds. Your marriage will be on equal footing in a precarious situation that is earmarked for problems as it is when we try to blend families. Why add more problems with the finances...If you are separate that takes one more possible resentment off the table and you have a chance at making it work.
There are enough other problems in our marriages with ex-wives, skids not liking us and society telling us how to parent someone elses kid. Why add money to the mix?
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That is the best way if both
That is the best way if both are working.
DSO and I have seperate also. While I take on the majority of household/food bills, DSO pays his bills and then provides extra money when mine runs out. DSO also gets a large tax refund right now, so that is the money that pays larger bills or fun stuff for us to do throughout the year. Even if I borrow money from him for something like my nieces college graduation, I pay that back. He thinks that is crazy, but in my mind it works the best.
My DSO has no clue how to do any banking except deposit his paycheck, so this is something I do to make me feel that things are fair. I don't want to ask him if I want to loan my kids some money or pay for something for my grandkids. Same with him, with me paying the household bills, he has money for his kids clothes, school stuff or whatever. No accusations about who spent what on who and no fighting about who pays for what.
If one is a stay at home mom,
If one is a stay at home mom, this can only work if she is receiving CS for previous children or SS for a deceased spouse. But, I am old school and feel everyone should work in some capacity in order to have autonomy. I stayed home for one year and went insane...
I wouldn't stay home b/c
I wouldn't stay home b/c everyone I know would use me as free babysitting or running their errands.
I would like to know what it's like to get unemployment for a year tho, and just chill but I'd be bouncing after a few months of that.
I was unemployed last year
I was unemployed last year for 9 months, I enjoyed my down time for about a week and then I was in panic "gotta find a job" mode. 9 months later I got a job and realized that I missed an opportunity to relax a bit.
I do have friends that realized that I was home and asked for help with kids, no problem usually but once I felt like I was being used instead of them making plans I stopped helping. I'd rather work!!
I was a STHM for the first 2
I was a STHM for the first 2 1/2 years of our marriage. Until our 2nd daughter turned 1. Then I had to get the heck out of dodge. I was going stir crazy and a great job landed right in my lap. I don't have any kids from previous realtionships because DH is my first (and last) marriage. I also keep track of the spending because if I didn't, DH wouldn't either. He is a firm believer in "if the bank says it is there, then it is there" never mind if there are outstanding checks to be cashed. That is what scares me about splitting his business account from our personal account. What if he F's it all up and ends up paying overdraft fees, etc. That will hurt both of us.
That's a great system if both
That's a great system if both spouses are working .. and are both committed to the plan. The fights and conflict don't typically result when you have two people working toward a common goal.
DH and I never combined our finances either. Money is one thing we definitely don't fight about, but we don't share/split expenses like you do either.
I am just curious, if you
I am just curious, if you don't combine funds and you don't split expenses, doesn't one seem to pay more than the other? That would build resentment with us.