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BM wants to have a talk with DH AND I

overwhelmed_4's picture

Submitted by overwhelmed_4 on Sun, 07/21/2013 - 1:32pm

BM shocked us yesterday after she texted DH asking if she could come by tonight after the kids are in bed to discuss the whole ss playing football thing. A few things are going thru my mind here. 1) she's never been very accommodating. Is she trying to start co parenting better with DH? 2) Why am I included in this? Maybe she wants a moms perspective on football since BS played it last year? I told DH I wasn't very comfortable being involved in this convo especially since she threw out the lawyer threat the other day. He would like me to at least sit there with him tho and be "supportive ". This whole thing reeks of disaster to me tho just because DH and BM have never been able to reach agreements with the skids (hence the divorce and numerous custody changes thru court). It always ends with her being bossy and him calling her a dumb c**t. Is it bad if I record the convo?

Comments

ej'scrazy's picture

Submitted by ej'scrazy on Sun, 07/21/2013 - 1:44pm

Personally, I would record it, but I wouldn't let her know that it was being recorded. I'd check the laws in your state to see if you have to let her know you are recording it or not.

It makes me nervous for you.

overwhelmed_4's picture

Submitted by overwhelmed_4 on Sun, 07/21/2013 - 1:51pm

I am super nervous! I really don't understand why she is asking that I be there. I will check the laws because I don't want her knowing I'm recording either. She threatens a lot and says things about the kids not needing a Dad in their lives so I want to catch that. I should make sure it can be used if need be tho. On the other hand it makes me feel a little shady.

Starla's picture

Submitted by Starla on Sun, 07/21/2013 - 2:32pm

If you record it you can only use it in court if she knows about it. I would have DH get her permission on tape before you start talking. If your DH is not comfortable in doing so, go to bed when she arrives. Find a nice book and enjoy yourself some down time.

Starla's picture

Submitted by Starla on Sun, 07/21/2013 - 2:36pm

Federal Law states that any recording submitted had to be known about by all parties on the recording or it is not admissible. The best thing is for all parties to state they are aware they are being recorded. Federal Laws are Country wide, State Laws can be more restrictive then Federal Law.

overwhelmed_4's picture

Submitted by overwhelmed_4 on Sun, 07/21/2013 - 3:12pm

So basically since my state is a "one party consent" state and I am a part of the convo I can record?

Starla's picture

Submitted by Starla on Sun, 07/21/2013 - 3:13pm

DH of Starla here. I was given the advise of obtaining the consent of all parties in the conversation by my lawyer who is licensed to practice in both state and federal courts. He stated that if you are recording a conversation with the intent of using it in court proceedings in the future you should record the consent of all parties at the beginning of the conversation. This will ensure that the other party would not be able to challenge the admissibility of the recording in a court proceeding. This particular issue is still being debated in the halls of congress and the restrictions have been loosened since the Patriot Act that established the Homeland Security Agency.

I was not aware of this web sight and how some states have loosened their restrictions on wire tapping and surveillance. I am going to explore this web site further. Thank you it is very interesting.

fakemommy's picture

Submitted by fakemommy on Mon, 07/22/2013 - 8:35am

We used several recordings in court without obtaining consent of all parties (BM). It does depend on the state. My state is a one party consent state.

overwhelmed_4's picture

Submitted by overwhelmed_4 on Sun, 07/21/2013 - 4:52pm

Haha. I have decided to record no matter what. If I can't use it then fine, but it'll be a good record to have for the future I'm sure.

overwhelmed_4's picture

Submitted by overwhelmed_4 on Mon, 07/22/2013 - 8:25pm

I never thought of her being crazy enough to go bother the sleeping kids. Wow. BM did come over and talk. It wasn't what I expected at all! She started with "Exh and I have never gotten along and I can tell you of the bitterness between us if need be"....no thanks! She then said she couldn't talk over the phone because some things are better in person when you can look into the others eyes. She also said she wanted me there because she recognizes my role as a parental figure. Shocker! That's way different from stuff she said two months ago! It ended awkwardly, but better than normal between the two of them. I can't help but wonder if co-parenting counseling has worked it's magic, but am not dumb enough to let my guard down either.