Thank you all for your great support. My husband was getting VERY depressed at the thought that he would not be able to have his son at our house for the holidays. His other sons said that if one son can't come, then none of them are coming to visit. I was willing to have the one difficult son, stay with a friend across the street, but his brothers said they wouldn't like that. Now my husband wants to change the way he has been handling the kids and says that he will stand up for me in front of them and start correcting the son that is being difficult with me. That's good, but it's not enough I told him. I want him to confront his son and tell him that he is aware that he has been lying to me and him (his father), and doing things to disrupt our relationship, etc. I want his son to admit this first, before I let him in the house. He needs to at least admit this and say he will not do this again. THEN, if he does, his father will tell him to stop it, and fix what he has done wrong (to annoy me). My husband never use to admit that he son lies and that he was doing anything wrong. At least I made progress with this. I don't think this will be an easy task. But until it happens...I don't want him in our house. So my husband will have to go to where they are (in NJ-Dorming in a school), for the next holiday.

My husband had a long talk with his son about lying and doing things to annoy me. He, of course, denied this. But at least my husband is willing to discuss this openly with him. I just want the step son to know that his father is "on to his games." But my husband still wants the kids to come for the holidays (they don't live with me during the year-they dorm in religious schools out of town). I told him that the upcoming Jewish holiday next week will not work because I want his son to take me seriously and he knew that if he lied and caused his usual problems, I would not want him back - but he tested me - and he lost. But if I don't go through with this - at least 1 holiday - he will not take me seriously the next time. Since he doesn't even admit to doing anything intentionally or lying (which I have proof of), I told my husband that he needs to go to some therapy and deal with his issues about "mothers" in general. He doesn't even like he real mother. Then, I will probably let him come the future holiday in April next year. My husband plans to then set up boundaries, rules, chores and things for them to do outside the house when they visit so they are not watching movies all day in the house - and giving me as many problems. My husband never took it seriously before I said that one of his sons cannot come back. We will see how this new plan works. It gives me a little leverage over the situation, I hope. They do not see me as having any right to tell them ANYTHING - but I live here too. I will be getting rid of our tenant and putting them in that room, with a side entrance - so I will limit the contact too. It is so difficult to be a step mom!!