Reality check please!
So DH and I got married a few months ago. We made his kids bridesmaids and groomsmen. I recently found out that one of our guests was sending BM pics of the kids (and who knows what else?) from our wedding. All the kids have smartphones and could have easily sent their mom pics. I have no problem with this. But a guest we invited? It feels like a betrayal. Am I being nuts?
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Yes.
Yes.
I would be livid! Why is it
I would be livid! Why is it BM's business? If the kids wanted their mom to see them dressed up they could have sent her pics themselves. I would have words with this person.
I agree. I'm not really a
I agree. I'm not really a confrontational type so I doubt there will be words exchanged, but I also don't plan to continue to socialize with them, invite them to our new house, etc. They were old friends of DH (and obviously BM) but not super close. I don't need to socialize with anyone who reports back to BM though.
I think betrayal is a heavy
I think betrayal is a heavy word for it. Irritating, maybe.
Obviously this guest is a mutual friend. What harm does it do for BM to see pictures of her kids dressed nice for your wedding?
It doesn't really, which I
It doesn't really, which I why I suspect I am being crazy. On the other hand, we deal with her constant intrusion into our lives. It would be nice to keep our privacy for that one day. Again, I wouldn't have cared if the kids did it, but this guest taking it upon herself bugs me.
I understand it bugging you,
I understand it bugging you, but at the same time, you have to figure guests are going to take pictures & post them on whatever networking sites they're on & they're going to make their way around.
My guess is that you wouldn't care if this guest showed these pictures to a stranger...that it bothers you most because it was BM they shared with...?
One reason DH cut ties with anyone he & BM had in common. If the guest is friends with you & BM, I wouldn't expect them to consider your wishes to keep pictures of BM's kids from her anymore than I would expect them to consider BM's wishes to see pictures of her kids.
Irritating, but considering everything, it isn't worth wasting your thoughts on.
Thanks for your comments.
Thanks for your comments. Yeah irritating is a better word. I used the word "betrayal" because I felt there was an expectation of privacy which she betrayed, but I guess I was mistaken. I actually would share far more with a stranger than BM and did not mind people's Facebook posts. She's a friend of DHs and BMs from long ago. Not really my friend obviously. I encouraged DH to invite them even though they weren't close. Oh well.
I am also a BM. My DD16 was in her fathers wedding. I saw a framed photo afterwards and that was more than enough for me!
Depends on who the "guest"
Depends on who the "guest" was I guess. Was it BM's best friend? MIL, SIL someone like that who still has a "relationship" with BM? Was the person doing it to stir a turd or doing it because they were just trying to be nice and show BM pics of her kids at the wedding?
If it was YOUR best friend or YOUR mother or something, then I would say it was a betrayal, but if it was someone who has a "relationship" with BM, then it would just be more of the annoying shit that goes along with this whole Step life.
Was it your MIL? Did they
Was it your MIL?
Did they send other pictures too? I'd be pissed if someone was taking pictures of my home or of my event and sending them to BM. If they were just pictures of the kids w/o a lot of background stuff I'd be okay but surely they could have waited to begin a convo with BM until after the event.
Because you know there was some texting going on too. No one gets pictures of their kids and doesn't reply. Texting BM during my wedding would be just as offensive as if they picked up the phone and started talking to BM while they were visiting in my home.
I think I'd be pissed if any texting was going on during my wedding ceremony.
No it was a friend of DH's
No it was a friend of DH's back from when he was married to BM. No one especially close. I agree, I'm sure there was texting as well. I won't put myself in this situation again. They will not be invited to our housewarming, etc. Who knows what else they might think would interest BM (BM has never been invited in our house)?
Cut the guest out of your
Cut the guest out of your life. Complete betrayal....If the kids want to share that is fine.
Our photographer took plenty
Our photographer took plenty of pictures of them together. They could have shared those with their mom, I don't really care. What bugs me is a guest taking the iniative on BMs behalf. She should have respected our privacy.
Ewww...I would
Ewww...I would feel...creepy....knowing that BM was receiving, real time pictures, from my wedding.
Cut that friend out for sure.
I would like pictures of my
I would like pictures of my kids dressed to the 9s no matter the occasion. I know DH asked for a photo of SD when she was a flower girl in BM wedding and instead of giving the photo BM cut her out of the wedding completely.
I could care less who got pictures of what but I can understand not wanting BM to have ammunition. Sending pics of her ex getting married? That's tacky.
unfortunatley in this day and
unfortunatley in this day and age of smartphones and Facebook you can't expect total privacy. My WORK recently put a very unflattering pic of me online from an event we had- and there were plenty of good ones to choose from!This isn't a hill to die on, but if you think the guy acted in bad faith, don't hang with him anymore.
I don't understand why a
I don't understand why a friend of BM's was invited to your wedding.
Stop socializing with that person. Obviously, they're just running back to feed BM info.