I dont know what to do..NEED HELP!! or my marriage will fail i cant LOVE/LIKE my Stepson.. Need help with ideas
Okay I have been married for 3 yrs now and I have a SS that's going to be 9 yrs old and I don't have any feeling for him. I don't miss him when he is with his bio mom for the week. I would careless if he is with us or not. My husband notices these things and keeps bringing them up and telling me you don't know what it feels like to have a wife you love not love your own child. I don't know how to change this. I have had drama in the past with his bio mom and she has talked craped in front of him about me and etc.. So he knows their was tention in the past but we eventually got over evertything and now have a relationship with one another. But I don't know what to do with my ss or how to act with him
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I think its rather common to
I think its rather common to feel the way you do towards your Skid. What is it about your SS that you don't like him for? And how is your DH with his parenting?
^^^this i enjoy my skids a
^^^this
i enjoy my skids a lot on the whole. but i don't miss them or need them the way DH does. it's completely unrealistic to even think that i would. your dh needs to have a reality check.
maybe a counselor could help open his eyes.
Skid is not your child. I
Skid is not your child. I like/love my sd6 but I haven't seen her for 3 weeks & don't miss her at all.
So how does DH expect you to
So how does DH expect you to behave?
so you've been married for 3
so you've been married for 3 years, must have dated prior... is this "thing" with SS something new or has it always been like this?
We dated shortly because I
We dated shortly because I got pregnant within 5months into relationship and got married 4 months later so it was all of a sudden thing. I love my husband but don't love or like my SS . To me he knows what he can n can't get away with. he never askes me for anything always ask his father. My SS has made me put a wall up towards him because he goes and tells his mother everything that goes on in our house. Really I had back problems n he went to tell his mother I feel like I have no privacy when he is there. If he wasn't in the picture our marriage would be perfect. My husband also says that I need to put an effort and try to do things with him. I have no idea all he likes to do is play video games n I'm not a fan of that. I don't think I could ever love his kid. But I can't think of anything to do to help this situation or tell my husband
Your husband is, as most of
Your husband is, as most of them are, completely delusional. He loves his kid therefore you're supposed to. NO. You can CARE about his child, you can even be FOND of his child but you cannot LOVE his child the way you love your own. People are NOT GENETICALLY WIRED to give a rat's ass about another person's offspring!!! In the wild you'd have eaten his young that were birthed by another female when you came along. He should be happy you're humans and not lions!
you are NOT alone...i cannot
you are NOT alone...i cannot even stand to look at DHs' kid...but the kid made me feel this way though..there is no going back for me now..I LOVE MY kids but i could care less for DHs' spawn..not my kid, not my problem....
Expecting you to 'love' his
Expecting you to 'love' his child is unreasonable. Sometimes it's possible, other times it's just not. Having the child in your home 14dys a month would be easier if DH would settle for a friendly civil relationship between SS and you. You really don't necessarily even have to 'like' the kid for this. You didn't say you 'hate' the kid, so there's something.
I can understand disliking the fact SS runs home and tells BM everything...nothing like feeling you have a built in little spy in your home. But some of this are areas DH and you can work on. Discuss nothing personal/private in front of the child or in any way in earshot possibility of child. Save adult talk for when child is either not at your house or after hours when kid goes to sleep. It is DH who should be doing the bulk of the parenting for his son. SS should be respect towards you and there should be house rules and expectations. As far as playing with child or doing things just SS and you, a little bit can go a long ways. You're not SS's age and not SS's playmate. On the otherhand, if you all go on a family outing and try to enjoy each other's presence at such, that should count for something. Frosting cookies in the kitchen after baking them is like a 30 minutes task where there is a bit of one on one without taking overly long or overly detailed. I would hope that all your DH is looking for is that you don't hate the sight of the kid or run off and spend the whole week locked away in your bedroom. Is the child really unlikable? If it's a behavior/ discipline issue, DH should be addressing it. Perhaps all sitting and watching a family friendly movie will ease into being a bit more comfortable environment than say you alone taking SS and 'doing something'. No child needs entertained 24/7, but if the child can sense you dislike him and want to be nowhere near him, that is going to be a problem. The child is there 14dys. If he feels totally rejected and repulsive I can't see a happy ending for any of you. Husband needs to address what can be fixed and have reasonable thoughts on what is acceptable without unrealistic demands.
Thank you for helping me I
Thank you for helping me I felt I im a evil person and I should have feelings for him. Thank you I ordered the book so he can read it. What I hate most about my husband that he always thinks he is right in every aspect. When he isn't. That's why I tell him I don't like discussing things with him because he makes me look like the BAD person. I told him that he needed to go to counseling and talk his issues out. Maybe they will help him understand my point of view