If I were still a drinking woman, I'd have three glasses of wine under my belt right now, dammit

I am so irritated and frustrated with this stupid family, I could scream. We made plans to take the kids to my brother's house two hours away Sat to celebrate my nieces' birthdays. We are spending the night and they are rearranging their whole sleeping situation to accommodate the 4 of us. We planned this several days ago and made sure ahead of time that the girls had NO WEEKEND PLANS before we committed.

I just blew a gasket. Here are the emails that just went down between FDH and me.

FDH to Me: Subject- SD12 and SD12Friend

SD12 would like SD12Friend to come to our house this weekend. I told her that we were going to your brother’s. Do you think we could bring her with us?

Me to FDH:
Why is this coming up at almost 4PM on Friday???

I’ll go alone to my brothers.

FDH to me:
I asked them if they had any plans this weekend. They both said no. She called to ask if SDFriend could stay with her this weekend. Why the reaction?

Me to FDH:
My reaction is based on your first sentence. You asked, they said no, we made plans. Now you’re asking me to call my brother and ask him to prepare dinner for one more person and to have a kid there he doesn’t know, and ask SD15 to have to sleep on a damn floor or something, all because SD12 decided this is what she wants at 4PM on a Friday. Again, this is SD12 running the show and everyone else having to react to her.

I spend every other weekend and one night a week revolving MY life around YOUR family, especially the youngest member of your family. Very rarely do I ever see or spend any time with my family. Rarely do you ever have to interact with them. You barely even act like my son is alive. Fine. But ONE time I wanted us to go see my family, for MY nieces’ birthdays and suddenly it’s the SD12 Show again. I am sick of it.

Not to mention that SD12’s behavior has been abysmal and she is getting rewarded, yet again, for acting like a jerk.

So have fun entertaining SD12 and her desires this weekend. I’m out.

FDH to me:
Yes you are right. I need to pick up SD15 at high school after their football game around 9:30

Me to FDH:
Shaking my head... Why are we just now finding out about SD15's plans tonight? She also said she had no plans this weekend. I swear I am going to explode in a minute. Now both weekend nights are ruined at the last minute.

FDH to Me:
I will call you from the car later. I need to get some other things done right now.

They all can go eff themselves.

Anne Boleyn's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

I would NEVER ask his family

I would NEVER ask his family if I could bring extra people they don't know to their house. It's nuts that it even crossed his mind. It's like he loses all sense of reality and etiquette when it comes to SD. We all are supposed to suspend life for her desires.

I know, right? I was sitting

I know, right? I was sitting there working and HE is the one who broke into my day with the urgent announcement of SD's desires. Then he's too busy to finish the convo with me?

OMG they are so

OMG they are so inconsiderate! Seems like you can use this weekend as a break and he needs to learn how to tell her "NO" bc its not all about her. I think your doing an amazing job remaining sober and you will be grateful in given time that you have held off. It takes a lot of inner strength! Treat yourself to a nice relaxing visit with your family, you don't need any added drama.

Geez. I am so pissed off for

Geez. I am so pissed off for you right now! He acts like you are the one out of line! Where the hell does he get off not understanding that you guys committed to plans with your family already?!

I say ditch them and enjoy the time with you family. You're doing great.

I was going to ditch him but

I was going to ditch him but now he seems like he's still going with me. I sort of wish he wouldn't. And I bet SD12 is really a pain in the ass now that she won't get her wish granted to have her friend with her all weekend.

LOL. Yeah right. Disney Dad

LOL. Yeah right. Disney Dad seriously cannot say no to that little selfish shit.

IMHO, you shouldn't be

IMHO, you shouldn't be revolving your life around his family and expected to ignore yours. This will not get better (in my experience). If you're the bad guy now, what will it be like when you're married? I'm so sorry !

By revolving my life, I mean

By revolving my life, I mean his kids are here weekly and every other weekend. I hardly ever ask him to do stuff with my family and for the most part that's fine and isn't an issue. But the one time I do ask, he turns it back into his daughter's event.

He wrote me back and asked

He wrote me back and asked what time we are leaving for my brother's tomorrow (guess this means he's coming). I said "3, why?" He said he was thinking he'd suggest the kid come tonight and leave tomorrow. I said "Even though you didn't ask me if this plan was OK, I have to say it is more reasonable and should've been your first thought if you wanted her to come. BTW, keep in mind that SD12 can no longer stay home alone with me, therefore you will need to take her and her friend with you for the drive to pick up SD12 at 930 unless you're planning on just taking them all to dinner. Let me know if I need to make my own dinner plans"

For the record, I banned SD from being alone with me after she was hospitalized for a major issue with her diabetes and he followed that up by making his own plans for training with BM on the insulin pump which was the exact opposite of what he said he'd do (we were supposed to have the rep train us together at our house). After that I told him I want nothing to do with responsibility for her and her diabetes and she would have to be his sidekick any time he leaves the house when she's here b/c it's all on him now.

OMG. I just talked to him. I

OMG. I just talked to him. I am going to seriously lose it. I am LIVID!!

The convo started off fine. He was telling me about a talk he just had with BM. She basically gave him a load of crap and said that he shouldn't make plans for his weekends with the kids unless he clears the plans with SD12 first! Seriously, she thinks that he, as the father, should allow the effing 12 year old to dictate what we do. She said she doesn't take SD to visit her friends, etc.. on her weekends because "it's easier and I don't want to fight with her". He told BM that he thinks that's wrong and this is exactly what the therapist was talking about. She's the kid. She needs to do what the family plans. She said "She doesn't want to go to an 8 year old's party". He told her that we are going to visit my family that I hardly see and he can't control when their birthdays are nor does he plan to ask SD12 for her permission. He reiterated that earlier this week, he was nice enough to make sure the kids didn't have plans already.

I told him he needs to tell her that she doesn't get a say in what we do on our weekend as she is not a member of this family. This shouldn't even be a conversation between the him and effing Mother of the Year over there.

So that was going OK. I was pissed at BM and he was basically telling me how he told BM to take a hike with her stupid ideas.

THEN, he tells me, "When SD first called earlier to ask me if SkFriend could come for the weekend, I told her I'd ask you if we could bring Skfriend with us." My response?

"WTF???? You told her you had to ask ME? So now I am the bad guy? All of this just got blamed on ME!" He said "I shouldn't have said that, I know".

I hung up without another word.

He's blowing up my phone trying to call now. Seriously thinking of packing my bags and going to a friend's tonight. I haven't done that in ages but I am PISSED.

Yes and no. He sometimes gets

Yes and no. He sometimes gets stuff. I thought we covered the whole "don't make me the bad guy" thing months ago. He's been great then suddenly he has amnesia on this topic. Argh!

WTF is up with making US the

WTF is up with making US the bad guy?! Seriously, is there something mentally wrong in their head? Do they really think that we are going to continue to be a freaking punching bag because they don't want to think before they speak?! ARGH! Is it really that hard?

No, it's not hard at all!!

No, it's not hard at all!! But dammit, FDH is acting like I am asking him to solve world hunger or predict the stock market when all he needed to say to SD was "I'll get back to you". Once again, evil stepmother is to blame.

I just checked my messages

I just checked my messages and he left me a VM on his 4th call saying "You're a pain in my ass. Call me". I called him back and said "You have some nerve calling ME a pain in the ass. I was sitting here working, looking forward to the weekend, having a nice Friday and YOU blew up my day with this bullshit". He apologized. Then he started back-peddling and acting like he didn't tell SD that he needed to ask me if we could bring her friend.

Lots of arguing and lots of him being ridiculous, saying stuff like "I'm stupid. I don't know what to say in these things. Tell me how I should respond in the future". I told him we've been through this a million times and he should have it figured out by now and if he can't, he can live alone with his kids because I am not doing it this way.

Long story short, I ended up telling him I was so pissed that his FIRST thought was to mess up plans with me to accommodate the last-minute desires of his kid and that he should've thought of an alternative solution before contacting me. And it was totally unacceptable to make me the bad guy.

I ended up hanging up again, furious, with my last words "You and SD can go fuck yourselves".

Obviously, he hasn't called back. Good.

I just sent a message to a

I just sent a message to a friend to see if he's around. If so, I am going to ask if I can stay with him and his husband tonight. If so, I am leaving without a word. He can find out I am gone when I am gone. I will leave him a note and tell him he can do whatever he feels this weekend with SD as they will not be attending the party tomorrow. When I get back tomorrow, I will pack up and leave for the weekend. Then Sunday, I will go to a very calm healing place for the day. And he can work on extracting his head from his ass.

^^^^^^^^AMEN!

And here I thought I was the

And here I thought I was the only one blessed with bullshit dust.

And here I was thinking that

And here I was thinking that I was starting to see the light at the end of the Disney Dad Bullshit Tunnel. WRONG.

I'm not sure there is a light

I'm not sure there is a light at the end of that tunnel. My dh's youngest is 28 & it keeps getting worse. Good luck to you Anne.

To be fair, normally they

To be fair, normally they have no friends or plans. So it's not an issue. But you're right. I have a kid too (22) and know so many things come up as great ideas last minute. But I wasn't afraid of my child so sometimes he heard the words "No, we already have plans. Maybe next time".

He texted me and said "It

He texted me and said "It doesn't make sense for me to drive all they way back home" since he's driving all over the planet for SD tonight. Meaning "Now, you're on your own for dinner".

I responded with "I think it's best if you guys stay home this weekend. SD12 is going to be a total bear tomorrow over this and I do not want her ruining my time with my family. I will see you Sunday sometime.".

I am packing up to go to my friends' now. I do need to come home and check on my dog, give her meds, and a couple other things tomorrow. But it will be a quick trip. I already told my brother what's happening and he was sympathetic and understood I will be coming alone.

FDH will find out I left for the night when he comes home with SDs and SDFriend at 10PM.

Evil me wants to change the

Evil me wants to change the WiFi and Netflix passwords on the way out the door.

Go for it girl!!!!!!!

BTW- he hasn't gotten laid

BTW- he hasn't gotten laid all week so I know he was looking forward to this weekend. Oh well, buddy.

Mature me won.

I am currently sitting in a

I am currently sitting in a hotel 3hours from home, by the beach, alone.

My OH and I get one weekend every three months when we have no kids, mine are interstate with their father and it's Bm weekend.

Last week when we had the skids ss10 received an invitation to a birthday sleepover from a kid from his old school - it came to us as we have had the boy over and still have contact with them, they live 45 mins from us and BM lives 30 mins the other way, I read the invite and commented that in was this w/end so it didn't affect us and was up to BM.

OH told me that he would probably have to take him as apparently bm was having some sort of op on her shoulder and wouldn't be able to drive. I reminded him that this was OUR special weekend. Huge fight, the kids come first yada yada yada.

I over and over explained that sometimes kids miss out as it doesn't fit in with other plans and that this weekend was really important to me. He doesn't want to ever have to say no to the skids, they come above everyone. He also said that it was up to bm really she may not want him to go etc, so lets just wait and see. We also fought over other plans and promises which he is now breaking as the kids and him matter more than anything. So it has been a pretty horrible week.

By Friday I had heard nothing more about the party and asked about our plans. He told me that bm practically begged him to take them - ss to his party and sd to a sleepover. I can't go with because bm hates me and would cause a scene. So that is pretty much 2.5 hours in the middle of each day. But the rest of the time would be devoted to me. Great, so basically i get the nights so he can get laid, as bloody usual. The days are useless.
He wouldn't budge, and again bm and the skids trump me.

So, I have come away by myself. I am blooddy miserable but fuck him I will not sit around anymore. We may well be done.

I'm sorry, Luchay! Look at it

I'm sorry, Luchay! Look at it this way, you are getting some 'me' time at the beach. Maybe this would be a good time to think through things, if needed. I would be furious if I were in your shoes, too. Go enjoy your quiet weekend at the beach (I would probably turn the phone off, too). I hope everything works out for you!

Wow. These guys really like

Wow. These guys really like to show us our place on the totem pole, huh?

I'm glad you left too but my heart goes out to you. I know that lonely feeling. My friends were great last night but that sinking feeling was there all evening. It really sucks to feel like the last priority.

Hugs from my marooned spot to yours.

Hugs to you too, your story

Hugs to you too, your story resonated with me this morning - go figure!!

I had breakfast out, bought lots of treats and naughty food, had a lovely long walk on the beach, spent some pampering bathroom time, read my book, did some puzzles.

And felt sad and lonely.

I have also spent a bit of time evaluating our rs. I have made up a schedule with alone time for each skid, time for the three of them, family time and ME time. Listing which bits are non negotiable, and how many visitation free passes he gets per month ( in perspective there have been 6 changes in the last two weeks and i was consulted about none of them)

I have listed the pros and cons of our rs; my needs and wants and have actually come back here as earlier i read someones list of rights and i want that too!!!!

All of this will be presented to him tomorrow with the understanding that he reads it all, adds comments, makes his own rs evaluation and we compare and compromise.

If that fails i am kicking his butt out.

Wishing you both the best.