Just give *crickets*????

Think I've mentioned before now that DH has decided that unless it's absolutely necessary he will ignore BM. The only communication open is email. However BM is still continuing to send letters with SS. DH sent an email regarding Christmas. He has asked for extra days during the holidays to spend with SS. Now in the co it states that extra time should be granted when DH is available but is not specific as to what dates (DH work schedule is crazy). So this weekend was skid weekend and BM sent a letter with SS basically saying no to the extra days as she has plans that have been planned for months. Personally I think this is crap and she's just trying to make DH fight with her or just get any kind of reaction. It's funny because not that long ago she promised to be more reasonable for SS sake obviously hasn't lasted that long. She pulled another couple of things this weekend to get a reaction (not being there at pick ups and drop offs even though she's court ordered to be, saying inappropriate things to SS over the phone AGAIN!!). Just wondering what's the best thing to do? We can't afford court at the moment (just got a mortgage on our new house) so that's out of the question. Does DH fight her over the days or just let it go?

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I suspect that the reason BM

I suspect that the reason BM has refused the extra time at Xmas is as you say - she wants to get your DH to engage in a power struggle with her - and she has possession of the trump card in the shape of SS. We used to get this all the time with NPD BM, she loved to start fights that she was confident of winning, just to flex her muscles.

The advice I give is that your DH just says, "OK, fine, never mind". You can only continue fighting with someone as long as they are willing to - so if he refuses to fight - it takes all her momentum away.

Thanks kes. How do I not let

Thanks kes. How do I not let it get to me? It makes me so mad that she would use SS to hurt my DH. How do you get the attitude of 'ok never mind'? Will showing her it's not bothering us make it any better?

Tog replied for me, but I

Tog replied for me, but I agree with all the above! At least you will have some peace from the drama, it will not stop bothering you inside, but if you put on a show TO HER that it is not bothering you - she will lose interest in trying to goad your DH, as she gets no reaction.

Unfortunately we can't go to

Unfortunately we can't go to court for free, anything we try and do will cost us money that we just don't have. BM loves to play these games with SS but what she doesn't realise is she's hurting him by putting him in the middle all the time or she does realise and just doesn't care. What makes me hopping mad is she will make my DH out to be the bad guy while she is MOTY and to quote BM "I only do what's best for him and everyone that matters knows that".

Our NPD BM does exactly as

Our NPD BM does exactly as tog says in her last para. I have never known her to admit she's wrong over anything. DH and she were married 10 years and she never did in all that time, either.
If she says "I only do what's best for him and everyone that matters knows that" - I think you can take it with a pinch of salt. NPD BM's have little idea of how they come across to other people. If they did they might amend their behaviour.