I would absolutely send this exactly as-is. Sure, you can take the angry edge out of, but I think you would lose a lot of the sense of importance as well. Sometimes, men have to know you're mad to know you mean business.

Doppleganger- I would be pissed too if that was my sex life!! I think that these things need to be addressed for sure, but just knowing how men are, I am not sure this would be taken well.

My DH is a contractor- he gets stinky. He also will sometimes go 2-3 day between showers. If he smells, I have no problem telling him right there go shower, it ain't happening until you do.

As for the oral department- DH is on a non-giving streak. I have stopped giving as well, when he asks I smile and say- you first.

What I am getting at, is maybe instead of a letter you can break it down as they are happening instead of a dump of everything at once, though I have to say, he REALLY needs to hear everything you are saying.

My ex tried the anal thing and OMG it hurts. Its not safe either. My ex pushed me to do it and hated every second of it. Have you thought about sex therapy or something along those lines?

I don't know if he's going to read all that, sorry hon. I think it would be better if you just talked to him about these things.

Or better yet, when he tries these things, why don't you tell him to stop? Like when he goes from the back door and tries to go back into the front door, why don't you stop him and say - Hey, stop that! You can't do that!

When he shoves your head down there, why don't you say, "Babe, I'd love to suck the sh$t out of you, but can you take a shower first, please?"

When he's eating you out, how about you say, "Honey, it feels so good when you touch me right there," and put his fingers exactly where you want them, - or say "That was great, and it would feel even better if you moved up just a touch, or pushed a little harder, softer," etc.

Sorry you're going through this, hopefully the two of you can work through these things.

Let me preface this by saying that I have zero problems with your letter as is. I understand you feel it's too angry but I definitely get the sense of hurt and frustration underlying your words.

I'm going to ask some questions that may be a little harsh or rude - please know these are just meant to get you to think, to analyze and see if any apply, heck, maybe none of them do. I'm one of those annoyingly analytical people that view every angle no matter how far fetched when I am trying to solve a problem.

1. In addition to the ED, has DH's testosterone been affected?
2. Have either of you undergone extreme physical changes like weight gain, loss, illness, surgery, etc.?
3. Is there another woman? Not even necessarily an actual affair but possibly an affair of the heart that is causing his attention to wander elsewhere?
4. Has there been a job change, job loss, financial stress?
5. Are you different as a result of any of the above questions perhaps?
6. Have either of you been lax in other forms of intimacy not just sex like general affection, terms of endearment, teasing, etc?

Again, I am just thinking out loud and obviously, you want to remain as vague as possible in this post as to what's going on in your life outside of this subject. Please dont take anything I am saying or asking as a slam against either of you.

I agree with the others who say you need to sit him down and talk this out. It's an uncomfortable subject for some people but you sound very intelligent, articulate, and sensitive so I think it would be a good conversation to have.

Good luck!

I'd give him the letter as is. I find that if I skip the writing and try to talk about things, I forget to bring up half of what I wanted to.

I feel you when it comes to oral sex. DH LOVES LOVES LOVES blowjobs, but rarely ever goes down on me anymore. We are both big on cleanliness when it comes to sex, so that is not an issue. On the rare occasions he does go down on me, claims that he loves it so much that he would do it more frequently if he wasn't so tired. HELLO?? I get attitude from him if I don't give him a blow job every couple of days, even though I take care of our two toddlers by myself, but I'm not allowed to be too tired? He only reciprocates MAYBE once every SIX WEEKS!

I would bust out a vibrator and use it in front of him if you don't finish and he does.

My FDH and I had such a bad Christmas with his kids he agreed to keep the kids away from me for January. Since then we've been like teenagers 2-3 times a night.

Get rid of the skids! They're passion killers....

Seriously, stress kills your sex drive. But sounds like you also need to be open and honest and not allow him to short change you. This might be too much information but it's perfectly possible for a woman to come from anal sex. But anal sex must only ever be with a gentle and sensitive partner, the wild stuff comes once you are used to it. I always say it's a two way street, if your partner is going to be careless about anal and not appreciate your efforts. You can always tie him up and do the same to his arse so he can understand exactly how it feels.

I also agree with one of the other ladies comments, if he's not giving you an orgasm get a good vibrator and have fun with that. He'll soon feel left out and agree to play by your rules.

YES YES YES to number 5 and 6!!!!!! "Foreplay" as defined by "bend over and brace yourself"

I wouldn't send/give the message to him but its healthy that you are getting your feelings out and I would discuss it in person when the time comes. Maybe you guys can go for a scenic or a walk and talk about it away from home, a spot you both enjoy so there is less tension.

I try to pay attention to what type of porn is being watched and is he hiding it? In my opinion, if a guy watches a lot of the same thing, it might not stimulate him as much as it once did. My DH avoids porn bc he knows he pulls back from me, he becomes more aggressive, I start pulling back from him, and it is a problem for some guys in different ways. So for you, I would find out if porn has a positive or a negative effect in your marriage and sex life. I say marriage bc of the web cam models, perhaps an emotional affair lies there if he hears what he wants from a cam girl.

Skids get in the way of a sex life for a lot of people, do they live with you or you guys get them a lot? I haven't found a way to work around that one yet, ours luckily lives with their BM. Counseling for that could be of great help especially if your DH is willing to.

You can make a game to spice things up. Something as simple as making 2 posters. In big fancy writing, write "what I need", one would be for you in the color you like and one for your DH of a color he likes. You can glue some sexy pictures to them, draw a cool design with hearts or anything, and make tabs at the bottom of the posters that you can tear off. I'd start off with 10 tabs and on each tab, you write down one thing you want from him. It might be a 10 back rub, being tied up and he goes down on you for 5 minutes, or anything at all. Keep the requested times short so the excuse "I'm too tired" won't work. You can make up his poster as a surprise and have him write down what he wants from you. If he agrees to the game, take turns with the tabs but do the request when its presented. I don't know if this game/idea is of interest to you but it can spark things up quickly if you be creative. It might take a few weeks to finish the game..

Its okay if you like to give head but he needs to be clean and give you pleasure as well. Before, after, or some time in-between. As for having orgasms, maybe try having a few yourself before and or during intercourse. Toys can help with that!

OMG ya'll are hilarious!!!!!!!

well now. OP, hope all this has helped!!!!!! see? it's normal, and frustrating, and ok to pipe up about. good luck!

So a person comes onto this particular blog...with the graphic warning clearly noted in the title before you even have to open the blog, you see the title.

This particular person is offended by HOW graphic the graphic content is. And instead of closing the blog out because of their offense, they instead:

1. Attack the OP about the post.
2. Attack others when they call the poster out and also point out the warning in the title.
3. Continue to return to the horribly offensive (for them) post to continue to read and respond to others.

Now that we have all that straight, the only question I would have would be: "Why?"