About 6 months after we moved in.

Dh talked a good game, always going on and on about how good my bios were and how he wished his bios were behaved like mine and listened. How their problems all fell on his busted marriage and BM being a shitty mother who wouldn't let him discipline the kids without a fight.

SS was 3, SD was 9. BD was 4, BD was 9. So the kids were the same age.

He couldn't wait until we moved in and straightened the kids out together.....

.... and then it hit... guilty Dad, evil SM targeting his kids, zero enforcement of agreed upon rules, anything I said or did was 'unfair' or 'too strict' or 'an over reaction'. If they were to have consequences for wrong doing it wasn't allowed because BM might not let them come back (um it was 65-35 for DH at that time)...

... and then I just disengaged. It was a bust. Skids had learned within 6 months that nothing I said or did mattered or applied to them - they could just ignore me or just ask their dad and get the answer they wanted. So I stopped, I stopped everything for the most part. However, that also included favors to DH involving skids like pickups, dropoffs, free childcare etc.

That was 5 years back now. DH is in charge of his own kids, I worry about mine.

Meals and laundry are done jointly for the most part - my kids are here 80% of the time so I have to do those things anyway - so I let those things go. I don't cook on the skid only day EOW when my kiddos are at their fathers. Its now 50-50 time with skids, pretty much every other day they are here and with BM on the other.

So I gave up at about 6 months with engagement\disengagement for about another 6 months where I would try again off and on and now I don't re-engage at all.

Great question. It wasn't really an action done by SS. It was an action done by DH very early in our marriage. I made a remark to DH that he shouldn't be so snippy when he's talking to his son. He felt I was undermining his authority in front of his child, and let me know my opinion wasn't welcome. I made up my mind in that moment to take several steps back. Permanently. I knew also in that moment that I was never going to see this kid as my own, because I would never throw my hands up and stop caring about the way DH was talking to my own child. I wasn't this child's mother, and I wasn't going to fight with DH over HIS attitude towards HIS son. That's just not natural.

For me it was 3 months after DH moved in (4yrs ago). It really wasn't SD9 (at the time) fault. DH and BM don't have type of CO visitation. DH had been a bachelor and BM was just used to whatever schedule she wanted. Whether DH had to work (SD just came to work with him) or not he never said a word to BM. She was in totally control. We couldn't plan anything whether it was with or without SD because we didn't know until an hour before pick up whether or not she was coming for her visit. And to top it off BM lived an hour away. Well he was having a bitch fit one afternoon about this very thing. I looked at DH and said you know you and BM really need CO visitation. We are giving this woman total control over our lives. She is totally getting off on running you around like a mad man. (DH was also and still is doing all of the driving for pickup/drop offs). The love of my life turned around and looked at me and stated "you wouldn't understand anything about visitation you've never had to do it. SD is mine and BM's daughter and we'll figure this out".

This cut deep . . .my ex abandoned my son from birth. It was just BS and I until DH came along. I am also a COD so I think I know a little something about it. From that day forward I backed off. I was done accomodating BM's schedule trying to create a life with he and SD. He was right SD is his and BM's responsibility. I quickly realized blended life was nothing like those Lifetime movies.

Things started out good initially. I would sometimes think WTF when the skids did something but at the time our lives werent really combined so I didnt really dwell on it.

Probably about 10 months into our relationship I started to bring up issues with the skids, which went ignored. Then we got engaged and bought a house and it made things 100% worse. (things are A LOT better now, but at times I have thought, had we not bought the house, we never would have stayed together).

I think us getting engaged and buying a house changed everyone's thinking and really created a lot more drama from all of us- DH, me, skids and BM.

I started to see the skids for who they really are. I started to then reflect back on those WTF moments I had months before and just ignored.

I think the skids and I would have been just fine if I didnt mess up what they had going on their dad's house. But since I enforced new rules and regulations when we moved in together and bought a home, that brought out the true colors of the skids.

Also showed me a lot about DH which thankfully we were able to work through and grow from.

With my first set of skids, I didn't find out how horrible they were until THE DAY their dad died. I actually got along with them while he was alive but boy!! Within hours of my husbands death, they really let their true colors come out!

With my current husband, I could tell from the beginning. I was treated as an intruder and now that my husband has "taken my side", he too in an outsider.

My ss was only 1 when I met dh. He was cute. He couldn't speak. So all was good. First signs of trouble where around 4-5 when he started stealing my panties and pointed a large butcher knife at my daughter's neck. But I am a stubborn thing and hung in there until he was probably 11 or so-when I knew there was just no hope of us ever having any genuine positive relationship. By this time, too many things like those things mentioned above had happened. And I had gotten to know him sooo well that I knew he really had zero genuine positive relationships. For whatever reason, the kid just doesn't do "genuine" or "positive". He is 15 now and I have not had any contact with him at all for 18 months. I plan to have no contact with him ever again.

DH and I met through mutual friends while we were both in the middle of our divorces. (I know, I know)

We went on a few dates and felt an immediate connection. Things got serious within a couple of months. He was honest with me about his crazy bitch ex from the beginning but I never could have dreamed how crazy crazy can actually get. You know, everyone says their ex is crazy while they are breaking up so I sympathized with him but never really understood what I'd be getting into until it was too late.

I met his kids 6 months into it. We went to a few group events so the kids didn't know they were meeting dad's girlfriend. Everything was fine. They were nice kids. I thought I could handle the relationship.

After 8 months he moved in with me and that's when everything went to hell. His beast of an ex said the kids would never stay with him again and that she would take him back to court to make sure he lost custody of his kids because we weren't married. There is an archaic law in our state that allows this nonsense. A couple of weeks later she called him on a Wednesday and asked if we could have a room ready for skid by the weekend. I'm sure she consulted a lawyer and was told that depending on the judge, she might not have a leg to stand on if she tried to enforce something so fucking crazy. She might have had a case if they had included that clause in their decree but they didn't.

The preteen boy was nice from the start, the preteen girl refused visitations with her dad for a couple of months. That's when I knew she was a lost cause. I already had reason to not like her because I had heard her tantrums over the phone when BM called DH because she couldn't handle the girl.

Eventually, BM put her foot down and made the little snot spend time with her dad. She spent a lot of time in her room crying and moping and being an ass to everyone else in the house. Then one day, she decided to be nice. It was almost overnight. Unfortunately, that's about the time her brother started his brooding moodiness.

It must be an age thing with pre-teens. I understand it but don't really want to be around it. I spend a lot of time avoiding them when they are over. Fortunately, DH now has EOWE instead of 50/50 and I LOVE it. If they never came over to my house again, I wouldn't spill any tears over it.

When DH and I first started dating I would frequently hang out with him, my BS10 and his S12 but as time went on I started to see first hand what a little brat he was and after he gave me attitude ONCE I was DONE with that kid! DONE!

After that everytime DH had skid I was GONE! I did my own thing by myself or with my BS10. When I knew skid was leaving I would be waiting in the parking lot for him to leave then me or me/bs10 would get out of my car and head into DH's place.

I know something was terrible wrong within the first few times of meeting SS. He was on my DS baseball team. He was mean to the other kids, he lied, he was rude his mom and dad. He was manipulative. Just weird.

For me, things didn't start out too great with SDs. They acted out, they were filthy, and they smelled. And dh didn't handle it correctly. They destroyed my stuff and vilified me to bm and anyone who'd listen.

About a year or so later, we noticed big changes in them. They weren't just being rude, but acting out sexually. Most kids at their ages wouldn't have known the behaviors they exhibited at that time. Dh sat each girl down, gently talked with them, and found out they were being sexually abused by their mother's boyfriends. She had several guys living with them.

So after a CPS investigation, molestation convictions for the perps, a judge giving dh custody and lots of counseling for all, things are finally improving for everyone. Things will never be "normal" for the SDs but they are doing better knowing the perps are behind bars and out of BMs home.

Within 6 months of SS7 staying with us EOWE I knew that he was weird. He, even at the young age of 4, did not respect women (because EVERY female figure in his life so far had catered to him and gave him anything he wanted) and DH was a Disney dad. Well, SS7 learned real quick that Harleygurl doesn't plan games. My house, my rules. There were constant temper tantrums and time outs. Interestingly enough now out of his biological and step parents I'm the only one that he will completely listen to and obey. I asked him why one time. He said "Cause you are strict." LOL No shit. I am disengaged as much as possible but I do help when things escalate out of control with DH. For example, DH was trying to teach SS7 how to ride a bike. It was a disaster with yelling from DH and crying from SS7. In the end I taught SS7 how to ride the bike. This kid is doomed for life! His biological parents are so out in left field regarding parenting. But not my problem!