DH apologized, short lived truce I'm sure
After DH took a couple hours to cool off last night, and DD11went to bed, DH actually apologized. Said he doesn't know why he gets so defensive about SS20, but he always has. Knows he shouldn't take his frustration out on me, and knew he was wrong after he did it, but couldn't stop himself. He even apologized to DD after school too.
I told him he needs to find help, counseling, NA Family meetings, anger management classes...something...anything. He needs to figure out a better way of reacting to things I say, instead of blowing up every time. Told him from now on, I am disengaging from all the talk about SS. He can do whatever he feels he needs to do except move him in here or give him money, pay for anything for him. I will no longer make comments or suggestions to him. He SWEARS that SS coming here is not even an option, even as a last resort. DH did find that SS has $483 to his name (his last paycheck), guess he better make that last as long as he can.
I also told told him that I want all the locks re-keyed since he won't ask SS for his house key back. And honestly we don't know how many copies he could have.
Told him that he was lucky that DD had school today-Friday, or we would have left last night and not come back til after the weekend. My last comment to him was that if he ever yelled at me like he did last night, we are done. I will not be treated like that, and I won't have DD in a house where we constantly fear being yelled at. He acted shocked that I would even contemplate divorce, but I am done being his verbal punching bag.
I woke up this morning feeling resentful and with a heart of ice. Just...done! I don't know how to get over this feeling, how to get back to feeling "happily married".
Talked to my FIL today, he was totally compassionate toward me and dealing with DH. Says he hopes his son can pull his head out of his ass, because he (FIL) would hate to see us get divorced. Reminded me that he and MIL love me and to let them know if they can do anything to help. That makes me angrier at DH, knowing that I have to give up 2 wonderful people in my life if we can't work things out in the long run. More than just them though, I get along with his whole family better than I do with most of my family. Don't know how DH turned out to be such an impatient, angry, fly off the handle type of person.
Him apologizing does not make things much better though. He does this every time, yells and then says he's sorry. It got old a long time ago.
- amackeral's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
No DD10 is my daughter from a
No DD10 is my daughter from a previous relationship. And yes, I've thought about counseling as well...to get over these feelings of resentment and bitterness.
Why are you talking to your
Why are you talking to your FIL about your marriage problems? That is seriously not a good idea and a huge crossing of boundaries. If my husband ever talked to my Mom or Dad about our marital issues I would can his ass!!!
On everything else, kudos to you, and don't expect that icy feeling to go away real quick. That's OK though, he needs to earn your warmth back.
I am very close to my FIL and
I am very close to my FIL and MIL, and talk to them about everything. I once read someone that In-laws were the better person to talk to about marital stuff than your own family. Your own family will want what is best for you, and that is for you not to be hurt, and will be more likely to talk you in to divorce. Your spouse's family know them best, and will want what is best for the marriage and you/your spouse to be happy together. DH knows I talk to his parents about us. He knows he is stubborn just like his dad and his mom is a great mentor for me, on dealing with DH as she has had years of dealing with FIL and DH.
FIL and MIL are truly second parents to me, and both have told DH if he loses me, they will disown him and adopt me
My husband used to be a
My husband used to be a yeller too, what worked for me is to remove myself from the situation. Get in my car and leave. But of course, it's hard to do that when you have a DD10, that's why it took me so long to address it I had little ones too. :O I feel for yourDHthough he's in a tough spot. A lot of people react the way he does w/ an addict, trying to treat it like it's a run of the mill hurdle or problem. It's not. Please get those locks changed ASAP, it'll be cheaper that SS sneaking in and stealing all you electronics. So sorry you're going through this.
I think besides getting help
I think besides getting help for himself, he needs to go to a support group for family members of addicts. Then maybe he can hear from other people that it's best to make the addict stand on their own.
The best thing he can do for his son is help him to help himself. Provide him with info and resources and let him do the work.
I tell the same thing to my husband about my SD. She will never do anything for herself if everyone continues to do it for her. She is not an addict but very immature, has 2 kids, no job, no HS diploma or GED, and lives with BM.
Some people have to be backed into a corner and have their ass lit on fire before they will do anything for themselves.