See my last blog for backstory...

So, Monday was nice, peaceful, DD's and I pottered around the house, went to the movies in the afternoon.

Oh - a friend of my dd's came over in the am to change the front door lock

I also contacted the lady we get our foxtel from - she is a friend of BM's and OH's - so I FB messaged her and said OH and I had broken up, didn't go into why etc, but that I would like to continue the foxtel as we need it to get any TV reception. She was concerned, asked how I was etc and said Of course re the foxtel.

Texted OH and told him the foxtel was sorted

As we were driving home from the movies - just around the corner I was stopped at lights and OH was stopped on the other side of the road. Checked my phone (was on silent) and he had texted re the locks.... I texted back that he had scared me the night before and I needed to feel safe, and to text me when he was calm and ready to talk about what needed doing etc.

He said he would come right back. I made him promise no scenes.

When he got back he was very hangdog and upset. I think the thought that he had scared me to that degree really shook him. He agreed that we needed to end things, we discussed the options of him borrowing enough to buy me out, or us fixing this place up enough to sell. He asked if he could stay here (sleep in ss's room) while we sorted things. I said no. I said that doesn't work for me, it's too hard. I did tell him that if he hadn't been so angry when he finally returned the night before I would have let him stay - but not in the state he was in. He understood. He asked again and I said I needed at least a few days. He said just that night? We actually talked a bit in general, it was very sad and calm.

He told me that he had been over to the foxtel peoples (G&L) place - and they had had a good chat with him. They are blended too - I didn't realise. They told him about how hard it had been and how they had fought and how they almost ended it a number of times etc. They told him about the stuff BM has been saying to the skids, they strongly disagree with what she is doing etc... I think the penny has dropped that it's NOT me! He has had to admit that she is fucking with them in order to punish him (and me) and that they are of course buying in to her games - break daddy and Luchay up and we get daddy home! He apologized for it all.

I agreed to let him stay that one night. We went out to the lounge and watched TV. It was awkward and sad. The kids went to bed. It was very hot and uncomfortable, and normnally I would at some point just rip off the bra... but I felt awkward, so I sort of chuckled at the thoughts, I told him what I was laughing at and he laughed too, and said he had wanted to take off his t-shirt but had felt odd too. We just sat there laughing about how silly it all was. Then he took off his T. I went into the bedroom and removed my bra. We sat again, both very sad. I think we both cried to ourselves at times. After a while he turned and just looked at me. He asked if there was ANYTHING else we could do. I just cried and shook my head, and asked "what? I have done everything I can think of and nothing works. I want to, I still love you and I know you love me, but it's just not enough I am out of ideas"

He said there has to be something, he doesn't want to lose us. He said that with G&L they had asked him how he felt about me, he said still madly in love with me, they asked how we got along - he said when his kids and BM weren't causing problems then we are amazing. We are so happy and everything is wonderful 90% of the time... they asked if his feelings had eroded over time etc and he said no. He loved me as much as when we got together. He couldn't imagine life without me, he was lost and missed me terribly.

He said all this to me. He said he will change. He will fix things, he can SEE things more clearly now. (at this point I am still reluctant) He said for starters he will not bring the skids here at all for a few months, he will see them elsewhere. He said he will do whatever it takes.

I told him I still loved him, that I didn't want to lose him either. But that I needed some time to think.

I spoke to him again the next night.I told him I needed the space he had offered away from the skids. that I needed him to deal with what BM is doing - not only for his and my sakes but for his kids as well. As much as I dislike them (didn't SAY that to him) they don't deserve to be fucked up with her bs. I said I needed him to talk to SS's councellor and actually BE HONEST. Tell her what was going on. Ask her HOW do we deal with this? He said he had already planned to call the counsellor the next day (BM was taking SS weds pm) as he wanted the counsellor to know the TRUTH about what happened on the weekend not just BM and SS version of events which would be something like "luchay told me she would fucking hit me and dad told me I wasn;t allowed to tell mum!" With nothing about the attempt to punch my dd in the face and the intimidation and threats of violence! I told him I would undertake anger management classes. but that ALL of us as a family needed to see a therapist together to discuss things, work out our roles in the family etc. He agreed to all this, and that he would step up parenting the kids - we discussed how lazy and entitled ss is becoming, how he doesn't even know how to do the basics for himself and I told him he was failing BOTH his kids by not teaching them how to deal with life, how to be independent, etc. He agreed with that as well.

I also told him about the offer I had (from my parents) he was stunned, he cried a little and said that although he didn't want to lose me he would understand if I went. I said the offer remains open, I can go at any time. I said that although that life sounds wonderful and I want SO many aspects of it, it would not make me happy because it would be without him. But that if I needed to I would be gone in a heartbeat. That he needed to understand that I was serious - I will not beg him to stay, I will not fight him - if he messes with me any more I am GONE. He gets it!

Weds. He arranges to take sd and hopefully ss after counselling on a bbq (because he can't bring them here.) He gets to the counsellor - sd is waiting and ss and BM are inside already. SD tells him that SS doenst' want to come that night. He texts BM and says if SS wants he will pick him up after the counselling and take them both for a bbq. crickets.

So he just takes SD.

Gets back to bm's and ss is playing outside, he asks what they did, and OH says well we had the bbq? SS asks if the girls went too? (my dd's) OH says "no just sd and I like I texted?" BM did not forward the text or tell ss about it..... bitch.

She also during that day had said OH had to take the kids this weekend. He said no. it's your weekend BM, Luchay and I had them the last two weekends, you have them this weekend. She carried on a bit. He ignored.

Last night he had arranged to call and talk to SD and SS (on SD's phone, arrangements made with SD - I will call at 5pm, have your phone on! It's ss's first day back at school for the new school year etc" She didn't have the phone on. He finally got hold of her at about 9pm. SS was already asleep.... SD tells him "mum says you have to bring us back Saturday night instead of Sunday night as she is taking us out on Sunday..." He tells her it is mum's weekend anyway. SD says, no mum says it's your weekend and you have to have us.... NO. It's MUM'S w/e, I had you the last two and surely you want to spend some time with mum? SD uses the "I thought you'd WANT to spend time with us Daddy" card :O He says I do but it's mum's weekend, I had your for two weeks straight and it's not fair to mum that she doesn't get to see you for the weekend as well.

He was pretty angry that BM continues to pull this emotional blackmail shit. Putting SD in the middle - and those last words have BM all over them - fuck I hate that cow LOL I told him next time SD starts telling him "BM wants" re visitation he has to shut it down immediately. "Don't you worry about that SD, those things are for mum and I to talk about. I will talk to mum later about that" and change the subject - do NOT enter into the convo with SD about visitation etc. He agreed. We have been waiting all last night and all day today for the BM shitstorm - nothing???? I feel a storm gathering!

After all this I asked him if he would prefer that I took up my parents offer, he said he could understand why I would want to and if I went he would understand (he cried) I said again how tempted I am. To be away from all the stress, all the fighting, BM and the kid problems etc.

I think he realises that I can be gone in days if I need to and suddenly the prospect of losing me is real to him.....

We will see. I am still here, I do still love the man, and when there is no skid/BM drama it really is the fantastic life I want. But I have my exit plan and have realised I am not afraid to use it LOL