What if SK asks DH "do you like/ love BM?"
Step.tococis posted a blog a few days ago that got me thinking "SK asks do you like BM, what do YOU say?"
I personally would say something like "I don't really know BM that well. She is a part of *your* family, not mine and daddy's". (((do you think that's ok btw?)))
In the past, BM has said to FDH "we are a family wether you like it or not" and it worries me that she might tell SS (almost 4) that and confuse him, if we tell him different.
I don't know if she would really tell SS that, because when she said that a few years ago, FDH answered and made it perfectly clear he didn't think they were family anymore, that he wants to promote the idea to SS that he has 2 seperate families, and that that's what divorce is.
Nothing more was said about it, so I'm not sure if she just didn't believe that's how FDH really felt, (she has a tendency to hear what she wants to, and believe what best suits her) or if she *did* believe him and got all butthurt about it, and that's why she's never mentioned it again.
They were together 10 years, then split while pregnant, and they moved into separate homes when SS was a few months old, that's when FDH and I met.
Anyway, what got me thinking was the question I put to you all now.. What if SS (almost 4) asks FDH "daddy, do you like/ love BM?"
do you think FDH should say
"We used to love eachother, but now we're just friends" (coz surely all kids would like to know that their parents were in love when they were brought into the world? not sure..)
orrr maybe "Yes I *like* BM, we're friends. But I *love* you and SM, you are my family" (just to solidify the SKs acceptance of SM? but then it might upset skid knowing FDH likes SM more than BM? again, not sure..)
what do you all think? any ideas on how to answer this if it was suddenly asked? I like to be prepared lol 
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There are two different
There are two different answers here.
If the child asks his parent- A parent's job is to make sure their child feels loved/safe/secure and grows up to be a respectful contributing member of society (in a nutshell, parents have other jobs too) so the parent needs to answer this question in a way that does not harm the child but also isn't a flat out lie. Something along the lines of: "BM gave me you, I love you and you are so special to me, your BM feels the same way about you, so even though Mom and Dad aren't married and aren't in love, we both love you and that is what's important for you to understand."
If the child asks a step parent- IMO, it is much trickier territory because we often are "damned if we do, damned if we don't" and there isn't a right answer. In response to that blog I posted how I handled that and am going to stick with that. SD asked if I liked BM, I replied "The most important thing to me is our family, your dad, your sister, you and my bios, I love you all more than anything. Your mom would probably say the same thing about her family, so how could I not like someone who loves and takes care of people in my family?" It wasn't a yes, it wasn't a no, it just reassured the child that she is important to me.
ohhh I didn't even think of
ohhh I didn't even think of this "Yes! If I only get rid of SM, Mommy and Daddy can be happy again!" thanku that's good to remember in case SS asks! (tbh I don't think FDH would've been up for saying that anyway lol! just thought it might be nice for SS to know they loved eachother once! (I know I'd be upset to hear that my mom and dad didn't love eachother when they had me, but the truth is BM and FDH didn't! they'd split up when he was born!!
SD7 actually did ask DH
SD7 actually did ask DH something similar... it was more like "If my mommy isn't married why does she have two babies? Was she ever married to you daddy? Was she ever married to my brothers daddy?"
He told her no, her mommy was never married to anyone & that sometimes people think they are in love & then realize that they aren't. But that's ok & he got SD out of it, so it must have been a good thing.
(90% of this is a lie, but the truth would make SD feel like a mistake soooooo sugar coating is the best. In reality, DH & Sd's younger brother's dad were friends. They were never in love, BM is a horrible heartless person.)
BM in our case actually TELLS
BM in our case actually TELLS the skids that once they get rid of me her and OH will be happily married again and their family will go back to being as perfect as it used to be....
F*ck I hate that bitch.
SD sends OH (not so) sexy pics of BM....
SD also asks her dad if he still loves her mum - he is tactful, he has said that they used to love each other but then they realised that they didn't anymore and that is why they are no longer together, that he loves Luchay now and that no matter who he is with (luchay OR BM) he will always be their dad and love them.
I think SD hears "of course I am madly in love with BM - if only Luchay would leave life would be wonderful again..."