SS9 is going downhill he needs help ***LONG***
SO has had custody of the 3 skids for 3 years now. They have THRIVED under his care. But, something is happening to SS. I think he's decompensating. I feel helpless for him and for SO
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SS9 has poop issues. He's on
SS9 has poop issues. He's on some heavy duty meds for his ADHD/autistic spectrum diagnosis that probably constipate him a bit along with being to lazy to go to the bathroom. Things were REALLY improving until a month or so ago. He's now pooping at school multiple times a week.
He's been in therapy for 2 years now. SO sounds like he's near a breaking point, he is just out of ideas and this poor kid is lost in his own world. SS9 has a very hard time disconnecting from fantasy, the Xbox has been disconnected for several weeks because he was getting up in the middle of the night and playing then falling asleep in school.
Convo with SO:
Me: He's pooping at school AGAIN???
SO: He does it everywhere. He doesn't care. Doesn't care that it's on him, in him, around him. Doesn't care about the smell, doesn't care about destroying the bathroom or his clothes. I try to talk to him and he's just NOT THERE. You can see even when forcing eye contact that he's not listening and off in his own world. I asked him today why he thinks it's OK not to think about or care about anything but playing and SS responds "I care about Minecraft."
Me: What about weekends when he is with BM?
SO: This last weekend he pooped his pants Friday night and BM let him sit in it all weekend, he came home with shit-caked jeans. BM's response to why she let him sit in his crap all weekend? "I'm sorry, I didn't know he was that bad. He didn't have a good weekend and was in trouble a lot and I couldn't get him to go to the bathroom."
BM is a lazy POS. He pooped his pants IN HER CAR and she didn't bathe him or even change his clothes. I suggested to SO that he keep SS on weekends for a while until things improve, since BM can't be bothered to take care of her son. Oldest SD confessed that BM locks herself in her room most weekends and does not interact AT ALL with the skids.
I also said it's time for new counselors/doctors. The one counselor just plays Legos with him and the doctor just wants to increase meds. He's on so many meds on such high dosages it's crazy. An endocrinologist said it was stunting his growth!!! SS9 is in 3rd grade, he was held back so he SHOULD be in 4th grade and he is still by far the smallest kid in his class.
SO is about to have a nervous breakdown, he does not know what to do (outside of new counselors/doctors). He's tried every punishment under the sun, positive reinforcement, time-outs, cleaning it himself.....NOTHING works. The kid just DOES.NOT.CARE
I cried last night after hearing this and seeing the pic that SO texted of his crap-caked clothes. Although I disagree with a lot of his parenting techniques, SO has done a damn good job of raising the 3 skids on his own. He wants to help him, even talked about applying for FMLA so he could spend more time with SS. My heart breaks for SO and this poor poor child.
Aside from the new therapist/doctor, what else can SO do that he hasn't already tried?
I'm so sorry for your family
I'm so sorry for your family situation. See if you read this and any of the points that it hits on makes sense for your SS.
http://www.autismspeaks.org/family-services/tool-kits/100-day-kit/ten-th...
There used to be a poster
There used to be a poster here that had a SS who did this. He was younger but it was the same thing. He just crapped anywhere and didn't care if he sat in it. It was awful for her. I am not sure what happened to her as she disappeared a while ago. Maybe someone else knows.
That was Houtexstepmom you're
That was Houtexstepmom you're thinking of Goincrazy. She left after the birth of her second bioD, and I constantly wonder how she is doing.
Her SS had an impacted colon and some other digestive issues brought on by a very poor diet when he's with his BM. He was on a strict diet but the SM was the only one following it. Both of the child's bio parents were letting him eat what he wanted. Unfortunately it was Houtex that had to deal with the aftermath of SS's condition.
I believe the SS also suffered from reactive aggression as well.
To the OP - find a new GI doctor and a psychiatrist for your SS's bowel issues. Not all doctors are a good fit and it may take some time to find one that understands the situation. Something is not right with this child.
I don't want to say this, but could he have been abused at some point??
I've actually seen this in my
I've actually seen this in my DD clients usually when they stop improving and get worse it's time for a med detox come off everything (yes I know that means they get way worse first)and start over with the meds. It really sucks big time for the first week off second week no ones thinks the sun can ever come back out, by week three it gets better and you start to see an improvement over they last year or so and they start to make new strides. Unfortunately this needs to happen about once every year to 2 years. They just stop working, the patient just starts to regress and it's awful to watch all the hard work vanish. It's heartbreaking but it might be the best option and something to at least consider( with the dr or as you said get a new one)
My heart breaks for you, your
My heart breaks for you, your SO and SS. And this is a very alarming situation as I'm sure you know.
1st: When this happens with BM, can the authorities be called? That is abuse/neglect and he should not be in her care. Please call CPS.
2nd: Call your pediatrician right away and tell them what is going on. He sounds WAY overmedicated and you need a new team of specialists to start all over again with. The pediatrician should be alarmed enough at what you describe to help you immediately contact the right people.
You sound like your SS's biggest advocates, and I know it's hard. But you will see a WORLD of difference if you can just find the right specialist(s) and/or medications and/or diet.
Shaman, he is definitely
Shaman, he is definitely neglected by BM, as all of the skids are, but I think the isolation and sticking him in front of a video game every weekend he spends with her is having a more negative affect on him than the other 2 skids. He's had behavioral issues from a very young age, but BM had full custody when they were younger so at the ripe old age of 5 she had him put on meds (despite SO's protests) because she is a lazy POS and meds are faster and easier than oh....PARENTING.
He is going to look into different therapists and doctors and I am helping him, he's just so down about the whole idea of "starting over" and so upset about SS's regression, SO is blaming himself.
I love the idea of going off meds, we were talking about it last night.
You were typing when I was
You were typing when I was too.
There is a forumn I read but don't post on, it is under the title of Oppositional Defiant Children-Coinduct disorders but there are parents that have kids with a lot of other DXs. There is supposed to be very different and strict structuring of parenting for kids like this, but like us, if the BM is CP and uses meds to parent it is hard to start over.
I am so sorry for your SS.
I am so sorry for your SS. He's become desensitized to the humiliation most of us feel if we soil ourselves in public.
Please tell your SO that it's not starting over, but moving on. The doctors weren't doing him any good and hurting more than helping. The worst thing he can do is blame himself at this point.
I don't believe punishing the child is going to work either. This isn't a typical situation and punishments may make it worse rather than better. That is not to say you shouldn't walk him through the steps of cleaning up after he soils himself. In fact, I would turn it into a ritual.
Remove soiled clothes, shower, put on clean clothes, rinse/prep soiled clothing for laundry, launder and fold clean clothes, put clean clothes away. I would have him do this every time he soils himself. Not a punishment but a ritual that may help trigger a more positive response down the road. Even if he continues to soil himself, training him to be responsible for his own cleanup might put him on a different path.
Good luck and please keep us posted.
CPS is a joke where BM
CPS is a joke where BM lives....she lives in a tiny town that is the meth capital of the midwest.
She would have to be openly smoking crack and selling herself on the street with the kids running naked in the snow before they would intervene.
OMG! I think we must be in
OMG! I think we must be in the same state! LOL!
It is hard to get the docs to
It is hard to get the docs to do anything different though.
My SS was on 2 anti psychotic meds and they were not working. They would up the dosage and he would get worse...he has rage issues. DSO would cry to the psychs that they needed to do something different and they wouldn't do a thing. I feel a lot of my SS' issues was a result of poor parenting, too lax of parenting for too long.
Is it possible for you to go to a better clinic or psych doctor? With DSO it was money that prevented it (and DSO just wouldn't see what I was saying). If he could've taken him to a better clinic, I think something could have been done 3 years ago. SS' clinic wouldn't even do a med detox and try different things.
I feel for you but SS is lucky you guys are trying your best.
(((HUGS))
(((HUGS))
I am so sorry for you and
I am so sorry for you and your so and ss. My oldest bio is also on the autism spectrum. He took several years to find the right doctor for him. The first was a nurse practitioner who just wanted to dope him up and misdiagnosed him with adhd. The meds did terrible things to his bowels! I finally contacted our local children's hospital and the local university hospital. We were wait-listed but eventually evaluated by competent professional from the children's hospital and got the right diagnosis. He was taken off of all medication gradually, and his psychiatrist and behavioral specialist recommended changing his diet. We removed all dairy products, it was actually much easier than I thought it would be. It completely changed my child. His focus returned, he stopped being a zombie, he slept better and most of all his bathroom issues totally disappeared!
Not sure this will help, but I would suggest finding a second opinion with a group of specialist/or clinics that deal with children exclusively.
(((hugs)))
^^^^Excellent advice^^^^
^^^^Excellent advice^^^^
Agree with everything
Agree with everything Princess said. The reason I recommended contacting the pediatrician to the OP was because that is how I got in touch with better specialists at my local Children's Hospital and finally found the right treatment for my son (he has similar issues).
And yes, you have to be patient and wait and wait for the appointments, but it's better than the alternative!
^^^Totally!^^^
^^^Totally!^^^
I would have him see a
I would have him see a specialist regarding his encopresis (the professional term for pooping yourself). It could be a medical issue and I believe you need to rule that out before anything else.
Also elimination is also tied into control issues with children. It is something that they alone can control (along with sleep and food intake). You cannot FORCE anyone to not poo their pants, kwim? So I'd look at trying to give him more choices in his daily life so he feels more in control in general.
Thank you. I couldn't
Thank you. I couldn't remember the medical term for that, and Houtex's blogs are gone.
Yes, encopresis is definitely
Yes, encopresis is definitely part of it. Things were just going so well this past year. No pooping at school, hardly any accidents....now it's almost every day AND at school
Thank you all for your advice and kind words, I have lots of info to pass along to SO. You guys all GET IT, it's so wonderful to have a place for venting and advice where people truly understand.