Please Don't Marry Her Daddy...OMG!
DF and I were chatting with the SDs yesterday when SD7 came off with, "Please don't marry her daddy." It was odd b/c it was out of the blue. It is not the first time that SD7 has said something like that to DF before. However, we both know that SD7 is manipulative and is being fed a line of bs by her BM. This time it was particularly hard b/c when DF asked SD7 why she was saying these things, she told him that her BM told her all kinds of lies. Apparently, BM has convinced SD7 that if I just disappear, DF can come back to the state he used to live in. However, that is just not the case. He moved for his job, not me. Also, BM has told SD7 that he has chosen me and my Bios over his own kids and we are his new family.
I know that this shit happens every day, but I am so mad. I have been trying to build a relationship with the SDs. DF misses his girls so much. We both know that they are not in a healthy environment. Every time we pick them up from their mom's house, they have head lice and we have to treat them. Plus, DF went into BM's house not too long ago and he said it is disgusting. We have actually talked quite extensively about trying to get full custody. We were waiting to see how things go this summer when they come to stay with us full-time. But now, I just don't know what to do. This conversation broke DF's heart. I really want to shake BM and ask her what she is thinking, but it wouldn't do any good. So here's my question for you ladies. My DF is wondering if he should confront BM about this? He thinks that he should, but I am hesitant. I think it will make things worse. I could use any feedback.
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You both need to take
You both need to take pictures of the kids and the head lice when he gets them. He needs to make sure he gets good shots of the lice. He needs to document treating it every time.
He should consider getting cps involved so they can see the lice and the condition of BM's house.
We have been documenting
We have been documenting this. It has been going on for over 2 years, even when DF was still in the same state and getting the SDs every week. He would treat them. We reported it to CPS and were told it is not something they can deal with. It was brought up when we went to court ordered mediation. BM admitted it was coming from her house, but said she is unable to stop it. It is a horrible thing for the SDs to deal with b/c they keep getting sent home from school and teased. Plus, they hate the treatments but I insist that DF treat them every time b/c I don't want them in the house. We will keep documenting b/c we have a feeling when BM gets divorced from BigWeirdo that we will end up with the SDs.
If her house is in deplorable
If her house is in deplorable condition cps should still be notified. DH should even take pictures of the house the next time he goes over there, but he should first check with an attorney in that state to see if it's legal there. If he can't, CPS should still be notified about the conditions of that house.
I've been with DH almost 14
I've been with DH almost 14 years. BM, to this very day, still tells the Skids that their father doesn't love them because he has a new family. It will never stop. Learn to move past it the best you can. It's all you can do.
I would think long and hard
I would think long and hard about whether you want to support your DF is a custody war. From the sound of it BM is just gearing up the PAS.
My guess is, your BM has unresolved issues related to your DF. Addressing this head on only gives her what she wants: attention from your DF. I'd recommend you read "divorce poison." It's all about PAS and how to combat it.
I will look into that book.
I will look into that book. I am not sure that I want to go to war with BM for custody. The truth is that I have a feeling we will end up with the SDs after BM and BigWeirdo get divorced. DF and I are pretty certain that is in the works, so it is just a wait and see. I just want the drama with BM to stop. We live so far away from her and she still finds ways to make us miserable. It never ends...
For the SKs, there's an
For the SKs, there's an awesome dvd called "Welcome Back Pluto". It's a resource for kids going through pas. They can watch it at your house.
I think confronting the BM
I think confronting the BM would make it worse, it would give her all the more ammo and she will continue with her ways no matter what you do or don't do. I'd put all the energy you can into your relationships and have DF handle the kids.