Well, in my husband's case, he and bm made s deal outside of the state guidelines. I keep telling him to go through the state but a lawyer told him he would have a hard time since they made their own contract. I think that's bs and he needs a new lawyer. Everyone who uses the state calculator gets a re evaluation every couple of years. Plus he can prove hardship.

Your top paragraph is very similar to life for my GS and my DS. CS isn't a big deal, BM keeps GS well cared for, and DS provides anything and everything GS needs (lots of wants too) for GS while at DS's.

I think a lot of the resentment some NCP build over the CS issue is the way their particular state guidelines set the way CS is set. It's got to bite at these ladies. I read blog after blog about how a CP gets a decent chunk of CS monthly but sits on CP's buns and doesn't do anything to also contribute to supporting the child/children. Many of the SM's who blog about the sitting on the buns BM are women who work their 40-50hrs every week, come home and do all the household needs, has a BM on the phone demanding more cash for this sport or that activity and the SM begins to feel she's working to support her home and the kids while BM sits home all day. Not that the SM wants to not work or even work less, but it's a hard pill to take when SM thinks about how she's working hard to get nowhere and support another household.

I don't think it's even the skids or the CS the SM's resent or get so angry over, it's the fact BM dearest MOTY is sitting on her butt being unproductive towards the monthly support of their own biological children. Many of the NCPs come into the new relationship with left over debt and lawyer fees, the new ordered CS, the thought of yet new lawyer fees anytime BM gets an itch, their self bills they carry such as vehicle payments blah blah blah...some NCPs are bringing very little to the table to begin a new relationship (let alone a new set of kids). I can understand why some of these NCP have very little left, but it's not due strictly to CS. It's just the easy target to blame when the paycheck arrives with xxxx figure on it and all that's left out of it after it's all said and done is x.

I'm glad it worked for you. You both must have been reasonable people. It really should work that way if people care about their children.

I wish my husband had the same experience. Instead, he had a lazy, entitled, vindictive woman holding his kids hostage until he paid the ransom she demanded. Not physically keeping them from him, but every chance she got she told them details of the divorce (her side of it), told them he was abandoning them (he had them 50/50), told them he didn't care how bad he was hurting them by divorcing her, told them he was going to hell (he isn't a Christian). You name it, she did it.

Rather than going into a long battle for fairness (she promised to draw it out as long as it took to get the amount she demanded) he paid her ransom thinking it would put a stop to all the alienation. It did to an extent but not completely. She never really stopped, the kids just got smarter.

So yes, I still think working it out without state interference is ideal, but only when everyone has the child's interests in mind when they go into it.