My take is probably different because I am a SM as well as a BM.

My parenting style is that I interact and engage with my kids/skids a lot. I am all about structure and responsibility and once those are met the sky is the limit. I find fun things to do in our community and spend a lot of time teaching/coaching. When it comes to discipline, though, I am firm and have established boundaries of parents vs. kids. Kids do not run my household, they do not get a say in big decisions like moving, buying a car, vacations etc. They get decisions about kid things- do you want to play baseball or soccer? Would you rather have chocolate or vanilla? Do you want to watch spongebob or superheroes?

When it came to something like this, I would not let their feelings play a role in my decision, HOWEVER, I would take time to discuss with them what will change if anything, make sure they know they are loved and safe and try to alleviate any concerns that they had. If they said that they don't like it I would tell them it's a good lesson because in life there will be plenty of things that you don't like that you have to adjust to- leaving a job, having a boss you don't like, a friend or relative passing away, getting sick, your best friends getting divorced etc. etc. life is full of situations that you have no control over, this being one of them, so you have a choice between letting it strengthen you or letting it destroy you.

With skids, I would say these are conversations that your DH should be having with her, and if he is uncomfortable having conversations that teach his child or he is uncomfortable setting boundaries that she is the child, you have a bigger issue than the child not wanting you to be married.

My SD15 didn't want us to get married, she fought her father at every step of our relationship. But I married him anyway. It took a while, he had to prove to me that I was first. That is still kinda debatable some days. But I would probably marry him again. He is good to me and I love him.

Looking back no way.

See I had the silly idea that my spousal unit would wake up come to the party and put me first.

I bought all that bullshit about everything will be fine I've got your back and all of it.

Things didn't get better they only got worse once I was legally locked into the madness.

If you have even the tiniest nagging doubt about your FH and where things really are don't go there.

I don't think it's always about liking or not liking you. I think a lot of times (as I believe is the case in my situation) they may like you just fine, but they don't like the idea of their father getting married to someone who isn't their mother.

I think sometimes it's about them feeling protective of their mother & not wanting "her" place filled by anyone other than her.

I've been with my DH for going on 13 years. We were together 8 of those years before we got married, trying to ease into things "for the sake of the kids". Turns out, no matter how long we waited, they weren't getting anymore used to the idea of us getting married. They weren't getting to be anymore "okay" with it or accepting of it. They WERE beginning to believe, however, that they had some kind of authority to control the path of our relationship because we kept putting it off to soften the blow.

You & your SO are the adults & get to decide what your relationship will be.

I can certainly understand your hurt feelings. IMO, it's something to expect with the territory. Not because it's right, but because it's normal. My parents aren't divorced. I've never experienced life as a stepkid, but can understand where a child would struggle to accept another person stepping in to fill in a parents shoes. Of course, we know that isn't what's happening, as parents cannot be replaced, but I can see where a child might feel that way.

Marriage is between a husband & wife. Him being married to you or not being married to you has nothing to do with the relationship he has with his child.

Of course I would have still married my DH.

DH never consulted SD (then 16) when we got engaged/married. He told her once we were engaged, and didn't include her in our wedding plans. We had a destination wedding. He didn't feel that she has a right to decide who he marries, and I feel the same because we don't get to choose our parents, so why should they be able to choose our spouses.

That all said...SD didn't live with DH, so I guess it could be different if she did. DH and I now have children together, and if anything happened, I would care about their relationship with any future spouse, but I see myself as being much more involved with them than DH was SD.

I would address the skids' concerns (or ensure that DH was) and be open to talk tot hem about the decisions we make that impact them, but their opinion would never be a deciding factor.

SD was adamant that DH and I not get married, despite the fact that we dated for three years. This was not a big surprise to her, and BM had already remarried. But, SD wanted to remain No. 1 in DH's life, so she dug her heels in. Me, being a mature adult, thought I was marrying another mature adult who would understand his daughter's feelings but also make it clear she was not to make life decisions FOR him. So DH came to me and told me SD objected and he wanted to give her more time to get used to the idea. I told him that if he postponed this wedding to appease SD, he might as well cancel it and I would be gone. So we got married as planned, SD was not there (also planned). SD told DH she wanted to come so she could object when it came to that point in the ceremony. SD was included in the family reception, she hogged the limelight and refused to get out of the pictures of DH and I. Yeah, giant flashing warning signs I ignored, huh?!

I am probably the odd ball out here, but I think that most should wait to RE marry until kids/skids are at least 15-16 years old. Later is better.

It is hard enough to raise kids in the first place much less throwing in steps into the mix.

My first commitment was to my kids. I would NEVER have been able to FULLY commit to my DH when my kids were younger.

The feelings are mutual, SD doesnt care for you and you feel the same way about her. Just like sk's dont like their parent's choice, we dont like their kids, it goes both ways. So yes I would still marry my DH even if his kids didnt want us to. His kids don't run our lives.

I did still marry him. She begged him not to. She pitched a fit, wanted my ring, screamed he was replacing her, said him marrying me would prove he didn't love her. My marriage isn't between three people however. It's between my husband and me. Regardless of her feelings, he still loved me, wanted to marry me. Her feelings about it didn't change mine. And since I rather think that my feelings or her fathers feelings in the future will not deter her from marrying exactly who she wants, I see no reason why she gets to decide who else in this world gets married.

Kids don't make the choices for adults. If you're fairly well adjusted, you don't let other adults make your choices either. Would you future mother or father in law's disapproval mean you don't get married? Or your parents? What about your best friend? While I might have listened to my friends or my parents if they thought the relationship was bad and explored why, they know me, they want what's best for me. The step kid, not so much. It wasn't out of concern for her dad, it was out of selfishness, a need for control and fear. None of which are reasons in my mind to call off a wedding that the two people getting married still wanted.