Sorry to take up blog space. I need to write this down somewhere so I can talk about it all with my counselor on Tuesday and I don't have any better place to do that right now since I'm in my office.

FDH is being really self-righteous and self-centered lately and it's pissing me off and keeping me on the brink of crying. I'm not having the easiest time right now and he claims to get that but his actions don't back it up. Long story short: SD's being a pain in the ass about EVERYTHING, FDH hasn't been parenting her so it's not getting much better, my hip has been pretty bad this week though I'm hoping that after my cortisone injection this morning it will feel MUCH better, and I've now got a whole new mystery medical issue that I get to deal with which entails appointments and testing (I get sore all over, sometimes severely so to the point where I can't function or sleep and it's starting to impact my day-to-day life, it hurts to be touched in certain places - some of which I was unaware of until an appointment with my PCP on Tuesday - and my doc is thinking it might be Fibro). And then there's the stress of my job. My boss is a flaming moron and she makes life stressful for all of us. But, it's the lowest stress job in our department, so, yay :/

Last night, FDH had SD help him hang up the house rules - per the suggestion/recommendation of my counselor - in the kitchen, dining room, and her bedroom. When she went to hang it up in her bedroom, he told her to hang it where they both can always see it (last time, she hung it on the wall behind her door so when her door was open, you couldn't see the list). She came back and said that she hung it in the exact same spot. FDH told her to move it and she came out with a snotty "WHY do I have to HANG them?!" and caught major attitude. Today, FDH swears up and down that he told her that it was for BOTH of their benefits, but, I was sitting right there. He didn't. Even last night, he acknowledged that he didn't when he and I talked about it after it all happened. But today? Nope, different story all together. Wtf-ever.

He told her it was because he needs to remember the consequences. He never once mentioned that it's also because SD has a problem following some of the house rules. She was throwing her attitude around - mostly in my direction - about how the rules are stupid and childish and yet, at the same time, impossible. I had half a mind last night to tell her to take the list with her to her counselor today and ask him if he thought they were reasonable things to expect of a 14 year old (because they totally are), but I didn't. All I said was that she struggles to follow them and, by her own admission, has trouble transitioning from a house with no rules to a house with rules, so we feel that it will help her, too. I said it won't always have to be hung up, but, for now this is how it has to be. But, of course, I could have been kissing her feet while saying this but I'm still the asshole, I'm still the problem, I'm still the reason why her life sucks. *smdh*

She kept talking about how stupid the rules are because they're impossible to follow (really? It's impossible to follow rules like "keep yourself and your space clean, respect yourself and others, do your schoolwork"??) But I just tuned it out after a while because I was tired of her snarking at me and giving me dirty looks and FDH doing nothing about any of it.

This morning, I woke up in a bad mood. I didn't sleep well, I was frustrated over the exchange about the house rules and FDH's inability to keep her accountable, I'm perpetually frustrated with the pain I'm in, and I'm nervous about my cortisone injection. Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to it because relief from the hip pain! But, I'm also nervous because I hate needles and I know that it's going to involve big scary needles. I'm just hoping that I get the nurse practitioner who injected the contrast dye into my hip for my arhtrogram MRI because she was amazing. So, I was trying to get ready and FDH is mumbling stuff and I hate it when he does that because I can't hear him - mind you, he gets snippy and pissy with me if I don't say something loudly enough for him to hear. He asks if I'm mad at him and I said "Not mad at anyone but I'm frustrated. Last night was frustrating for me."

So what's he do? Acts like I kicked him in the shin and picks a fight with me in the car on the way to work. He starts it all off by telling me that he's put out because I'm upset. Why? Because look at EVERYTHING he's doing for me today. He's driving me to work, then he's driving to the supermarket to refill my Xanax so I can be a little more relaxed when I get my injection, then he's driving BACK to work to take me to get my injection, and then he's going to bring me back to work. Seriously? That's how you're going to handle this? By throwing it in my face all the things that you are so selflessly (*cough*bullshit*cough*) doing for me today? I told him that wasn't fair to throw that in my face like that (I had half a mind to tell him to pull over and walk the three blocks back to the apartment so I could drive myself and not have to listen to his self-righteous indignation), and then he starts yelling at me about how it's not fair that I'm mad at him because I'm being unappreciative of EVERYTHING he does for me. So, now I'm not only ungrateful for what you're doing for me today, but, all the times I've said "Thank you" for everything you do just goes away because I'm not even mad but frustrated and you just so happen to be a small part of my frustration?? Like, it's gotten to the point now where when I have a doctor's appointment - like I did on Tuesday - I thank him for taking me and he just shakes his head 'yes'. He doesn't say anything like "It's no problem, you know I'll always take you" like he used to. He just acts like he's doing me some huge favor and not doing it because he loves or cares about me. Hell, when I made my appointment for Tuesday, he was asleep so I couldn't verify with him that the time and date were OK so I took the first appointment available because I am in misery with this all over pain. His response when I told him "Well, I guess I won't be making my meeting tomorrow morning. Thanks." WTF?! Seriously, what crawled up your ASS, FDH?!

So after him being a raging, self-righteous ass for 90% of my car ride, it takes me telling him that SD wouldn't appreciate him doing that either (because GUBM does that same bullshit to her) for him to feel badly about doing it. No, it's not possible to feel badly about it when I'm telling you that it's not a fair thing to say or do. But the moment precious SD gets brought up, oh, remorse!

And then all this past week, anytime I mention being in pain or not feeling well? Oh he has to tell me how he's in so much more pain than me and how he feels way worse than I do. Not even so much as a "sorry you aren't feeling well, I don't feel well either."

I honestly don't get what the hell is wrong with him. It's all so self-centered and screw everyone else. And I'm honestly questioning what he's getting at here. It's pretty difficult for me because it seems like he's starting to resent my illnesses.