Questions
It is a great chance that I might be pregnant. Not sure if I'm ready for that or if the family is either. I don't know how we should approach telling my stepdaughter. Let alone her mom. I'm a bit resentful of having to tell her at all. But that's the life of a blended family. We have created a very stable environment for my stepdaughter in our home (her dad has had her full time for 2 years now) and I fear that her mom might be more inclined to "want her back" because we may be expecting. It's upsetting that I have to even consider her in this moment but as any parent my first thought was how would this effect my child.
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Why do you have to tell BM?
Why do you have to tell BM? It's none of her business.
Realize that to worry over what BM thinks is giving her power over you. It's high time to stop it for the good of your child and yourself. There is no need to tell BM. She'll figure it out, whether through SD or mutual friends or just you showing, soon enough.
I'd have both you and her dad think of a fun surprise in telling your stepdaughter. A treasure hunt might be nice.
You do not have to tell the
You do not have to tell the SD's mother the status of your uterus. Honestly, you don't.
NO. NO. No. Do not do it.
NO. NO. No. Do not do it. Even if you think you are blended. I thought I was blended. When you have your first child (I assume this is your first) it should be totally precious and you will so want DH to put you and it on a pedestal like first borns and moms in childless couples should be. YOu will not get that in any event, everything will be old hat for DH and that will be bad enough. But to have BM and SD commenting on, speculating about, and anticipating events emanating from YOUR body? Horrific. In my case that was when the shit hit the fan with our BM, and believe me to have one's own body becoming part of someone else's psychodrama is a very particularly and uniquely painful experience. You will realise this as soon as you hear your DH come back and tell you of BM's reactions and utterances even if they are neutral comments.
If she were to find out the date of the labour and start harassing then, what would that do to you? If she were to allege DH had gone back to her for a ONS?
And anyway what if you miscarry? You want BM's condolences?
I would say many biomoms don't tell their older children they're pregnant until they're nearly ready to drop. I did this with my elder son. At the age he was (5) he would not have understood the timeline and would have expected baby to be born the next day. They can cope with knowing about it a month or so ahead at earliest, it's not something they need longer to acclimatise to.
:jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:
Please think again and keep your pregnancy and birth as precious and magical as you can. This is you time.
Thanks for all your feedback.
Thanks for all your feedback. My period, which I call Miranda, was almost a week late so the possibility was very strong. We are NOT pregnant at this time. I think the treasure hunt for my stepdaughter is a great idea. My SD is 8 and she's been talking about a little brother for a while. We've tried to prepare her the possibility as she is the only child on her father's side. As far as the BM, I'll take your advice and make sure I won't say anything until I'm further along in pregnancy. I didn't plan on telling anyone until after the first trimester. The only concern I had with telling her is the possibility of a negative effect on my stepdaughter, but she has 3 other adult daughters. It'll be my time soon and she'll have to deal with that. Sometimes I believe she only had my stepdaughter to try and "save" the relationship.