Worry about your own relationship with your kid!
I have not spoken to my SD17 in four months. I stepped out from everything and I mean everything. The only way I will ever let her around me or in my home is if I am able to go toe to toe with her. I will not let anyone dictate to me what to say to her. She is married and having a child, therefore she is an adult and I will treat her as such. I am a straight shooter not a mean person there is a difference.
I told my DH and his family this 4 months ago and everyone said they were good with it. Well SD wants to act like nothing happened and just "get together" with me. I did not respond to the text. She blew a gasket with everyone saying she is trying to work it out with me and I am ignoring her. She is right, I am ignoring her. She continues to degrade her father and sister. She always cancels on him and when they do get together she say where and when and with whom for dinner.
I am ignoring her because unless her first words to me are I'm sorry we will have a blow out of an argument. This is not going to help anything. She will only further alienate herself from DH and his family. DH and his family are telling me I need to let this go and act like nothing ever happened. I wish it were that easy, but I just can't do it. I have to have it out with her before we move on.
My point is everyone seems to feel like I can fix this. I wish they understood that my DH and SD have to work on their own relationship and stop concerning themselves with me and my relationship with SD. Does that make sense? Why work on my relationship with SD before my Dh and SD work on their's. I feel like they are just focusing on anything but that. Their relationship is the true probelm. Am I worng to feel this way? How would some of you handle this?
- Patsy's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I agree with you. I will not
I agree with you. I will not have a relationship with my SD18. DH and her can, but I do not need to be involved. He has barely anything with her, so why should I?
You just tell her, I am not your mom, I do not need to have you in my life. Your priority should be your father.
Do you think I should just
Do you think I should just send this in a text or have DH relay the message? Her text to me about getting together was sent over a month ago so I really rather not stir it up. DH just told me SD brought it up when he talked to her at Easter. That is what set me off. All this time and they continue to worry about me.
I would say whatever you end
I would say whatever you end up deciding to do, do not pass messages thru DH. He will get the emphasis wrong and it will all get mixed up with his and her issues. If you want to talk to her about this, it's you and her only. There are too many audiences with their own agenda in step situations.
I broke up my relationship with SD25 at the age yours is for a similar reason and with similar feelings. She never apologised. Things never improved. We are happily disengaged now. Your gut feeling about how to manage this is absolutely right imo.
Therein lies the real problem
Therein lies the real problem I am having. I can not imagine sitting alone with her. I am telling you it is going to be a real blow out!
I really feel this way! I
I really feel this way! I have told DH this and of course he denies it. So I left it with him that until they work their problems out don't worry about mine. I want nothing to do with it and for him to relay that to SD.
DH would flip out if I told
DH would flip out if I told her I didnt need her in my life, but I do feel this way for the time being. I do need to tell her that until her and her dad's relationship gets better I can not see her. The family is freaking out because there are 2 family weddings and they want her there. I think it is all for show because they don't reach out to her either. Dh's mom and dad never reach out to her.
I am always blown away when I
I am always blown away when I discuss a problem on this forum and find out how many others are dealing with the same thing.
I feel the same way, FDH and
I feel the same way, FDH and Sd's relationship is what needs work. It's always easier to blame the outsider then take responsibility for their own relationship I guess. I still get mad about the BS she pulls but I can honestly care less about her and what she does.
Sucks it has to be this way but thats how they made it. SD by acting that way and FDH for allowing it.
YES! THEY need to work on it!
YES! THEY need to work on it! Problem is they don't even know eachother well enough to know where to start.
You are right I need to do
You are right I need to do this. Funny thing is I bet she has no intention of facing me after the things she has pulled.
All I ever hear anymore is
All I ever hear anymore is that the longer you hold onto anger the worse it is on you. I agree that is why I like to get my anger out there and then move on. I just can't act like nothing happened. I wish I could, that would be a great talent to have.
I have two adult skids, and
I have two adult skids, and there is no way I'd entertain any notion of ME having to fix a relationship that's not mine. I don't give a flip what in laws think. I would keep ignoring the text and life my life without getting back into the drama.
This is what I would love to
This is what I would love to do, but really I don't even know how I will be able to look at her if she does come to the weddings. I have that much anger built up. }:) I'm just that way I run a little hot. My best example of my temper is when years ago my husband told me to do the dishes. I picked them up and threw them out on the patio. Then said "There they are done." This doesn't happen often but when it does I go a little nuts. I DO NOT want this to happen at a family wedding.
You're right I don't think I
You're right I don't think I have the will power to meet her alone and not lose my top!
Im in the same boat except I
Im in the same boat except I havent seen my sd in 10 months.
She can apologize to me all she wants, apologizing was how she got back in my life the last time. It wont work this time.
I refuse to have a thief and a liar in my home.
I refuse to open the door and let in trouble when MY husband wont stand up to his daughter and tell her she will not speak and treat him like shit nor me or my children. And since he is balless that will never happen.
So her being back in my life wont happen either
Your right
I have thought about that. I
I have thought about that. I think why would I even want to resolve this, my life is so much better without her in it. Lets say her and I make nice, it will all just go back to the way it was. I don't want that! I have come to realize I was the bad guy even when I did things right. Maybe I'd rather be the actual bad guy this time
SD gets to lash out and speak to me and my family anyway she pleases. Just once I'd like to really tell her what I think of her.
I think that is the reason
I think that is the reason why I keep telling everyone that I will have to go toe to toe with her before I allow her back into my home. I then remind them all of how bad it might turn out after our "sit down". I am running too hot to do this. It will only make things worse. I don't care to hash it out at this point. I centainly am not ready to sweep it under the carpet either. I am so much better with her out in my life and quit frankly so is everyone else in the family. I don't see my in laws doing anything about keeping in contact with SD. They all live close and they all have her number. If they want her there for the weddings SD can sit with them. I am making the cakes and I am pretty busy during the receptions. I think I have a better chance of not blowing up on her if I am busy. My blood does seem to boil as soon as I see her, but as long as she ignores me as much as I plan to ignore her it will be okay.