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Imagine...they are trying to work this out on their own!

Patsy's picture

Some of you might remember that I did not want to speak to my SD (it's been since Christmas) because frankly I felt nothing good would come of it. I was still running way too hot. I didn't do what the entire family asked of me, which was to basically to try to fix everything for my SD and DH. I just could not do it. Until she is able to show her father respect and he is able to speak clearly to her I just did not want to get involved.

After the Christmas events I let him know he can't bring her to our house. At first SD was fine without coming over since she is the one who said I'm not going around Patsy. What she didn't realized until a few months later is that I didn't want her around either. To be honest SD and I were much closer than she was with DH. She had no idea I would not be happy to have her back over.

When she realized she wasn't in control of the situation any longer she went crazy and it got to a point where both SD and DH thought I would come back and clean up their mess for them. NOT THIS TIME. I told DH I am out of it until they work on their own relationship and when theirs gets better I may or may not step back in, but until then do not mention a word about SD and I getting together.

Guess what it is actually working! For once they are not focusing on me and they are actually bonding again. It finally came out DH admitted to SD that they expected me to fix all of this like I did in the past. DH told SD that I stepped out for the right reasons not out of spite or anger but so they would work together. This made me so happy to hear this. Not happy enough to come back into the picture, but still it is progress. I got a text from SD this morning that she understands why I am doing what I am doing and that her and Dad are really working on their relationship. This is the first text I have responded to it was a simple GOOD, KEEP AT IT.

With the family weddings coming up and her due to have her baby in August it makes me happy to report some things are starting to come together.

Comments

Patsy's picture

luckymomme- Why thank you, but let me tell you my SD is 17 married and pregnant and far from mentally stable. DH and SD have been meeting without me for over 4 months now and it has just started to turn. SD showed him nothing but anger and blame for most of their dinner dates. Then he confided to me he didn't know what to do any longer because it seemed things were only getting worse. He once again asked me to get involved. This last time he knew I wasn't going to budge! I will not be the PATSY! When he figured that I was really done and SD would not be allowed over until they fixed their own things. I don't know the age of your SDs, but putting my foot down and not allowing er to the house was the ONLY way to get them to realize I was serious.

Patsy's picture

HA HA those were the exact words my friend told me...LOL...well played hand! It does feel good to know they realize I am out of it and they can not use me to deflect their real problems. No matter the outcome!

Patsy's picture

My DH acted like he agreed with me and that he knew I had good reason to step out and not allow her in my home. Then there are times when he spends time with SD and it's like I have to justify myself all over again. Retell the whole story of why I don't want her in my home or around me. There are so many thing I bring up that it just makes me resent both of them even more. I know he craves for the time back when she was young and SD was barable, but really there were more moments even when she was young that were ugly rather than good. I can only think of one vacation where SD didn't make life miserable. We have vacationed two times a year since she was 5. This last year she didn't go, but that makes over 10 vacations SD and DH ruined.

Willow2010's picture

YAY!