O/T I am really trying to understand this...
I am NOT in any way trying to offend anyone. I'm just trying to understand.
My little sister has had 3 really bad marriages. First husband was a drug addict, she left him, second one I had to rescue her from his abusive ass, the third one I also went and picked her up because she was fearful that he would kill her(never touched her but he was one of those people when you look at him you think 'oh yea he's got someone chained up in his basement')
Now she's a lesbian. I guess. The two chicks she's been with look like dudes. After the first chick and before she hooked up with this chick I asked her if maybe she should take some time to figure out her life before hooking up with someone else. She got mad and said I don't support her lifestyle. I never said that. I think people should be free to love whomever they want. I can honestly say I don't understand the attraction but whatever pulls your trigger.
I don't think I'm being anti gay or homophobic or whatever you want to call it when I say I don't think my sister is gay. I just don't. It's not denial. My sister tells me EVERYTHING. Sometimes I wish she wouldn't share. She has NEVER in our whole lives told me she likes girls. She has been insanely boy crazy since she was like 12.
I haven't said this to her but I think she needs counseling. I think that she feels bad because she has 3 failed marriages(who wouldn't). I think she thinks there is something wrong with her. She keeps picking the wrong guys. I never got to meet the 3 men she married before she married them. The last one she knew for a year before marrying him which is better 10 or 11 months longer than she knew the other two.
If she is gay, fine. I still love her, I don't care about that. But if she's just trying to work something out, how is that fair to the woman she is with? It's not.
Should I just keep my mouth shut?
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I once went to a divorce
I once went to a divorce recovery group. It was to help understand all the stages of emotions you feel during and after divorce. A speaker once said, you can be married several times to different people but you will be married to the same type of person over and over again, unless you figure out why you do this.
Your sister sounds like she has married the same person over and over again. Who really knows what she is thinking now by turning to women. It sounds like you tried to reach out to her about fixing what she brought into those relationships but instead she looks outward to blame you for being anti-gay instead of looking inward to accept some responsibility for her choices and why.
I think you've done your part, I would be supportive towards her no matter if she is or isn't gay, just be her sister. I wouldn't give her anymore advice unless she asks for it.
It does sound like she's just
It does sound like she's just "trying something different" because of her bad experience with men. But, nothing you can say will get through in the honest, loving way you mean it. She's going to hear it as negative dismissal of her "feelings" which, really, I think you are 100% right in that she's confused and not giving herself time to KNOW what she's feeling. She does need therapy. BUT she's also thrown herself into relationships with women who are quite possibly telling her "oh your sister hates that you're with me because I'm a woman, she wants to send you to a shrink to make you not gay!". Think about it. She chose controlling, abusive men. What makes you think she'd choose another partner, male OR female, who's any different? Just back off and be there for her. It'll mean biting your tongue but so be it.
You would probably be able to
You would probably be able to answer this best (and please don't think I'm slamming your peeps!), but...
Which parent does she have issues with?
I've noticed that when I've worked with or been friends with people who CLAIM to be homosexual later in life, that most of the time, the root of their same-sex partnership is because of an unresolved childhood issue with their (same gender) parent. And of the women I've coached, a series of abusive relationships usually stems from abuse/abandonment from either parent, but mostly from an opposite sex parent.
Does she have any issues like this?
Honestly, probably both I'm 2
Honestly, probably both
I'm 2 years older- she is my dad's bio child I am not.
I'll try to keep this quick.
When dad married my mom her mom went on a serious PAS campaign. My dad struggled to maintain a relationship with my sister but she was a terror. Seriously, all our fights were about how she treated our dad. Her mom moved her all the way across the country and when she was 16 she stopped coming. I tried to maintain a relationship with her but when she was 16 she told me our dad was a deadbeat and a sperm donor and she didn't appreciate it when I pointed out that dad paid CS and SHE chose to stop coming to visit. We lost contact for a very long time. I tried to contact her when dad was dying but her mom was living with her at the time and she hung up any time I tried to call. My dad passed away and my sister didn't find out until a year later. (our gran died 6 months after my dad) We had a very tense conversation where we hashed everything out and she realized her lack of relationship with our dad was her mom's fault.
So I'd say she's got a LOT of family issues.