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Dead Beat Mom Can Do No Wrong

coping's picture

Submitted by coping on Sun, 07/27/2014 - 3:22pm

SD14 lives with us full time. Per CO, she can see her mom once a month. This NEVER happens. Dead beat, never sees her, calls her or does anything for her. Doesn't reimburse us for medical/dental as she is supposed to as well. Why does my SD14 idolize her? BM sent her one shirt for Christmas. She wore it all the time and commented on how her mom got her all these nice things and our things were some how not as good. She sent her ONE shirt. ONE. I am guilty of over spending for her at back to school and Christmas on clothes/shoes/accessories. Way over spend. BM sent her a card and she made copies of it and taped them to the wall. I didn't take them down, but I don't understand why she does two things and it is such a big damn deal. I have done and done and done for this kid. But I suppose it goes back to 'I'm not her mom'. But I tell you, I pay for the braces, cheer practice, gymnastics/dance class, name brand clothes, weekend trips, yearly vacations and I get the knife in the back a lot...

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hangingbyathread6's picture

Submitted by hangingbyathread6 on Mon, 07/28/2014 - 12:36am

I'm going to try to say believe what dozy said above, because I have the same issues with my SSs and their BM. She walked out on them at 2 and 4...for another man...because life wasn't rainbows and skittles...BF didn't want to be saddled with kids so she just LEFT. Walked in and out of their lives for 5-6 yrs in between boyfriends and when she needed "help" and my stupid ass DH would help her because the boys wanted to see her...DH and I met, and started dating...the woman has done nothing for these kids...literally would call and say they need SOCKS, or BENEDRYL for their allergies (and living two blocks away from the store she still somehow couldn't get it), never bought them new clothes for school, paid for any extra curriculars they wanted to do. I walk in to their lives, and I start paying for those things. Helping Dh (BF at the time) with these things. Yet BM is the end all be all...and I'm pigeon shit. I stopped. I started telling the boys, "ask your mother" and I don't do it anymore. Some things, yes, because we are the custodial parents and I do it for my bios, but other things, just plain NO. I'm so sick of being the evil SM when in reality, I'm the major mother figure they have had in their lives since they were that you and they are teens now, and I've been here for 4 years taking care of them. All kids will have a loyalty to the bio, no matter how much of a POS they are...I keep hoping someday my SSs will realize what I did for them and that I did it because I loved them and not because I HAD to since they aren't MY kids...maybe...maybe not. Step parenting SUCKS.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Sun, 07/27/2014 - 3:55pm

Dtzyblnd wrote what I was going to say as well. In the long run, she will know who was there for her and who was a lazy good for nothing "mom".

step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Sun, 07/27/2014 - 4:10pm

Can you imagine being this child? It's way easier to believe her mom's lies and revel in her "gifts" than it is to fave the truth. I have to remind myself this all the time regarding ss14.

blended7's picture

Submitted by blended7 on Sun, 07/27/2014 - 6:25pm

In the same boat with my 2 sd's. I've had them daily for 3 years and she's not seen them and only called once. She is still gold and I'm evil

supermom5's picture

Submitted by supermom5 on Sun, 07/27/2014 - 9:29pm

My Sks BM walked out on them when DH and I first got together and then would pop in and out whenever she pleased. NEVER helped with anything and then about a year and half ago..she slowly gets back on track and now they "live" with her (if you wanna call it that, they are here half the time). But to them she can't do anything wrong..they truly act like BM is made of gold. It makes me sick..all the crap I have done and I'm the one who gets hated all the time. I definitely feel you!

coping's picture

Submitted by coping on Sun, 07/27/2014 - 10:42pm

I wished we all had different feelings. I really thought I was the only person in the whole world who felt like this or had to deal with this crap. I'm not happy that anyone else does, but it's nice to feel the empathy.

Frustr8d1's picture

Submitted by Frustr8d1 on Mon, 07/28/2014 - 5:44am

I've been complaining on this site for years about being a full-timer with a deadbeat BM. My SD11 does the exact same thing. I've bought her all types of clothes, school supplies, birthday/Christmas presents. I play Santa every year. We've spent thousands out of pocket on dental bills. I've been there for her and all the important milestones in this ungrateful kid's life. YET, when BM took her for Christmas ONE year out of the past SEVEN years, BM is suddenly a rock star. SD's uncle gave her a $50 gift card for Christmas and loser BM decided to be nice for once and took SD clothes shopping. When they got to the cash register, BM asked SD if she could use her gift card because she claimed to not have any money. How Classy. And she only bought one expensive shirt with that gift card. How Stupid.

So, I've noticed lately that every time we go on a trip, SD wears only that one shirt that BM "bought" with SD's gift card, even though SD has other clothes. I started wondering if it's SD's way of sort of bringing BM on the trips with us and that is so disturbing to me. It's true. BM does one minor thing and SD makes a huge deal out of it. DH and I do many things. Every day. All year. And SD barely even gives us a simple Thank You.

I hate being a full-timer.