OT:Blended Family finances with me being a SAHM
So here's the situation:
DH and I combined finances very early on in our relationship. I was just out of university with no debt, he had just sold his first house with no debt either. We thought we both had nothing to lose by combining our finances and it was worked out fairly well up til now. After university I worked for 3 years full time, as did he, and we bought a few small rental properties during that time. Then after DD was born, I stayed at home with her for the first year and had maternity benefits coming in just for that year. Our DD is turning 3 in a few months and I have been working on a household budget for awhile now. Our small rental property pool generates a comfortable income, more than enough to basically replace my "would have been" income. It is a small venture, so I don't actually draw a salary from the earnings, but the profits do go into our joint account. I am also the one that manages them all, doing the work from home.
So my question to you all is that my DH knows our finances well, but he's also the type of person that worries about having enough money constantly. I, on the other hand, know exactly what goes in and what goes out, and know that we are fine, moneywise. Also because DH is the one that brings home the money, he resents the fact that I don't work. Meanwhile, I make his life very comfortable. I fix everyone's meals, keep the house clean, run most errands, manage the rentals and take care of DD everyday. DH does not have a domestic bone in his body. He has a worker's mentality and that's about it. He's great and providing and loves going to work. So I think it works out for everyone. The problem is that he feels like he should be able to use money as he pleases. He buys workout stuff, expensive vitamins, tools, etc., without ever consulting with me about it. To keep things in perspective, one bottle of his supplements costs about $70. He is a workout maniac. Anyways, if anyone has an idea on how to do the finances here, it would help me a lot. Should we each have a spending account? Should his include his child support?
Thanks!!
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Being a SAHM should be a
Being a SAHM should be a joint decision. He's working hard to support you guys, he should be able to spend some of the fruits of his labor. If you guys are not in agreement about you going to work, you should get a job.
However, you both should talk about it because you getting a job is going to increase spending also. Someone will have to manage the rentals, daycare, gas ans wear and tear on your vehicle. So, look at what you could possible make opposed to what will need to go out for you to work and both of you can be in on the decision making on whether or not you become a working mom.
DH & I both work, but this is
DH & I both work, but this is what works for us.
We have a joint bill/savings account which both our checks go into. Then we both have separate 'mad money' accounts. We take an allowance, (small, 25 a week) & can do whatever with that money. We buy everything for our household & all of our vacation etc stuff comes out of the joint account. The separate accounts are for things that we each see as important to ourselves but the other doesn't agree with. I use mine to get nails done every once & awhile, or to buy new clothes (I don't shop or do outtings every week, so there's usually always around 200 in my acct).
If we ever want something big but don't have enough to get it, we just ask. It's really rare we tell each other no. Money isn't really tight for us at all.
Your DH however, I don't understand. If he thinks money is tight & you need to work, why is he spending so much or vitamins/work out equipment?
Yea...it sounds like he wants
Yea...it sounds like he wants you to get a job and you don't want to...?
I agree with totallybogus...get job and split finances so no one feels resentful.
What would the salary be to
What would the salary be to have someone do the work of running the rental properties, if you didnt do it?
I love running the rentals.
I love running the rentals. We don't have too many of them, so I'm able to maintain a relationship with each tenant, and am very quick to respond to and resolve any issues they might have. If I asked DH if he'd like to manage the properties himself, he would jump on it. He's very paranoid about anything that can or will happen to the rentals, so he's always talking about it anyway. He would take that responsibility on, but he's just not good at it. He doesn't really know how to deal with the tenants. In the past, he's chosen his "buddies" as the tenants, and they screwed us over big time. He knows I'm way better at it, but just won't let it go. I also have a background in accounting, so it helps with the money management of it.
Well if I actually had a well
Well if I actually had a well paying job outside the home, then DH would have to share those responsibilities. Although he would do a shitty job with it. He doesn't know how to serve nutritious meals that a toddler would eat, forgets to brush her teeth, never take her out, just sit her in front of the tv, etc.
Being a SAHM has to be a
Being a SAHM has to be a joint decision between the two of you. It doesn't sound like your DH wants you to be a SAHM. He is probably like a lot of men who don't place the same importance to taking care of the house, taking care of DD, etc. He probably feels these are lesser than his job and therefore doesn't really consider it to be an equal contribution.
I would suggest a conversation with him regarding a "salary" for taking care of the rental property. If he isn't open to that then perhaps you could discuss continuing the current situation for two more years until your daughter is in school. At that time you could get a part time job while she is in school and still spend most of your time with her.
Ultimately though, you do have to agree on it. If not, this issue will surely continue to be a problem in your marriage.
DH and I talk about this all
DH and I talk about this all the time. He says he is in agreement with me being a SAHM and saving money on daycare and property management. I've showed him our expenses and income and showed him all the leftover money we have, but he always goes through periods where he thinks we don't have enough, but then goes and spends on whatever he wants, which I don't do. The income from DH's salary and profits from the rentals are about the same, with DH's salary being a bit more.
I like the idea of take a small salary from the management. I calculated and it will be between $1000-$1500 a month.
We are and could continue to live very comfortably, we are not rich, but we manage nicely. But DH just has the mentality that its never enough.
he's also the type of person
he's also the type of person that worries about having enough money constantly
He is not that worried about having enough money if he is spending so much on supplements and workout stuff.
he resents the fact that I don't work
How does he figure that you don't work? Does he know how much work is involved in what you do? Does he realize how much it would cost to hire a maid, a cook, a personal errand runner, a property manager, and a nanny?
If you sat on your ass all day, that would be one thing but that is not the case.
He doesn't sound like he's going to be on board with having a spending account since he sees it all as HIS money, but it's a good idea. You need to lay it for him and first make him see that your life together is a joint effort even though you don't have a traditional salary paying job. Just because he brings home a paycheck does not mean he can just spend willy-nilly.
Or, you need to pay yourself a salary and you might just end up making more than him!
That's a great article. I
That's a great article. I will definitely share this with DH. Thanks
In my view, there are
In my view, there are actually TWO issues at hand:
1) You aren't technically bringing in an income because you're a SAHM.
On the surface, this is true. However you list all of the other things you do to provide for the family, relieving your DH of those tasks (child care, house cleaning, meal prep, errands, and management of rental properties to name a few)
2) It sounds like you do most of the non-work items and your DH works
So would your DH be willing to then split the home work 50/50? Meaning, would he be willing to do 50% of the laundry, child care, meal prep, house cleaning, etc etc?
This is where my DH falls short.... he LOVES the fact that I work (because I make a substantial amount of $) and it makes our lives comfortable. HOWEVER, he didn't in the past see his responsibility in helping out with house stuff. So basically, I had two full-time jobs -- working 10 hrs a day at a salary-generating job, then coming home and making dinner, doing laundry, sweeping floors, etc while he "rested" from a hard day's work. That led to burnout for me very quickly.
If he wants you to contribute to the household income by going OUT and getting a(nother) job, then he needs to contribute to the jobs at home.
One other question -- you have a young child at home... how much is day care in your area vs what you would bring home salary-wise on a weekly basis?
Daycare in our area is about
Daycare in our area is about $800-$1200 a month. I know for a fact that DH would not be enthused about having the share the non-work responsibilities. He doesn't cook well, he has no idea who DD's doctor is or where she's located. He has never loaded or unload the dishwasher. I am by nature a multi-tasker, and very efficient in doing so. In all honesty, if I saw that DH had more of a domestic, super daddy side to him, I would love it to share each facet of our lives together 50-50. Unfortunately he is not, and he knows it. He is a very hard worker, has a great job and is well compensated. I feel it just makes sense at this point in our lives, that I do the work at home, while he goes out to earn an income. When DD goes to school, then I will find a part time job to fill up my time.
It has made me feel a lot more secure, but having a means to write this blog out. Thank you to everyone that gave their input!
I am going to be pretty
I am going to be pretty blunt, get a part-time job. Sounds like the properties is one so get another one. But, I do have rental properties and they are really a small amount of work for me. I have a management co. You could get one to handle the properties and get a full time job or do both.
Doesn't sound like he likes you staying home now. Your kid is older now, so you can work, just honestly doesn't sound like you want to. I work from home and have a cleaning lady because DH is useless and I won't do it all. Maybe you can look into a job working at home. I hire women for my business that work from home. I have three now and they all have kids and are working 10-20 hours a week for me making calls. It is possible.