BM an odd duck, oh yes
At her house today she shows me video of her and her co-workers in a silly skit for some work assembly. This video went on for several minutes. She seemed to want my praise, like a little kid in a pageant. I politely watch and nod and smile. Do any of you have this kind of BM?
Why on earth would I be interested in her work skit? When DH and I became engaged, she wanted to see my ring and ooh and ahh over it and congratulate me. Okaaaaayyyy....so you're being polite and showing the kids that everything's fine and you have no problem with this. Very nice. BUT...then she whips out her wedding album to show me her wedding. Her wedding to the very same man standing beside me now. Not exactly a bride's dream to be looking at pics of her fiancee in a tux standing behind a wedding cake with someone else. She wanted to show me her colors for their wedding. Yeeaaah...that's smashing. Just bloody brilliant.
Everybody here has so many stories of mean BMs who call them names or call the police on them. Am I the only one who has one who wants pretend we're some kind of twisted up roomies? Even my mil said to me "I KNEW she would like you." And DH has told me BM will want to impress me or have my good opinion of her. What in sharknado is this?! I'm grateful we don't have the hostility, don't get me wrong, and I always praise her for that to others irl. But in many, many ways I find her unappealing, to say the least, and her lazy ass parenting causes me a lot of problems (and her generally lazy way of life).
I was squirming inside, watching her dance about on her iPhone. Why the hell does she think I want to spend one minute of my life watching this? Why does she want to spend one minute of hers showing it to me? And why on earth the freakin' wedding album?
Can anybody here explain this or do you have the same?
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Just run with the 'nice' BM I
Just run with the 'nice' BM I say. Do as you do, continue to smile and nod. You do catch more flies with honey afterall
I also hope you took notes re the wedding album, if anything to make sure your wedding colors/themes are poles apart 
Yes, the weddings were poles
Yes, the weddings were poles apart. Didn't even need to make an effort at that. There's very little about her that's like me. Both American citizens? Both female? That's about it.
What the heck is it? Why
What the heck is it? Why don't they just make things efficient and businesslike? Why should yours worry about your opinion of her or even want to be "friends" on any level? In my view my BM should want to have as few interlocking parts as possible. Just the way I wish it. Cannot believe she would show me that stupid video. If she wanted to share it with somebody, why not a real girlfriend instead of someone who stands in the most awkward position to her possible?
Because we are all polite.
Because we are all polite. When she delivers them once a week, she comes all the way into our house. Uses our bathroom. Tells stupid stories from her job. Updates DH on friends of HERS that dh does not care one whit about and usually doesn't even know. Chitter chatters endlessly and needlessly.
On Sat we had to bring ss back to her town for a party. DH wanted me to come along to kill time with him in her town till the party was over. I knew SD15 would notice I sat in the car instead of coming in so it seemed rude. Believe me, if BM doesn't know I'm there, I do sit in the car.
So whenever I do come, I politely say hello and interact with her dog and keep him out of the way while they do their business. Which takes forever because see paragraph 1. If I don't pet the dog and keep him occupied, I'll have to endure her yelling at him and squirting him with water.
I would much rather she dropped them off at the curb at our house and we at hers. But she has this need to make it a big production. And it just seems rude to sit in the car instead of act like a cordial adult with manners if she has any chance of learning that I was there.
I agree. But in my marriage
I agree. But in my marriage there's give and take or there's dictatorship. He feels he gathers good intel once in awhile with her chatter (will she go on disability if her knee gets worse? etc) and it would rock the otherwise fragile state of cordiality if we barred her from the house. I have put up absolute walls on other areas but I'm not willing to go all dictator on him for this.
This is what DH tells me all
This is what DH tells me all the time, "She's lonely." My answer is always, "Well, if she wanted you to be her buddy that she shares work stories with she should NOT HAVE DIVORCED YOU." I also think if she wants girlfriends, she should maybe get out of the house once in awhile with someone who is not currently married to her ex!!!
Believe me, I am grateful she hasn't gone psycho. I am grateful she has supported our new marriage. In her way, that is. It didn't stop her from thinking she could call him to fix something at her house or whatever for the first few weeks of marriage, or calling him at 4 or 5 am (she still does this once or twice a week), and blah blah blah. You all know the drill. Intrusive and thinking he is her slave.
She does have a good relationship with her kids sm, but I think the reason she does the video thing with me honestly has more to do with lack of social skills/boundaries and some narcissism. If it was about "extended family" or "my kids sm" why could she barely spend 1 1/2 seconds watching a video of her autistic son on his very first playdate ever that we tried to show her? That one was of no interest to her. She talked over it, looked away, never focused on it. But I must watch 25 of her closest workmates on a stage doing a silly skit?
Grateful she's not psycho. Very much so. But I still have moments where I must vent about her.
"It's not your fault or
"It's not your fault or concern if she is lonely."
That's exactly how I feel. And what I've told DH. In fact, she needs to use her loneliness as a motivation for personal growth. Instead, she patches out a life by chatting him (and me) up 4 times a week and limps along. Not good for her and very annoying for me.
I did just figure out my original question, too. She does it because she does NOT want to be introspective and improve her personal skills. She just wants to mooch friends off of DH! She views him as her personal Giving Tree, I'm just another branch she's trying to break off! (I figured this out in a reply below)
Heehee! About once a year
Heehee! About once a year she mumbles something about a date but it almost never turns into anything, even a date. She leaves her profile up and confides way too much in her teen daughter about her interactions with these men but she doesn't seem to learn anything from her experiences or make any real efforts. Just watches TV. If some horn dog sends her one message, she thinks life is about to happen. When inevitably he reveals he's not worth the pixels it took to message him back, the date never happens and she goes back to TV.
Not my problem.
I know, grateful for the
I know, grateful for the psycho shit she doesn't do. Yes. Yes. But I still do not like her. Why would I? She talks trash about my dh to her teen kid. She treats him like an ATM and one to be mocked. She screws her children over in so many ways (resulting in an intolerable sd for me). And if we met in any other way I would still not like her. She is not my kind of person.
She isn't interested enough in her kids to give either one of them a birthday party. Ever. Not in 15 years. Or a thousand other things I could list. It's hard for me to frame her interest in me as part of her otherwise paper thin nurturing instinct over her kids. I think it has more to do with her inability to find real friends for herself so she'll just mooch DH's. AH-FREAKIN-HA! I just figured out my own question! That's it! She's just mooching off of DH as usual! Now I get it!
Thank you, step talk friends, just being here with ya'll and talking things over with people who understand is crucial to finding any sense on this crazy journey. Light bulbs going on over my head, ping! poof! Bzzzaaaa!!!!
Thank you. And bingo. Thank
Thank you. And bingo. Thank you very much.
I am grateful and seeing the
I am grateful and seeing the stories on here does make me thank my lucky stars very much. That has a lot to do with why we put up with her intrusive chitter chatter and perpetual use of our bathroom. We know it could be a whole lot worse and don't want to rock the boat.
Thanks, MarieJeanne. The
Thanks, MarieJeanne. The coffee thing is a great idea! As for our house, sometimes when I can't face it another minute, I do have a girl date out, lock myself in my room for unspecified reasons, etc.
in the beginning, I would actually stand there in the kitchen with dinner OBVIOUSLY just waiting to be served. OBVIOUSLY getting overdone, dried out, whatever while she blathered. Didn't join the conversation. Turned my back while loudly clattering dishes. Gave every possible social cue that a "guest" needs to leave.
It never worked, not even once.
BTW, she is over him. She was never not over him. Just one of those women who can't think of anything to do with their life but present a false personality to a man then get him to support her the rest of her life via Golden Uterus. She doesn't even like him. She just is too bizarrely lazy to develop any other social relationships in her life or get her own damn jumper cables!