Nannyvillie
I feel like nanny in my own home.. So BF of 5 years has custody of SD11. He works most of the day so needless to say I'm the full time parent to her at all times. I have two BC of my own so when it comes to school drop offs and pickups, doc appts. play dates, shopping for them, feeding, showering, cleaning ect... It's all me. SD11 is very disrespectful and very sneaky. She makes up lies to her dad and mom and just creates a huge mess. Let's not even get into the fact the the BM is a worthless mother who abandon her at a very early age and now is back years later creating all hell. She's the worst parent ever. So I always feel like I have huge shoes to fill. I feel like I've tried everything yet Nothing ever works. Like for example if it's extremely cold out I have to argue to dress for the weather but still does what she wants. BF doesn't help because his solution is to let her learn. But now she's sick and because she's sick she can't go to mommy dearest house. So now I'm stuck in the house and taking her to the docs, giving her Meds and all the entire week. While BF on a day off of work takes the other kids out to enjoy the day till late night. Of course when I go to say something all I do is nag and talk BS. I feel like I'm trapped and being taken advantage. Ive tried stepping back and letting her parents handle her but she's under my care most of the day and it's so hard to raise my kids when I have SD11 lashing out, doing sneaky nasty things to my BD12 and lying about everything. I'm not allowed to reprimand her because BF says I disrespect her with my tone and that I need to understand she's going through a lot. I also don't really have a say on anything that goes on with her. But god forbid if I don't do something for her or make sure she gets something done. I don't feel supported by BF when it comes to her. In front of him she's a perfect angel but the times she slips he reprimands and a few times says he's gonna punish her but within 15 mins he forgets. All together it's 4 kids I don't work so I really feel like I'm being used when it comes to the kids. We have one child together and with him we are a great team. But when it comes to my BD12 he's ok I don't trust SD11 so I never leave my daughter alone with him when she's around because he always says my daughter was in the wrong... I don't know what to do anymore I'm at my wits end with her. Life is so much brighter when she's not around I feel like I'm losing any oz of love I have left for her... I'm 31 stay at home mom don't get me wrong I enjoy it but not when I'm not being appreciated and disrespected. I've invested so much in this relationship and really try hard not to lose the relationship with SD11 being that I'm really the only mom she has. But she's pushing me so far I don't know if there's going to be a return if this continues.... I'm not sure if it's where I want to be. I mean we're not even engaged. I'm i giving to much and receiving to little? Is this even what I want to imagine myself marrying into?
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How old is your youngest? If
How old is your youngest? If he's old enough fornday care or preschool, enroll him and go back to work.
Since your BF is helping to support your daughter (assuming her dad pays CS), he may view you helping with his daughter as an even/expected trade off.
Well my son is 2 and I've
Well my son is 2 and I've planning to put him in a learning center but the money is an issue. I am disabled so I can't work but would love to just have sometime to myself more often than every 3-6 months. As for my daughter I mostly pay everything... Most the time I'm even buying things for his daughter and at the end get left with nothing. He doesn't give me money so I rely on my monthly paycheck very much... And CS is never seen... My son is no so bad is really a great kid I really would like him to go to school to interact with kids and of course learn more than what I can show him. I can only do so much. He's a very smart boy and is a joy to be around. Now if only I can get SD11 to be the same way
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Sounds like nothing is going
Sounds like nothing is going to change until you and SO get on the same page. I feel my DH has no clue about the issues his 3 kids have, but when I sit down and talk with him, he genuinely has a concern for ME and does try to make everybody happy. Thankfully my skids are not disrespectful to me. They are passive aggressive and will smile in my face then go do something that specifically pisses me off. You also need to enforce to your SO just how much you around his kids. Its hard to disengage from little people you have to "take care of" like playing chauffeur to, maid, cook, nurse, and everything else. I would say SO is they key to keeping your sanity. If he can't support you in a situation like this, he won't in the future with others.
I agree.. Lately it's been
I agree.. Lately it's been very hard to talk to him about these issues because SO gets very defensive when it comes other. Nothing I ever say is right. Somehow it always becomes my fault
Are you able/willing to move
Are you able/willing to move out if things don't change? If not,(and he knows this)then things may not change. You have to demand change and have the means(financial and will) to walk away if he isn't able/willing to make the changes you need.
I have mention that before
I have mention that before and his response was if I walk away it will be the end of it all. Maybe it's what I have to do to wake him up. I can handle it all on my own I don't depend on him and he knows that
Omg I think we do share the
Omg I think we do share the same BM Lols... I go through the lying just as bad to the point I video take everything because I fear one day It's going to go to far. I've voiced this to SO but he tells me I'm weak and that it's a shame that I'm just another person to give up on SD11. I've asked to please figure things out child care wise Nd his solution is to take off of work and lose a payday so we end up suffering more. I then feel cornered into it. Our therapist has confirmed that she bass ADD/ADHD but he's won't put her on meds. He's also a procrastinator so she really had gotten the help.that's what really keeps me here. I understand its not all her fault and it's normal symptoms but it's just too much and not enough sorry nor is it my child for me to make these decisions for her... As for trusting SD11 with my BS2 if I do walk away does worry me but not as much s it does with BD12
I actually i record it all
I actually i record it all because she's tried to say I've done stuff and make us fight so I don't even argue anymore I just record....
Thanx I will try this approach
I know I'm not one of those
I know I'm not one of those women. I raised my BD12 for many years by myself and did an amazing job all by myself. When it comes to my BS2 I definitely know I can do it all over without a second thought. I have very good support from my family so I'm not alone. I just feel the problem needs to be handled in a different way and he needs to realize where I stand. I haven't broken it off for a few reasons but the strongest is that we 're therapy and I am giving it time to see of things will change. But in order for that to happen he really needs to open his eyes because I'm not one to live an unhappy life.. It is way too short for all this
Why oh why do these men think
Why oh why do these men think that threatening to leave is taken as a threat?
Do they have any idea how exhausting it is accommodating their personalities day in and day out?
Its like threatening me with a vacation in the Bahamas.
Even women I know who are happily married talk about how they would love to have the place to themselves for a while.