Every 6 months like clockwork...SD and BM just have to create drama.
And I let them. DH didn't tell me about a call from his Dad two weeks ago to tell me SD18 was going to visit his parents again. Every single time, I have to find this stuff out through her Twitter acct. I lost it on him. I accused him of lying to me, he says it was an omission. My anger today, is it is still a lie.
Back story: My SD18 has no relationship with us, but every 6 months, she visits my IL's to get them to shop for her and because BM doesn't want to deal with her. The kid was home from college for two days and off she goes. My IL's have no relationship with me because of this. Now, DH did try and tell his parents that he didn't want her rewarded. He told them about the drugs and no communicating with DH. Nothing about what she put us through last year. My anger at him is he lied to me again. Third time this has happened.
My IH (idiot) went to visit them over the summer. I didn't go. I am not welcome and they are not welcome here. No one discusses it, but it is known. I reached out to my SIL last time and she basically BS'd me about her opinions of my SD. All of this anger I have and their not approving of me after nine years, is because of my SD and BM.
My SD has made sure to tell my IL's how I threw her out. I didn't but that has how it has been spun. Nothing about how she tried to hit me and threatened to kill me.
I am mad I got angry at him and let her take up space in my head again. But, I am not wrong that he should have told me. This is going to happen every 6 months and I need to figure out if I want her to have that much influence over me. I wish BM would rot and SD would go with her.
I threatened last night to take pics of her Twitter pages and mail them to his mother. How wrong would that be??? She is blood is what he kept saying to me and his parents don't care what she is or what she has done. Does anyone know how to say no to this child????
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They probably wouldn't
They probably wouldn't believe she's a murderer if you gave them a picture of her standing over a corpse with a bloody knife. I have no advice other than I understand the impulse to mail them her twitter info but they won't believe it anyway and it will be another thing they twist back on you.
HA!! Living it with SD16.
HA!! Living it with SD16. She is a user and a master manipulator. EVERY FREAKING TIME that DH tries to correct her shit (like last week, when she ran off with GBM after school and never told DH... he finally tracked her down at 10:30 at night!) DH lit into GBM, tried to light into SD16, but she refused to get on the phone... so GBM who of course has to be buddy buddy with MIL MUST have called MIL and told her what happened... so of course MIL calls DH the next day and then MIL must have told DH's Aunt who also thinks that SD16 is the Second Coming of Christ, so she was calling Friday night. It's so ridiculous to watch. These people just fall all over themselves to cater to a lying, manipulative, using BRAT.
Oh, but they are never concerned with BS4... Hell MIL called DH the first day of school, about something that SD thought she was slighted about... never even asked how BS4 first day of school EVERRRRR went. Nope, so damn consumed with SD16. Then one time MIL called DH wanting to know if SD16 wanted to go get ice cream. DH told MIL that SD16 was at a friend's house, MIL was falling all over herself "Can you call her? I can go get her, and bring her back, I can shine her ass and make it sparkle" Never asked if the fucking FOUR year old wanted to go get ice cream! whatever. I would honestly NOT have BS4 around MIL.. she's a freaking lunatic.
But seriously... what is with these people???? Don't even bother sending the twitter print out... it will just make YOU the bad guy... as Thinkthrice said, these people have a way of polishing a turd, they'll NEVER see these kids for who they REALLY are...
I know this must make you
I know this must make you angry and feel slighted, but the crazier you act about how much you dislike her and how angry this all makes you, the more "real" the "she's a mean evil step mom" story can seem to them. Calm down!
She IS their blood. Families forgive and overlook, it's what they do. She was first, and if you and DH have a strained relationship with them OF COURSE they won't be as close to your child as they are to her. They've known her 16 years!!!!
Can;t any part of you forgive them even a little bit for being swooned by her bullshit? I get it- she's a liar and a manipulator telling them all kinds of horrid false things, but the family won't know otherwise unless they have a chance to also know you. By ostracizing yourself, you give her the most powerful ammunition- the ability for them to BELIEVE HER.
I bet if you put all that aside, showed up and were warm and friendly and fair they would HAVE to question that the kid is lying, if not exaggerating.
"I bet if you put all that
"I bet if you put all that aside, showed up and were warm and friendly and fair they would HAVE to question that the kid is lying, if not exaggerating."
Why would you think that? When do the IL's use their brains now? They *could* see that SD shows up only for money every once in a while, but they don't. They *could* see that SD is clearly mentally ill and using drugs, but they don't. Why would the SM's presence change anything?
My BS19 is not a part of
My BS19 is not a part of this. He is no relation to her and wants to keep it that way. As for them not recognizing him, I could give a rats ass. The sad thing is my SS16, he is their relation and they do nothing for him.
As for me distancing myself, that is a given. My MIL got mad at me when we were engaged and in a public restaurant called me a "money grubbing whore" while pointing a knife at me. 5 star restaurant none the less. She also accused my of killing my first husband and kept calling me a black widow to anyone who would listen. Distance myself? Hell yes, I have. My SD only visits for the shopping. She admitted that. She just put on twitter about her crazy grandma showing up in a skull cap to pick her up at the airport. The level of disrespect is amazing.
I live in GA and they live NM. There will never be a way for them to visit here unless I am dead. Not going to ever happen. I will never be able to forgive them. They have forsaken their son for their Grand daughter. He has asked them to stop doing this and MIL laughs. FIL bless him, there is nothing he can do. But, honestly I think he could say no to BM, he just chooses not to.
He has no control over it. I
He has no control over it. I get that. He told me he would stop lying to me about crap she is doing. I don't care about anything else and never discuss Twitter with him. I do that to protect myself. Read my blogs from last Xmas and see why I do this.
The only thing I care about is these visits and I have asked him to at least tell them and BM no. He won't confront BM on it and that right now is my biggest complaint.
I know I should not get angry, but I do. They hate me because of what SD tells them. I also hate that she can fuck up my vacation and she still manages to get countless trips. This is number 5 this year.
I'm sorry your dh didn't tell
I'm sorry your dh didn't tell you about the phone call. He should have.
I think you need to seek professional help on top of venting here. Venting is great but it seems like you have some PTSD from sd.
I know you look at her internet activity to try to prepare yourself. Don't. You're just giving them (sds and ils) more power over you.
Your ils know she's mentally il. This is their way of trying to help her. They'll need a professional to explain how it's not helping her.
I have done the therapy. On
I have done the therapy. On and off for years. Last therapist told me it is not me, it is DH and SD and BM. I can't fix them. I get that. But, I am no longer going to be a door mat for these people.
I know I have PTSD with her and what she has done. I suffered from PTSD after my son died and my husband died. I get PTSD. But, there is such a thing as being forewarned is better to prevent it again.
She will come back and I will be evil again for not allowing it to happen. I am now finally to the point of questioning how long I can keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. DH will always be there for this girl and he will sacrifice us to do it.
As for BM knowing she is BP, so is MIL. This family knows crazy. They just don't deal with it like ordinary people. They ignore it and just stay away from MIL. I agree with that for an adult and honestly until this girl is a real adult, I will always wait for the other shoe to drop and DH to bring her back into the fold.