Hi all, my name is Thomas and I have been dating my gf for 2 years now. I am 32 she is 36 and has an 11 year old daughter. When we first started dating I noticed that her daughter (then 9) was kind of a brat. I didn't think much of it at first because, lets face it most kids can be annoying, and I spent limited time around her. The past year however has been grueling to say the least. This 11 year old girl is rude, disrespectful, ill-mannered, self-centered, manipulative and does not mind. She wont do anything we say without having to get mean about it every time. she does not mind or respect her mother. This kid whines like a 5 year old from the times she opens her eyes in the morning until she closes them at night. She never speaks in a normal voice, its either a pathetic whine or a slurpy sweet persuasive voice. She's either whining or manipulating. When she is asked to do something she begins to negotiate and talk her way out of it, or she will just simply ignore us, she never just does what we say without a fight. She is mean/overbearing with the animals (cat and dog) she is jealous and angry that the animals prefer to sit in my lap, and they run from her. she has tortured the dog to the point that if she even tries to touch the dog it growls and snaps at her (Chihuahua) the cat is old and she man handles it and traps it in her room like a small child would do. She has to be the center of attention constantly. You cant have a conversation without her butting in a dozen times with off the wall ridiculous questions that don't pertain to the conversation were having. She is so obnoxious my family has asked me to limit my bringing her around when possible, and I get the feeling gf's family feels the same way just by the way they act toward her. She has a smart ass remark for everything I say to her/ask her. She has fall down, kicking tantrums when she doesn't get her way. She treats everyone like her personal slave, shes so lazy she yells for mommy to do everything for her. During the span of one shower she will yell for her mom to come help her at least 5 times, she needs help turning the water on, she never remembers to get a towel or underwear/clothes etc.

So, a few months ago I had finally gotten my fill of her laziness and disrespect, especially her disrespect toward her mother. I think if you respect anyone or listen to anyone, ever, it should be your mother, even if you don't like what she has to say. So I laid down the law!! Since I have known her she would never bathe on her own without having to be told again and again to do so. She never went to bed when she was told to and stayed up till early AM hours and was impossible to wake up in the mornings for school, which resulted in her mother being late for work every day and the kid being late for school every day, which eventually led to her mother losing a very good job for being late so often. Gf agrees that the kid needs some work and has asked me to pitch in several times, at first I was uncomfortable and apprehensive, and still am somewhat uncomfortable dealing with the kid, as im not very good at it and my approach has been unsuccessful no matter how many different ways I approach her.

At any rate, her mother and I sat her down and told her how it was going to be. We told her that there were rules that she had to follow or else. We told her that she had to bathe every night before bed without fighting about it, she had to go to bed by 9 pm at the very latest without fighting about it and that she was responsible for cleaning the litter box every day and failure to comply would result in losing her T.V. in her room. It went pretty well for a few weeks and then began to slack off, so I mentioned it to GF and we had a discussion about it and while she will talk about it I can tell that she doesn't like what I have to say. She asked me recently why I hated her kid so much. (I don't hate the kid, I simply dislike her behavior.)So after a bit of a tense discussion, the kid arrives home from school and after she came in and threw her stuff in the floor (like always) her mom said " you didn't clean the litter box yesterday and it stinks, go do it right now, and ill fix you a snack," the kid immediately told her no, and holy shit GF came un-glued, jumped up grabbed the kid by the arm and marched her down the hallway, chewed her out for not minding and stood there while the kid had a screaming crying kicking fit and made her clean the litter box. Moments later, she comes storming into the kitchen and asks, "is that what you fu**ing wanted?!!" I said no it isn't, but that may be what it takes since you have let the kid get this far out of control. It pissed me off and after a few minutes of pondering, I told GF that I was done trying to make rules and discipline the kid, and she seemed relieved that I said so. Immediately after I said those words, the kid is back to bathing as she pleases, she is staying up as late as she wants again she doesn't clean the litter box daily, and she has kind of a smug satisfaction toward me, like she won..ha ha..you cant tell me what to do.

My gf and I have had some super rocky hills, shes clingy and very insecure, she requires more attention than I can ever give, she has a ton of emotional baggage and she wants to consume every moment of my time. She puts more focus on our relationship than she does on working with her child, even though I have explained to her that I don't need her undivided attention, but her child does. To her credit she is a hard working professional that for the most part handles her business. after all this I asked her if it would be easier if I just left. I think the kid resents me for coming into the picture and trying to provide a routine and some structure, she associated me with the discomfort of having to be accountable for her actions. Gf flips out and says if you leave Ill probably kill myself. I don't believe for one moment that she would do it, I think that was a pathetic attempt and the lowest possible form of emotional blackmail.

The bottom line is, I cant stand the kid anymore, when the kid is at school all is well, but everyday when its time for the school bus, I automatically get tense and anxious in anticipation of the loud, obnoxious monster that is about to bust through the door. Am I a complete ass for feeling this way? Would I be in the wrong for rolling out?