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Exes and weddings

Rose.Colored.Glasses's picture

Submitted by Rose.Colored.Glasses on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 7:24pm

Posted this on The Knot and those girls are nonresponsive so I'm copying and pasting it here lol

FDH and I were talking about who we wanted to invite friend wise, who not and why. He wants to invite his ex and her BF. They do have a kid together but in my mind this is totally inappropriate and it never even crossed my mind to invite my ex that I have kids with. He said "I want to show her that it's completely over and she's never getting me back". So me, being spineless, choose my battles and chose to sit on this one until I got feedback. I immediately told him, I'm not inviting my ex and it would make me uncomfortable, on my wedding day, to have her there. He said he wouldn't want me to feel that way so he wouldn't invite her.

I could tell he was not happy with my response. He might not be happy, but I'm down right pissed and he doesn't even know it yet.

What I want to say now and I should have said then was "why the f#ck do you feel the need to show that fat alcoholic who doesn't mother her own child, your child, that you're over her? Because I don't give my ex a f#cking thought...ever."

I've got a bad taste in my mouth right now. Am I over reacting?

How many of you invited your ex or your SO invited their ex?

Comments

Indigo's picture

Submitted by Indigo on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 11:33pm

My etiquette book has parents of children effected by remarriage invited as long as they're not in prison.

Nothing teenage. No "show them that I'm over them." Skipping the immature histrionics.

Simply courtesy: one adult parenting a child inviting other influential adults in that child's life to celebrate a joyous moment. (Whether you like them or not. ) Must be old-school.

Indigo's picture

Submitted by Indigo on Thu, 01/08/2015 - 12:56am

Years ago, I was told by Sister Mary: "Just pretend that you are well-bred." Sigh. Be happy.

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 7:32pm

I'd be pretty freaking mad that my fiancé associates our wedding in terms of what he hopes his EX-WIFE will feel. WTF is that bullshit?

Aeron's picture

Submitted by Aeron on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 7:35pm

Uh no. Hugely, vastly inappropriate unless you all are total BFFs and everyone is cool with it. He wants to invite her to show her he's over her? It might just be me but that just screams I'm not over her!!! in my world.

There were No exes of any kind at our wedding. It would never have occurred to DH to invite BM. This is supposed to be a celebration of you as a couple, surrounded by people that love and support you, want the best for you as a couple, want the best for you as individuals. Not people that wish you ill or are silently hoping you break up so they can have their ex back. Your DF is being seriously clueless about this (I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt on that....)

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 7:38pm

OMG! That is highly inappropriate!! Is he marrying you because he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, or just to spite BM? Sounds like he wants to spite her and he's making a pretty big issue of being "over her" by inviting her to the wedding.

I think deep down, he still has feelings for her - otherwise, he wouldn't give a flying fart about how she feels about him moving on with his life.

Tread carefully here.. don't marry him until you're absolutely 100% sure he's doing it for the right reasons.

Rose.Colored.Glasses's picture

Submitted by Rose.Colored.Glasses on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 7:50pm

yup ty everyone. I couldn't wait on this one. He's at work so I just sent him one hell of a text.

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 8:10pm

Oh Hon..please don't be sad. Be happy instead that you're realising all this now, before you marry him and it's a done deal.

Please put yourself and your son first in this situation. This is not the man for you. It's a harsh truth - but it seems to be so.

He doesn't care about you - he only cares about his ex and his kids.

A lot of women are afraid to take their lives back and start from scratch. I read something awesome the other day.. something along the lines of "when we fear life.. we actually fear ourselves. We are powerful beings.. capable of moving worlds and creating lives.. the only thing to fear is ourselves. Embrace the power within you. Know that you are mighty and can move mountains if you chose. Do not ever, ever be afraid of how strong you actually are. Embrace it and make it work for you.

You don't need this useless waste of space. You don't need to take his manipulation and his bulshit excuses. You don't need to be treated like crap. You. Just.Don't. Need. Him. You only need YOU.

Hell, his saving grace could've been that he was dynamite in bed - but he's even useless at that! This is where an awesome vibrator comes in handy! Make friends with one Smile

Enough procrastinating and make it happen!

Mb90's picture

Submitted by Mb90 on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 8:45pm

I don't think you're wrong nor overreacting. I would flip my lid if my SO suggested inviting his ex to our wedding. Your wedding is about your relationship with your SO, something that should be regarded as pure and new and everything good. IMO, no place for an ex and ex baggage.