ok im feed up w/ Bull S***
i have been w/ my DH for 5 and half years my ss's bday is tomorrow... he will be 6 we are all super excited well i also have a child that just turned 2 and my In laws treat the kids different... like my sis in law is in college and is coming in for my ss birthday but didnt come in 6 weeks ago for my sons bday does anyone else's in laws treat skids and bios different? and its not just the in laws in DH treats them different 2 and so i finally went of this morning and he says well you just want to fight its really not a big deal
- biomomof1's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
well we have SS all the time
well we have SS all the time except for eowe... and of course our son is w/ us all the time... so my ss and ds are around my in laws together all the time .. i have just really had it with them treating them different and when i finally voice how i feel about it he just tell me to let it go there is nothing i can do about it .. and w DH he says he doesnt treat them any different...
well i am in that same mood
well i am in that same mood about having another child of divorce... and he states he does not treat them in different which everyone knows that he does ... even friends have said things to me ... and i dont like him or in laws doing it bc i dont wont the kids to realize whats going on they are both very smart kids...
Just as a quick question - I
Just as a quick question - I have a BS5 who's turning 6 soon as well, and I also have 2 year old twins. I do different things for them because they're different AGES, although they're all my bios. (So BS5 is getting a birthday party this year, but the twins probably will NOT get a "party" for their 3rd birthday. *shrug* They won't remember it, and it's a lot of work having a ton of people over. We'll have cake and presents, but no "party".) Is it possible that some of what you see is more age related?
That being asked, if they (especially DH!) actually love the kids more or less and show it, then that is UTTER CRAP. I can understand in a step situation, most people do love their bios more than their steps, but not if he's the BF of both kids...
I can tell you in my
I can tell you in my situation, DH, inlaws, friends etc... all of them treat the skids as though they fart glitter. We have a bio who is going to be 2 this year. She has to adhere to more rules than the sks who are 11 and 9.
So it happens, this isn't an age thing at all in my situation. These DH's sometimes act like BM had a golden twat and a golden egg fell out of it. My kids are children of divorce 14 and 10, they are held to the same standards I expect OUT OF ALL CHILDREN.
I told DH it had to stop or else he would be coming home to an empty house. DH had enough nerve to say for our DD's 1st birthday "I think the other kids will be upset since you are going all out for her birthday but we just had cake/presents-no party for them". UMMMM, MY KIDS had a 1st birthday party, so will OUR CHILD. If your's didn't that's yours/bms problem. Yes the 1st birthday party is for the parents, I am big on that one.
I don't say crap to the inlaws, I just make up and excuse of why I have to leave when they start up with the nonsense. I understand these kids only come around eowe, but children see everything. The child who isn't being treated like the other will resent the person doing it, so DH and the inlaws will eventually be dealt their own medicine.
My inlaws and DH are being dealt it now because OUR DD17mo refuses to spend any real time with any of them, and decides when she wants to tolerate their affection, which isn't often. You get what you give. :O
its not age related bc i do
its not age related bc i do the same thing for parties wheather like for our son we did it at home w a jumpy house normally bc we have older kids coming not many young kids my youngest age... so i normally go all out for the kids... like sunday we are doing a skating party for the tomorrow 6 year old which im keeping a suprise to hopefully make him really happy which he wont be and he will give his dad all the credit which im getting really use to i have had this child since he was 9 months old .. our relationship really went down when he really learned how to talk... and bm started feeding him w/ crap eowe... but dh treats them different the the our son has to follow all the rules and hes only 2 and ss gets to get away w all kinds of crap and i think its bc he feels bad about him not having both his parents all the time but its not like i dont feed him or buy him things yes i treat the baby like a baby and the 6 year old like a 6 year old he knows right from wrong and i dont just look over what the baby does he gets in trouble 2 but like my 6 yr old ss shots our son in the face w a nerf gun and i blow up bc he does it all the time... then the little one does it 2 he didnt even know it was cocked and shots his brother in the face he did get put in time out and the nerf gun taken away but if i did that to ss DH would blow a gasket... you treat my son like S*** and you treat baby like he hung the moon ..... AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
hey biomomof1, This issue is
hey biomomof1,
This issue is actually the main reason I first came on to StepTalk. The double standard parenting, special treatment, starry-eyed dad every time he looks at SS now 7yo. This kid has unlimited get-out-of-jail-free cards. He is endlessly rewarded for everything, anything and NOTHING. Treated like a baby. Paternal grandma makes it a point to see him every time he is home with us. She goes out of her way to buy him things just because "oh he likes this...he wanted this...he saw this on TV...he said his friend has this". One time she argued with me when I disagreed with calling him a TODDLER at 5 years old. I said yeah SIZE 5 is found in the toddler section but AGE 5 is not technically a toddler...I had called him a preschooler! I'm talking "all hail this golden child". Until 5yo or 6yo, yes that recent, they would carry him (I mean everywhere, like couch to bathroom to go pee), feed him (literally spoon-feed him), clothe him (again literally, as in he lies on the bed while SO changes his clothes), wipe his nose and mouth for him. Not to mention the endless excuses for his bad behavior. It was getting really ridiculous. BTW he is NOT special needs in any way.
Together, we have a BS 3yo. I wish I could say that SO dotes on, and spoils, and coddles them both the same way but it isn't true. It is like night and day. I used to tell him that SS7 has a great father...but BS has a terrible father. Anger right now is the only thing that's working for me. Patience, understanding, calm discussions didn't make a dent. Oh and one day I was looking at Zillow and he asked if I was looking for a bigger house for us, I told him no, just for me and my kids. Basically, SO is a dumbass and it only took me being a bat-shit-crazy-bitch for him to realize he needed to make some changes. It is working a little bit.
I wish I had some better advise but know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
thank you very much ... yeah
thank you very much ... yeah so i have went off on DH bc they are both his children and technically i have one child he has 2.. but im not aloud to say that bc the way he sees it is i am both of theirs mother except when i get onto the now 6 yr old SS..... like wtf.... bc he always come behind me and says oh no you can do that im like no i just told him no... then i can turn around and he gives it to him anyways i just say like really ... and normally i am the one that does all of the home work cooking cleaning bath time bed time routine kind of thing the other night i just wanted to read my book after supper was cooked so i did just that and told DH to help SS w/ Homework... well he did w/ the Bitching included.... ss asked me a question so i answered like normal DH turned around and said im not stupid just read your book.... like really if you talk to me that way he thinks he can speak to me that way..... then ss gets done w/ homework plays on the tablet cool fine he loses a game and starts to throw a temper tantrum and i told DH that he wasnt going to act that way i paid for the tablet there will be none of that while playing so i took the tablet soooooo of course ss throws him self on the floor and kicks and screams.... Dh lets him do it... tells him to stop or hes going to bed.... he continues w/ the tantrum for about 5 mins before anything else is said.... but yet our shared 2 year old can try it and DH is coming unglued... so then i step in of course he has no one else to defend him now... im not saying that i just let him throw fits but if you are going to let a 6 yr old get away w/ it you will let a 2 yr old get away w it when the 6 yr old comes and takes stuff away from him.... 6 yr old is bully and a smart ass everything is his and everything must go his way or all hell will break lose-