Sunday Funday my A$$! BM strikes again!
So Sunday is SO's niece's communion party. Of course we're planning to go and it's "our weekend" so we'll have Skids with us. Fine I suppose. Anything to keep them busy and out of my hair for a day. Here's the issue I'm having.
BM is the godmother. Normally she shirks on all her godmotherly duties (kind of like her motherly duties!Go figure!) But of course THIS time she has decided she's going to come. SO texts her to remind her he will be arriving with not only the kids, but ME. Generally ANY time this woman has to be around me she makes EVERYONE (especially skids) uncomfortable and treats her EXH like absolute crap. She retorts with "Whatever because I have no intention of talking to either of you anyway!"
I'm like, really? Shocker there! This woman has never made a SINGLE attempt at getting to know me or being at least cordial with me after 2 years. But she's actually going to have the balls to walk into a room full of my SO'S family (who btw just threw us THE most INCREDIBLE Pinterest worthy baby shower to make ME feel welcome and lmk they all love me very much) and not only act like she still somehow belongs there, but also give myself and SO the cold shoulder!?
How the crap am i supposed to keep my composure and cool with this snake inserting herself in now MY family? Especially after she has recently made it her mission to convince her children that I am mean, bad, they don't have to like me or listen to me!?
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I get that this is SO's
I get that this is SO's family and yours now but why put yourselves through it? If it were me I'd go to the church, support niece and see family but skip the after party. Some might say it's BM "winning" but screw it. You'll win by not spending your Sunday uncomfortable and you can go do something that you want to do. And how much fun would it be for BM to go make a show when you guys aren't there to see it?
I tell my SO that when BM does that it's like she's peeing all over her territory. She's ridiculous. Sorry but if you wanted to keep that claim on his family you should have stayed married to him.
Didn't your niece's parent/s
Didn't your niece's parent/s invite BM to the communion? She being godmother (I assume) was invited...otherwise how would BM know the wheres and when?
Going on the thought she's invited as godmother, I don't see how you/DH thought she would/should be excluded? This one is up to the niece's parent/s not you/DH. Their kid, their guest list.
So so goes? Ignore her. She doesn't have to socialize with you/DH nor should she be expected to. She's a guest. You and DH are guest. Everybody goes and behaves like adults. None of it means she's trying to 'steal' your family or that she's even there as any connection to your DH. Your DH didn't name her godmother. Your DH can't boot her from the position.
Go. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy socializing with your family. They like you. They've welcomed you into the family and obviously are exciting about baby. BM being there changes none of that. Treat her no differently than any other guest attending that might be a stranger to you. Ignore her. If you have to come face to face, nod and keep walking. If she opens her mouth and/or starts to stir sh*t hopefully the host will escort her out just as he/she would if any other guest acted foolishly.
It's your DH's time with the skids this weekend so the skids should be expected to sit with you and DH.
This is nieces First
This is nieces First Communion. This is not an event for point scoring or bitch behaviour. If BM wants to be the prize bitch, let her. If she ignores you, awesome. She keeps her nasty little evil mind away from you. And who responds with something nasty like that with every intention of attending said event IN CHURCH?????
If she comes near you say "Doesn't *niece* look lovely?" Is she going to disagree with you?
Think of it this way. Would you have wanted 2 cousins having a pissing match at your baby shower? Of course not. This is for *neice* and not about you or BM. Negate her form your life or her presence in your world will just get darker and darker.
Go. Be beautiful. Be
Go. Be beautiful. Be graceful. Ignore her if she shows her ass. You can't change the past where she was added as Godmother but it sounds like they're warm and welcoming people in general and have been good to you too.
Good luck
She has refused to attend any
She has refused to attend any other family function (she's godparent to 2 others) until all of a sudden. The fact that she has already decided she's going to refuse to talk to either of us and has been texting my SO ghat her kids don't want to be around me makes me feel like she will also make it a thing for them to stay away from me there. Recently she was at an event we were and SD12 was terrified to leave her side and come talk to us. When BM went to smoke a cigarette she snuck over to chat with her dad and myself but kept looking around and back at her mom as if she would get into trouble. This woman causes nothing but tension and makes everyone uncomfortable. No one in the family expected her to come because she never does. It's just suspect to me that all of a sudden she wants to since our shower. I'm always nothing but kind and keep things to myself. SHE is the one openly unkind to me.
Your So started it with her
Your So started it with her when he first texted her. He texted her and reminded her you would be there.
He was basically telling her not to come. He waved a red flag at the bull. If she's now texting him carrying on, remember he instigated the back and forth.
It's So's day for the skids, so they should be going with them and sitting with him. If the skids happen to wander over to speak to her and you/SO make a stink over it, think how angry you were when the skid had to sneak over to speak to you/So at the event you described attending.
Pete's sake, you're both grown women. You don't have to socialize and you definitely don't have to group sing Kumbaya and be best buds. Don't ruin this event for the actual child of the event (niece). If you can't go and behave, don't go. you don't get to tell BM she can't go and you're not responsible for her behavior. Worry about yourself. Perhaps the next time there is an event for one of BM's godchildren , if the family hates Bm and doesn't want her to attend, they'll stop telling BM about the events.
When it comes to other type of events (such as skids school events or sport activities blah, blah) BM has more of a reason of being at the event than you do as they are her children. If you're going to continue to attend these non-family events, you're going to have to adjust yourself to being present in the same room/vicinity as BM. You can't ban her from attending her own kids activities throughout their childhoods just because the adults can't get along.
I was not judging her for
I was not judging her for being a crappie godmother, I was simply stating facts.
His entire family dislikes
His entire family dislikes her because of the things she did to him and the way she treated him through out their marriage. To say that I am the one being melodramatic is just funny to me considering all I ever do is go out of my way to keep my cool each and every time she is acting like a C*NT simply because I am in the room. The woman goes out of her way to paint me as some terrible person, including going so far as to calling her god daughter's mother to talk trash and say that my SO has his head up my ass because he refuses to give her rides anymore, including to the first communion. (BTW she just got out of rehab and has lost her license for 2 years after ANOTHER DUI)...
you have two options: Be a
you have two options:
Be a diva, throw a fit and tantrum that BM is there trying to make your new family prefer her over you which she will enjoy
OR
Be a grown up and ignore the whore which is the exact opposite of what BM wants
If she's anything like what I'm dealing with then she goes for the competition aspect of it. At a mutual friend's event this past weekend BM came and acted a complete fool because she couldn't figure out if she wanted to "compete" with me for our friends attention or "compete" with DH for SS's attention so she just ran around like a chicken with no head. Meanwhile me and DH went on our merry way, we had each other for company when our friends would be over with BM and if we were talking to friends DH would leave me to play with SS (he came with BM). For us it was a win-win-win. Our mutual friends are always worried when we three have to get together because of our very obvious dislike for each other but this is the second time we've made it through where we made it work for us and our friends (who cares how BM felt, even though it shouldn't have been anything but embarrassment). My advice is go, play the part, be the obnoxiously in love wife or pregnant woman, offer to help the host in kitchen if you don't want to stand around with BM. Anything you do negatively will make her look better and you seem to be more afraid of that than causing a scene at the child's party. Rise above it because you have to deal with that girls family disliking you for ruining their daughters party if you act up since as you say BM comes and goes anyway.
I have a sister-in-law who
I have a sister-in-law who won't speak to me or my husband because she is still mad at my husband's deceased ex about something that happened 35 years ago.
The ex-wife wouldn't go to family functions for years.
When I met H ((after the divorce and ex's death) I started going to family functions with him. I'd smile and speak to everyone.
Now mad sister-in-law stays away from most family functions as she is unhappy people speak to me.
So my advice is to go to the party, smile and have a good time. If you cross paths with BM smile and say hi. Then either walk away or comment on the communion girl. Ignore BM's antics and and let BM make an a$$ out of herself.
This family treats you well. Treat them well. Go to the party. Enjoy yourself. Nothing drives miserable people madder than seeing the object of their hatred happy.
Do what my parents did at my
Do what my parents did at my sons Eagle ceremony and graduation party. If one walked in one door the other one left out another door. It was Hysterical. 20 years after their divorce and they still act like this but at least it is non confrontational for me or my son.
Let go and let god. Be the
Let go and let god.
Be the good you want to see in the world.
Change comes from within
Get piss poor drunk and tell her in front of everyone DH says her vagina was like the grand canyon, his dick could never feel either side
bring brownies and fill them with pot, give then only for her to eat......
Just go, be gracious and try to enjoy yourself.