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A Guy with Kids Again

Vanessa68's picture

Submitted by Vanessa68 on Sat, 07/25/2015 - 6:17am

Hello Everyone,

I hope you are all well…:)

I am going on a date tonight with a guy that I know, I have know him for over 3 years but we have not run into each other since. I saw his friend the other night at a friends place, we started talking, I added him on Facebook strictly as a friend, we went on one date over 3 years ago, it was a good date, just bad timing on both people.

Anyway we start chatting on Facebook, flirty, fun nothing trashy….he says lets go out…I said like a date, he says sure. I said didn't we try that before, he says yes but we can go for dinner and conversation…

He asks me to call him, I do…he actually asks me out again over the phone, so steakhouse dinner tonight.. Smile

BUT…he has two kids both under the of 10….Do I tell him about the last guy and why we broke up…

He is a friend so I am not nervous, just not sure how to approach it…

Thanks for you in put….:)

Comments

Monchichi's picture

Submitted by Monchichi on Sat, 07/25/2015 - 6:38am

No you don't tell him. That was before and this is now. I got a very short time dated one insane Disney dad whose daughter was sweet but I could see her becoming a nightmare at 13. I didn't tell SO about him. Not the same people or circumstances. 2 kids under 10 shew. Good luck!

dood's picture

Submitted by dood on Sat, 07/25/2015 - 6:47am

Yay! Good for you!!

Nope... you don't want to get into any sort of dirt on a first date (or 2nd, 3rd...) What you bring to this date is awareness, perspective and a renewed sense of self.

Have fun! So happy for you!

constantly_irritated's picture

Submitted by constantly_irritated on Sat, 07/25/2015 - 8:49am

ditto

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Sat, 07/25/2015 - 11:57am

It's a first date, not a Marriage Contract Negotiation. Focus on having fun. Keep it light.

Getting out of the house is a very good thing for you at this time. That's all this is, getting out. Think about the guy in front of you, not the guy behind you.

If you are past 25, chances are low you will ever meet anyone without kids. You will be home alone for a long time if you wait for a childless man to come along.

I still believe there are plenty of great dads out there who raise their kids well. We've got some on this board. You have no idea what kind of parent this man is. Or what kind of boyfriend he would be. Or even if he wants to be your boyfriend.

It's just dinner. Have the steak. Laugh. AND STOP THINKING ANY FURTHER THAT!

Vanessa68's picture

Submitted by Vanessa68 on Sat, 07/25/2015 - 1:55pm

Thank you all for your comments, they are greatly appreciated.

I agree with Sueu2 that the chances of me meeting a man without children is going to be rare. If there was anything that I could say to my ex it would be….its YOU…not the kids..lol

The reason I would have shared my experience with the ex so quickly is because I do know him, its not the first meet and greet. I don't want to string anyone along, nor do I care to be strung.

I 100% believe there are great dads out there….I am not letting this past relationship discourage me.

I don't usually move this quickly back into dating, it hasn't even been 30 days... :sick:

I think I would be reluctant to go if I didn't already know him. God help me he is italian too…hahahha

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Sat, 07/25/2015 - 7:08pm

I would not share ANY expectations until you are well and truly exclusive.
This is dinner with a friend. Nothing more. If/When he suggests meeting his kids, meet them. He may have brought them up nicely and respectfully. Or not. They may be hellions or may be nice kids who say hello and good bye and 'thank you for coming over'.
If you bring up the ex (of 8 months which shouldn't count) it will sound like you are vetting him. If the subject of badly behaved kids comes up you could mention what gets you 'disappointed' .

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sat, 07/25/2015 - 7:45pm

Go out, have some fun. If the dating continues, observe how he he is as a dad and go from there. When you feel comfortable laying out your expectations, do so and see how he reacts.

Just try not to get too attached to him until you have the whole picture. Single men with kids are really good at the bait and switch, so take it slow.

Again, have fun!

Vanessa68's picture

Submitted by Vanessa68 on Sun, 07/26/2015 - 11:14am

Hello Eveyrone,

Thank you again for the responses. My date went very well, You have to remember that I know this man, not really well, but we do share a common interest, so there is a sense of comfort. 3 years ago we dated (2) never slept together, I was still in nursing school and he was going through divorce.

Anyways,,,dinner was great we talked about what we had been doing… blah blah, he tells me he has dated a woman for a few months, she was moving too fast and had a little girl the kids did meet. I did share about my dating that he and a lot going on, and I did mention that I met the kids and I slept in another room. (everyone I tell raises their eyebrows??)
Ugh… I said I am not bitter and I am not discouraged to date men with children, he says why would you be? He just wasn't the one: everyone is different. HUH :}
What I noticed most was how together he was, he talked about the ex, but no complaining, moaning groaning. She has bought new house with boyfriend, there agreement is intact, it seems lax and he gets his kids more than the agreement states. They are 5 and 7. He seems happy and content. I wasn't sure how I was feeling, We sat close but no hand holding. At the end of the night I leave and he kisses me good night, OMG it was good…lol

He says he will be in touch, we have quite a few friends in common. I have to say I was a bit surprised at myself, I thought I still needed time to regroup ( I think I still do)
but I didn't feel guilty kissing him..

OK…. let me have it…because I am not wasting 8 months ever again… Wink Wink