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Well the report cards are in and it isn't pretty

Ninji's picture

SS

D C F F B

His grades should really be F F F F B, but for some reason the teacher has decided to give him 59% on all missing assignments of which he currently has 10. I can't believe that's even legal. Unfortunately, it seems the school is just trying to push him through to get rid of him.

SD

C C A C C

Better than the all F's from the midterm, but still unacceptable. SD has 11 missing assignments and 5 late assignments which resulted in lower grades. If she had tried her hardest and got these grades, it would be ok because at least she tried, but she clearly isn't.

SO was really upset last night. I really don't understand why. He knew what their grades were on their midterm reports. Also, on the rare occasion one of the teachers actually post the electronic grades, I always tell him they are missing assignments and getting low scores on the assignments they are doing.

SO blames BM and SF....So not SF's fault in my opinion. They guy met these kids around this time last year. He isn't their bio parent and he's in his 20's married to BM in her 40's with 4 kids. I don't think they guy really thought that one through.

I get really sick of hearing about how much BM sucks as a parent. He had NOT ONE but TWO children with this shitty excuse for a parent. It's not like he couldn't see the writing on the wall. She already had two kids she was being a shitty mom to. SO made the choice to NOT use protection with a women he barely knew. Now he and his kids have to live with this choice.

Does it suck, Hell yes, but it can't be changed. Bitching and moaning about it ALL the time does nothing.

And now he asking me if he should call and talk to SF. Ask SF if he is around in the evening while BM is working because the kids say he isn't, ask him if he is willing to help them with homework, shit like that. I told him if he called the guy, he would just end up threatening to kick the guys ass and that will only make things worse for the kids at BM's house and add more stress to our life. Not worth it.

Just because I take an active parenting role in Skids life, doesn't mean SF has too because BM sucks.

I get that he's frustrated and feeling helpless. He doesn't want his kids to grow up and be failures, but really we can't do any more than we already do. We do all the PTC's (mainly me) he is in contact with SS's teacher almost daily, I do shit tons of make-up work with them every weekend. He said maybe he should just give up. Stop getting the kids and let BM deal alone. I know he doesn't mean it, he's just feeling helpless. In my opinion, the only thing we can do I move into the kids school district and go to court and try to get 50/50. The is going to be expensive and make our drive to work over 1hr each way. I will support him if he decides to do it but I refuse to take the reins and do it for him. If he really wants to change things, he needs to do the work. Not me.

Even after living this life for 6yrs and being on this website for almost 1yr, it still amazes me that my Skids BM doesn't give a shit about being a mom. Not even a mediocre one. Her oldest daughter just joined the Navy and she flew to IL to go to her graduation. This is the same daughter that moved in with her boyfriend at 16 and then my SO's parents because she was sick of BM bringing random men into their house, at one point it was almost daily. EXSD even asked SO if BM was a prostitute. BM can fly to IL to pretend to be MOTY but can't drive 10 minutes to the school and meet with Skids teachers. SS's teacher asks us all the time how she can get BM to come in and talk to her. BM ignores all emails and phone calls. I told her, next time SS freaks out have him suspended with the caveat that he can't come back until BM comes in for a PTC. May take a few days but eventually she will have to come in.

Ok, this is getting long. Vent over.

Comments

thinkthrice's picture

"I don't understand why the education system thinks kids will magically become accountable for their performance at the age of 14."

Probably for the same reason as some posters on this forum contantly retort with "S/He's JUST a KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDD"

at age 9 months
at age 9 years
at age 19 years and on and on and on

Babies, toddlers and children who learn become responsible learned teens and adults.

Tuff Noogies's picture

no child left behind. such BS imho...

remember, doll, you cannot care or do more than the bio-parents. unless you want to take it ALL the way and be 100% responsible like draco did. if dh and bm arent doing anything except it but feeling sorry or frustrated, oh well. their child/ren.

Ninji's picture

I'm not at the point of disengaging with my Skids. I do love them and I will always help them with school work if they need it. I will meet with teachers (I go more that SO just because of the way our schedules work out) and I will check electronic grades. I don't have a problem with that. I wasn't at all surprised about their grades because of the midterm reports but SO is acting like it's a huge surprise.

BM sucks as a parent. I have accepted that. I don't understand it, but it is what it is and isn't going to change. I just wish SO would get to the same point.

Flying.Purple.Step.Monster's picture

One one hand I'm happy that my skids are smart and do well in school (one got all A's this quarter and the other was 2 Bs and rest A's) but on the other had here in MO they put something about paying half of college into the CO. So CS goes to 21 and DH pays for half of college for 2 kids that are a year apart in age.

ItsGrowingOld's picture

There's plenty your husband could do. He could meet with school principal and come up with a game plan through the school to help his children succeed.

Is he willing to do that and then follow through with their recommendations? Consistently?

It's not like schools haven't dealt with divorced parents and the kids not being held scholastically accountable at home.

Ninji's picture

We met with the principal, teachers and behavior specialist every year. We have met with the behavior specialist twice already this year and between the two of us, met with his teacher 8x's not to include the almost daily emails and we have each met with the principal this year.

Unless or Until BM steps up and starts holding Skids accountable for these grades on her time, there isn't much more we can do on our time. She has them Mon - Thurs. SO just asked SS today if he did his homework last night and SS said he didn't have any. Even though SS has spelling and reading homework every night.

So either BM wasn't home (which is normally the case), she asked SS and is not involved enough to know he should be doing homework EVERY night, or she didn't ask because she doesn't care.

thinkthrice's picture

"Unless or Until BM steps up and starts holding Skids accountable for these grades on her time, there isn't much more we can do on our time."

Good luck on that one. In my case the BM IS a CPS worker and she has always been of the "homework/classwork optional" type.

She NEVER EVER EVER makes her "angels" do ANYTHING they find distasteful. That includes diet, chores, schoolwork, ANYTHING.

Basically teaching them that life is one big bowl of cherries, that everything should be handed to them on a silver platter because they are "speshul snowflakes."

We went to all the meetings, etc as well. The School District ended up telling us that Chef's (SO)opinion doesn't count because he's the NCP. Even though he has joint legal custody which, in the state of NY, if you happen to own a prostate gland, means NOTHING.