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Stepdadio's picture

Submitted by Stepdadio on Mon, 10/19/2015 - 9:03pm

After the umpteenth argument over stupid crap, in desperation, I'm surrendering to the fact that stepdadding is not humanly possible and can only happen by God's grace and a willingness to go to any lengths. In a nutshell, I'm a 60-year-old guy 15 months into a 2nd marriage with a wonderful gal 18 years my junior. 3 great boys ages 8, 13, and 16 came with the package. With two grown sons aged, 29 & 30, I know a little bit about boys, but doesn't appear to count for much in this new marriage. After some 22 years as a divorced man, I vowed never to marry again, but God had other plans. I'm finding step-parenting to be the mother of all ballbusters. I was raised in a different era and our approach to parenting is...different. It's clear to me, my spouse is running a child-centered home and out marriage comes 2nd. Everything I've read indicates this isn't a healthy formula for anyone. That's it. I'm not here to bitch, whine or moan. I'm no punk and made a commitment I intend to keep. In the words of Don Henley; "I bit that bullet, and took that vow, and everything is different now." But I gotta' tell ya', this is one wild ride and am surprised at the sometimes ferocity of opposition in trying to make this work. OK...I'm done. As a published writer, brevity isn't a strong suit. :O

Comments

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Mon, 10/19/2015 - 9:10pm

I love the fact that you count commitment as your driving factor. I too prize commitment as the key factor in my marriage. My husband found it odd how when we were writing vows that I felt more strongly about commitment than love. My theory is that commitment to making the marriage work will help get through the times when the love wanes.

Welcome here, I hope that you are able to get some insight, help and a chance to get things off your chest here. Being a step parent is a bigger challenge than I could have imagined, and I know from reading here that my situation is relatively ok compared to the extreme things that happen to some on here.

Indigo's picture

Submitted by Indigo on Mon, 10/19/2015 - 9:34pm

Oohh, the difference between the child-centered home rather than couple/marriage-centered home is a huge challenge for many of us. Step-parenting is immensely complex.

This is a great site to whine/complain, so don't worry if you find it easier to flame a frustration here rather than blow-up in real life. There are some incredibly skilled and bright people here who may be able to give you some suggestions. Others may simply commiserate a bit.

Aside: I sent you a PM 'cuz I've got a bit of the generational thing going myself. Welcome.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Mon, 10/19/2015 - 9:37pm

Taking things literally sue...lol. He could just be using it as a saying.

Indigo's picture

Submitted by Indigo on Tue, 10/20/2015 - 3:05am

Sueu2 ... Seriously? You call someone out on their faith ?

FPS. I have my own shaky, iffy, somedays-stronger-than-others faith ... but don't you get all judgmental. Do you have some special dispensation allowing you to challenge everyone else upon their Faith?

Where is Tommar's fireball ... she may agree with you but I'll need more fortification than merely wine.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Tue, 10/20/2015 - 7:35am

So, I gotta tell ya . . .
If God had put this union together, I am more than certain it wouldn't be such "ballbusters" because you and she both would be more evenly yoked, such as on the subject of making your marriage first, for example, and not "child-centered." So, in what way did you and she both consult God about this? And by what method of communication did He give you his blessing?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oh wow.

This is almost the dumbest thing I have seen posted on this site. Are you serious?

Do you really expect an answer or was this just to knock his faith?

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Mon, 10/19/2015 - 9:36pm

Welcome.

You got a long road ahead. At 60, I would of rather marry someone with no underage kids. But you can't always pick who you fall in love with. Lol

Lots of help can be found here.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Mon, 10/19/2015 - 9:53pm

I just don't want to be raising kids in my 60's. I wanna have some fun!!!!!! Been raising kids for 22 years. Started when I was 23. I'll be 49 when SD turns 18. I Wanna play! Cuz girls just want to have fun. Smile Biggrin

FrenchPeas's picture

Submitted by FrenchPeas on Tue, 10/20/2015 - 11:25am

I agree. And I took my commitment serious but my marriage needed anyways. One person couldn't fix anything and I was on my own. Because my marriage was contingent upon me accepting their crap behavior. No way in hell. Literally. Living with them is hell.

Best of luck

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Tue, 10/20/2015 - 1:55pm

I always feel sorry for the 'outsider' spouse in a child-centered home. To be used for sperm or ova, as a chauffeur and a wallet. I love my kid, and my daily life revolves around taking care of her various needs, but my heart and future belongs to my husband. And happily, the same is true for my husband.