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Longest few days of my life...

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Submitted by CompletelyPuzzled on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 11:58am

DH and I have been through hell and back in the past four days. This is going to be long so I apologize up front. This all started on Monday. I got up at 4:30 A.M. to go to work. I didn't check on the kids because I woke up late. I normally go into all their rooms and check on them, but this time, I didn't. So I am working when my DD4 wakes up around 6:30. She comes into my office and asks for breakfast. Then she asks me where is SD11. I told her that SD11 is in bed. DD4 says no, she is not there. So I go into the girls' room and look. My DD4 was right. She wasn't there. At this point, I start going around the house, looking for her. I start panicking and I wake up SO and tell him SD11 is not here. We are both panicking at this point. DH goes outside and is running around the neighborhood.

At this point, we called the cops. We had no idea how long she had been gone or where she could be. The cops come and they start asking us about her friends, where she likes to hang out, etc. The next few hours were a blur. DH finally calls BM to let her know what is going on. She tells him that she knows where SD11 is...She is at her cousin's house. BM has a cousin that lives about an hour from here. Of course, DH is relieved but he is also pissed. He asks BM what SD11 is doing there. SD11 doesn't even know this cousin. They have met maybe two or three times. She definitely didn't know where the cousin lives.

She tells him that SD11 has been emailing her from school and she knows about the abuse that SD11 has been subjected too. She also informs him that she has filed paperwork in her home state (where the custody case is still located) for an emergency hearing. Also, her cousin is going to take SD11 to the courthouse to file for a restraining order. BM has decided that she will be travelling to our state to get SD11.

At this point, DH informs the police of where she is. He takes the custody order and they go to pick up SD11 from the cousin's house. The police make the cousin turn over SD11. The whole time, SD11 is yelling that she is being abused. She tells them that we lock her in her room (which would be very hard, her room doesn't have a door.)

BM did go to the courthouse and file an emergency order. DH's attorney is served with the papers. He has to travel to the home state to attend the hearing. His attorney advised him to bring SD11 with him.

In the meantime, we were curious about the email contact between BM and SD11 because weren't away of any. Through the parents of one of her friends, we found out SD11's email. Apparently, SD11 was using a friend's tablet at lunch to send emails. SO was able to get into it. There were tons of emails from SD11 to BM. This was all planned out. BM knew perfectly well that she was going to run away. She even had the cousin go and pick her up at a school down the road from our house.

At this point, we aren't sure what is going to happen. SO and SD11 will go to BM's home state for the emergency hearing. The cousin did try to get a restraining order, but that was shot down as she has no legal authority over SD11. Plus, the cops noted in their police report that there is no door on her room and she had no physical signs of abuse.

Of course, BM also called CPS on us. I am assuming that we will be hearing from them as well. This whole thing is a big mess. DH is angry and hurt. SD11 isn't speaking to us at all. She told DH that she will run away again if he doesn't let her go back to her mom's house. I am just lost in this situation.

Comments

nengooseus's picture

Submitted by nengooseus on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 12:08pm

What's the custodial arrangement?

Personally, I wouldn't allow her back into my home after all that. I'd drop her on BM's doorstep and wish her good luck. Geez!

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Submitted by CompletelyPuzzled on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 12:30pm

DH just got custody of the SDs about 4 months ago. BM lives over 900 miles away. SD9 likes living with us. SD11 wants to go back to her mom's house. She's been doing anything and everything she can to make our lives difficult. This newest stunt was much more serious than any of her past behaviors.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Submitted by GhostWhoCooksDinner on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 12:53pm

I'd let her go. She's being PASed, and it'll only get worse. Don't wait for the false abuse allegations like we did.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Submitted by GhostWhoCooksDinner on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 12:53pm

I'd let her go. She's being PASed, and it'll only get worse. Don't wait for the false abuse allegations like we did.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 12:16pm

What about your SD9? IS she involved in all of this or oblivious? Seems strange that you'd be "abusing" the 11 year old and not the 9 year old... what a mess and what a brat!

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Submitted by CompletelyPuzzled on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 12:29pm

According to SD11, we only abuse her. SD9, DS9, and DD4 are treated great. We talked to SD9 about it. She wants SD11 to live somewhere else. She confided to DH that SD11 has been threatening her. DH is not sure what to do.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 1:49pm

Seems to me like it's crystal clear... send her packing. What is the point of fighting it? What is most likely to happen anyway, is that SD11 will run off to BM, where she thinks life will be just grand and odds are it WON'T BE (which is why they are living with you to begin with) then she'll come crying back to daddykins. Or maybe she won't but at least you will have peace in your home.

GoingWicked's picture

Submitted by GoingWicked on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 12:19pm

Can you take those e-mails to the police department and file a police report? There should be some kind of consequences for BM, maybe custodial interference or contributing to the delinquency of a minor? I wouldn't be so quick to hand an 11 year old over to a deranged BM, maybe a 15-16 year old, but your SD is still really young and has been manipulated by her mother.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Submitted by CompletelyPuzzled on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 12:32pm

DH forwarded the emails to his attorney. They will be brought up in the emergency hearing.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Submitted by CompletelyPuzzled on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 12:40pm

BM's house was condemned. The SDs had head lice constantly for the past two years, they had nowhere to live for several months, and they missed over 35 days of school last year.

Annoyed1's picture

Submitted by Annoyed1 on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 1:17pm

Just let her go! I am speaking from personal experience with SS16, it will only get worse and the lies will get bigger. You have 2 of your own kids in the house to worry about and don't need false allegations of neglect and abuse! SS16 "ran away", with the help of BM, after she lost custody of them. She got custody back, due to SS's age (he was 14 at the time). Then, BM got arrested and custody was give to DH again. BM and ss16 were both sneaking around, planning his next run away. I told DH to let him go this time or I'm gone. We had the police at our house doing a "child welfare" check (found nothing) and all sorts of other bs. I don't even have my own kids to worry about but was starting to worry about my job and also my own mental state. I don't like games. The courts ruled that SS16 was 16 and could live wherever he wanted. THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT!!! We still have ss14, but he likes living with us and doesn't care to be a part of that shit show! All I can say is good luck and please, let her go. They will stop at no end to get what they want. Both BM and SD will make your life a living hell.

Annoyed1's picture

Submitted by Annoyed1 on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 1:17pm

Dup

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 1:21pm

Wow…just wow. What a terrible mess.

I really don’t have any advice. Because as a SM I would be cheering for her to go live with BM. As a parent, I would not be able to let my 11 year old go back to such a terrible person. You and DH are both in terrible positions.

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 1:24pm

When I hear stories like this I'm SOOOOOO glad that Chef didn't fight for custody of his three but instead let go of the rope. It's obvious that SD11 has been PASed to death; SD11 must prefer getting head lice, missing school and living like a hobo.

Chef would have been down the exact same road even though the Gir presents herself as MOTY, but the facts are that she lives in a pig sty, is too busy trying to be a Food Network star to parent her own children--they are all failing and yes, I remember the many instances of scabies, ringworm and head lice. They all miss a BOATLOAD of school but that's because they're "learning disabled--other" :barf:

Time for DH to drop the rope on SD11 IMHO.

Word of warning: BM will most likely be rewarded with a handsome CS award so make sure you closely monitor SD9's email, etc. It won't be long before MOTY tries to land SD9 as well for more cash prizes.

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 1:34pm

You can bet the ranch that this is all about CS!! I had to laugh when Chef told me that the Girhippo's attorney stood up during the last modification hearing and said "The Girhippo (aka Mrs. StepDaddyBigBucks) doesn't want ANYthing from Mr. Chef."

If that's the case, then why doesn't she just call this constructive emancipation since her goal was to PAS them out entirely which she did and have StepDaddyBigBucks legally adopt them?

Oh wait, that would mean her cash prizes would cease. And she has 8 years and 2 more months to go until Prince H turns 21.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 1:30pm

So sorry this is happening. Sounds like SD 11 doesn't understand what is best for her. If it were me, I would let her go back to the biological mother. Have dad give her lots of love and hugs and support and tell her if you want to come back, the doors are always open. But fighting this is just gonna make everybody's lives worse not better.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 1:31pm

Dup

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 1:31pm

Dup

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Thu, 11/12/2015 - 1:57pm

... and another thing. I'm sure it will be hard for DH to not want to "fight" this, but he needs to remember that there are THREE other children in the home who will be drug through this hell that SD11 and BM are sure to create if they do not get their way. Totally not fair to them.